Why I (Don't) Love...

Fun museums.
Apparently if you're over the age of 7 you're not allowed to take part in awesome interactive stuff. Since when is fun and learning only limited to small children?

Granted, at 19 I still enjoy children shows (a problem I hope never gets fixed), but that's beside the point. It seems that all these awesome interactive museums meant for learning have been constructed on the idea that adults will only go with children in tow. Why sirs, you are incorrect. And the people who suffer? So called adults looking for some good clean fun!

Take my latest venture to a fun museum. The Museum of Science in Boston was having an exhibit about mythical creatures. Since my friends and I have a strange obsession with people who loves mythical creatures (you know, the kind that where wolf shirts and jean jackets), we decided that shelling out the 19 dollars for the museum would be fine and dandy.

We go, we pay, we enter. So far everything was pretty cool. They have a lot of "learn by doing things" even a sheep eye dissection you can watch. Since I had already experienced such a dissection in middle school, I was not very impressed. Then there were the monkeys, and the wall o' mirrors that looked like Vanna White's letter turning board. Unfortunately the mirrors were covered by glass, so we could not find out if they, in fact, turned like a game show letter. It was near this wall o' mirrors that we experienced our first sad kick in the ass from children.

In the super duper interactive part of the museum on the second floor, across from the math section (which i truly enjoyed, especially the probability curve demonstration. I'm a dork.), and perpendicular to the wall o' mirrors, there are a myriad of cool things to do. There is a small excavation site where you can brush some dirt and find some shells. The oldest among us was dying for a picture in the site. So, she got in the dirt, brushed some dirt for the camera, and not two seconds after the picture was taken, a little boy in a red shirt turned to her and said defiantly "NO GROWN UPS!" Of course, like all American parents, his mom just seemed to smile at him and let him be. (Don't get me started on American parenting. Maybe another post.) Pretty much, the kid was a discriminating little prick. Okay, prick is a little harsh, but you get what I'm saying. Just because my friend was in the dirt pit for a few seconds, he felt it was inappropriate and vocalized it. We laughed it off and went on to other things.

I wanted to try the spinning wheel activity. This is where you spin a bike wheel really fast then hold it while you stand on a free-moving platform. Depending on the angle of the wheel (either horizontal or vertical) the platform would turn in a certain direction due to the force of the spinning wheel. It sounded awesome. When we got to it, there was a little kid just spinning himself manually on the platform. Cool, i understand the fun in that, but as I stood there patiently waiting for the kid to stop, his male chaperon just stood there once again. I was in a position where it was clear I wanted to try the thing. I even read the little directions sign as an indication that "Sir, I am not creepily staring at your child. I just want to learn some physics." In a matter of seconds, I realized I was not going be given a turn, unlike what kindergarten taught us, and so we moved on to the seesaw.

The final kick in the balls was this seesaw. It was a seesaw built to show how distribution of weight affects balance. You could scoot up closer to the center and back to the edge. There were kids on it already, so we stood beside it and watched. We verbalized how excited my friends were to try the seesaw. We waited. We figured if any of these cool demonstrations were worth it, it was this one. Soon the mother told them it was time to move on, and our chance had arrived. And a millisecond after these kids got off, these other kids rushed in front of us and got on. My friends didn't even have a chance to take a step closer to the seesaw. The kids' parent said nothing just laughed. We were deflated and instead of seeming like pedophiles for the third time in a row, we decided to go to the how cats jump exhibit. Needless to say, there was no line because all you did was jump and read the measurement of how much pressure you put on the ground. It did not make up for missing out on the seesaw.

We eventually moved on to the Mythical Creatures exhibit (which was, surprisingly, the lamest of the exhibits) and the Fear exhibit (which was pretty sweet), both of which gave some sort of compensation for being adults. We even got to sit in a command module replica. In the end, the experience was fun and worth it. But I still am sad that we were denied the full appreciation of the museum because of our age. It may sound dumb, it may sound petty, it may sound like I refuse to grow up (I do, mind you) but I think a special adult night would be cool. No kids, late night, and adults get

a to run wild like the kids we really are. It won't happen, but my only other option is having kids and letting them rule the museum.

Looks like I'll have to stick with watching Yo Gabba Gabba! instead.



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Why I Love...

...Spunk Ransom AKA RPattz AKA Robert Pattinson

You may know RPattz through one of two ways: 1) The messy fellow who portrayed the suave, dapper and yet unlucky Cedric Diggory in the movie version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire OR 2) The poor, unfortunate soul tricked into playing the oh-so-dazzling, abusive, 100-something-year-old virgin Edward Cullen from the movie version of Stephenie Meyer's mess of a book Twilight.

I love RPattz because even though he moved from one great book to a really terrible one, he has managed to maintain his integrity and all around awesomeness. How, you ask, does one maintain his or her awesomeness and integrity when having to be associated with such horrendous source material? Simple: you subtly insult the author of the horrendous source material, and the horrendous source material itself, every chance you can get.
RPattz has pointed out the fact that Bella is only in love with Edward because he's hot. RPattz has observed that Bella is alarmingly obsessed with Edward. RPattz has been very insightful into the fact that Eddie is a lame vampire. RPattz has voiced the concern that the Bella and Ed "love story" is a sick fantasy of Meyer's and that in order for anyone to write that shit they had to be "mad." He said this all out loud. In front of rabid fangirls. And they still continue to love him. He's full of magic!

This brings me to my next projection of love. I love the fact that RPattz is as scared of the rabid fangirls as he should be. He has expressed numerous times his fear of this new found fame and the fear of the obsessed tween crowd. I fear for the poor boy's life.

I also love RPattz complete disregard for the way he looks. The kid looks like he may bathe or shave or brush his hair once every 2 or 3 weeks. He just doesn't give a damn. If you haven't noticed (and I beg you to go on to Google Image and notice) he has an amazing grove of locs growing on his head that he refuses to brush too often. This makes for ingenious hair art that truly dazzles all who encounter him. I weep when I look at the pictures where his hair is groomed.

It appears that Twilight has done some good after all. I commend Twilight for bringing RPattz back into my life. I was afraid I would never get to see his unbrushed mane every again after he was taken away from us in GoF. And if that had happened, well, I don't know if I would be here right now.

As a thank you to RPattz and his bravery in the face of rabid fangirls and terrible source material, I say we all get together and go out and find some other poor sucker to take his place in the (unavoidable) sequel to Twilight.

I nominate Joe Jonas.
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Let Our Chastity Combine...GO PURITY!

I'm am thoroughly disappointed in the number of pure teen stars that insist upon spoiling the good name of young Hollywood. I don't know whether or not you've noticed but, there has been a strange onslaught of "pure" Hollywood kids, all donning purity rings. This is new to me because when I was growing up (which I am nowhere near done doing, mind you) there were no "pure" young stars. Well, except for Jessica Simpson - but was she really a star? Yeah… Anyways, when a young star ever talked about his or her sex life, it was only to insist that he or she was a virgin. And then that was it. Or at least that's the way I remember it. Like I said before, Jessica Simpson is the only person I ever remember hearing about that wore a ring promising her father to stay pure until she was married.

Now, there's nothing wrong with making that promise. Good for you. What interests me is the new fight against what we know as Hollywood. Ah, Hollywood...the disgusting cesspool of all the lowest, dirtiest, people in America. The place where all bad morals come into being and are then spread to the masses through the "liberal media elite" (You betcha!). The go-to spot for a new partner every couple of weeks complete with a high chance of an STD infection. (Oh, that Paris!) But now these kids have come in and told everyone(!) how they plan on saving themselves for marriage. Now I bet you're saying, "This chick's crazy! It's only the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus flashing their purity rings." Well, as usual, you're WRONG. There's Demi Lovato...Selena Gomez…uh, Jordin Sparks…ok. You weren't wrong. There's only a few that I can name. But it's still interesting!

On reason it's interesting is because, in case you haven't noticed, the Jonas Brothers are actual boys and they are the only boys on my list. America is in love with double-standards and one of our favorites is that men should sleep with as many women as possible while women should save her cherry for one lucky guy. So, the fact that the Jonas Brothers are all over the place insisting that they'll never touch genitals with a woman until they've both said "I Do" is very interesting. Most other boy celebrities their age would be subtly hinting at their numerous sexual exploits. But not these kids. They're all, "I'm saving myself for Jesus!"

The pure girls, however, aren't that interesting…which is why they are interesting. Your brain is aching -so let me explain. It's really only women who are expected to insist upon their virginity. Britney Spears did. Jessica Simpson did. Christina Aguilera (kinda) did. But no one was bugging Justin Timberlake about whether or not he'd swiped his v-card. No one was like, "Please, Backstreet Boys, tell me you're all virgins!" No. No one looses respect for a guy that is not a virgin but if you're a girl who's been doing the deed, then you'll get the branding: SLUT!/WHORE!/HO! It is not really abnormal for Miley to tell everyone that she's a virgin and tell everyone how long she insists about carry that title (Blessed Virgin Miley)because that's what we want to hear.

I think it's funny, and kind of sad, that these girls (yes, the Jonas Brothers included) have to flash their purity rings in order to maintain the respect of their fans and their fans' parents. It's no secret that young girls everywhere flocked to the IMDb boards to call Jamie Lynn Spears a SLUT! when they found out she was pregnant. It's also no secret that it's gonna be impossible for her to reappear on Nickelodeon and have the same career (assuming she still has a career) that she did before.

The pure Hollywood youngsters are alright. Their presence doesn't bother me. But it does highlight that ever present (and disgustingly hypocritical) double-standard that Americans have about sex. It also makes us ask, "Why do we care?" Should the fact that Selena Gomez is a virgin make me like her more than Jamie Lynn Spears who is so obviously NOT a virgin? Does not being a virgin depreciate one's human worth? If I'm a no talent loser can I still get a record deal if I show you my purity ring? And if I'm a not-so-talented guy who's had his share of ladies, will I be chosen over the talented girl who's had her share of guys?

I don't know - it's just something to think about.

P.S. - Happy Belated 16th Birfday Miley Cyrus! Look out for Miley on the road kiddos! (Really, look out. I don't trust this girl behind the wheel of a car. Still my idol!) Keep reading...

Where the Hell Did My Sanity Go?

It's something I ask every day in the morning.

Wallaby (edit: Señorita) doing a post about non-elderly stuff? Whaaaaaaaaa?

Yep, sure thing. I couldn't help it. It's just that it's looming. I feel it breathing down my neck and calling me, luring me to its lair.

Come, to meeee...Ssssit with me...Laugh at meeeee...

Guessed yet?

Twilight. Friday is the Twilight premiere. By Friday night, I will have watched it. I was convinced by my suitemates and RPattz to use my free movie pass to see what is surely to be one of the worst movies of my life. At least RPattz will be pretty.

We were originally going to go at Midnight to catch all the tween kids in love with the books AND RPattz's singing, the latter of which I will address at a later date. Anywho, the point was "Let's go make fun of these kids. It'll be great." Then we realized we're not that into it, and we have to wake up early on Friday for our radio show. Friday night it is. We're sure there'll still be some crazies up in that theater.

I still don't undertand the mania. The books were terrible (I got through 1, 2, then my brain died for a few days) and the movie will not be much better.

Wallaby, if u were a 13 yr grrl wen da books cam out rather than a 17 year old boi, you would LUV these books! Not ever1 is a "great writer" like you! It's not Toy Story!

Why kind reader! You're right! The point is, I was not thirteen, I was eighteen when I read the books, and I was thoroughly unimpressed. I won't get into why, because the list is much too long. In a few words though, the writing style was not up to par for the mania it's creating in adult housewives. The plot itself, not very good either. And by Toy Story, I'm guessing you mean Tolstoy. It's okay, i get them confuzzled too. I don't read Tolstoy. Fuck high literature. I read paranormal Romance novels, I know whay the good one's are like. (Check out MaryJanice Davidson to find out what I mean.) I am not a pretentious Literature kid, in fact the L is my least favorite part of my major. I literaly enjoy children's books, and not for nostaligic purposes (Check out I Went for a Walk for a good one.) I didn't get into Harry Potter until 6th grade and because Iw as forced to. It was well written and had a captivating plot, even if we all knew he wouldn't die at the end of book 7.

OMG! DAt's y u h8 Twilight! Cuz you love HArry and are PO'D that the movie got moved!

Yes, I am upset that the movie was moved to next summer because Warner Bros is a selfesh bum that doesn't understand the Dark Knight did well because it was Batman and a dead star. I'm also upset Emma Thompson opted to do Nanny McPhee 2 rather than Deathly Hallows, so it's not because of Twilight. I just don't like Twilight. Besides, what does it say about Twilight that they moved their date to November 21st after HP got pushed? If Twilight is supposed to beat out HP, then why not just go head to head, not sit back? Even the Twihards must understand Twilight and HP aren't on the same level.

Watever! Ur just bitter. Why not admit Twlight is AWESOME and accept it!. IT"S THE BEST BOOK EVARRRRRRRRRRRRR! LEt us like it, why do you judge us? It's hippocritical to judge us for liking Twilight and et mad when people say it's good.

I will not. I am bitter thanks to Warner Brothers, but not Twilight. It is not awesome in my book (pun intended). I do question people's taste when I learn they like Twilight, but I get over it , eventually. I do not get mad when people say it's good. I just don't understand. Just like people don't understand why I love HP, watch my school play Quidditch, and have a Wizard Rock radio with my friends. Just like people have the right to say I'm delusional, I am allowed to as well.

I'll even admit that I will not give up the possibility that my standards for this movie are SO low, that I'll walk out the theater thinking it wasn't that bad. The very small possibility. For all i know, I will get mobbed at the theater and not make it out alive. They can probably smell a mocker a mile away.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Lator.


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Some Knit Goodies (And Baddies)

So, I went on a whole birthday present knitfest. It was awesome. I went through a few different things. I found a cute cupcake pattern for crocheting, which I haven't quite mastered (or really learned at all). So obviously I tried to make my own pattern. It needs some work:

Pretty much looks like a poop penis with herpes and jizz all over it. (Quite appropriate considering the previous Penis Slide post.) I'll work on the pattern. Hopefully I'll get it right at some point because this will definitely be a cute last minute gift option.

The next is Godzilla from the Knitted Icons book. This is for my one year old nephew. He likes Elmo at the moment, so I need to make him a man! Which equals GIANT JAPANESE LIZARD!

Well, as much as I like the one I made, it doesn't quite look like the one in the book. It's the first time I've used the book's patterns, and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. The assembly for the legs and arms seem to not have been included which made my life a little difficult. We'll see how the other patterns work out for me. And who knows, maybe there'll be a future book review. Hmm...

Lastly, I made this bird from a pattern from the Knitted Toy Box. It is the cutest thing of my life. This is what I ended up sending to my friends for their birthdays. Definitely my last minute gift option for a while now.

I made a brown one too, but I guess I forgot to take a picture. The brown one had a smaller and cuter beak than this one, so it would've been nice to have two to compare. The purple one here was about to get packaged and sent out. I liked the nest of candy.*

Anywho, that's it for now. I need to get a mustache chart done so I can post it. It's necessary I sure you.

Lator.

*Don't ever buy candy at Sugar Heaven. They rape you with the prices. Just buy a lot at CVS candy and eat the leftovers.

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Why I Love...

Penis shaped slides!



Where is this slide??? I want to try it out!

ciao, October! Keep reading...

Boo! It's October!

We all know October is the month of scary; scary costumes, scary candy and even scarier Halloween specials of your favorite tv shows. ("Even scarier" = "extremely corny") I am of the opinion that October 2008 has to be one of the scariest Octobers yet - and here's why:

1. The ever plummeting economy! Nothing is scarier than being a college student and watching the economy die before your eyes. How the hell am I supposed to get a job? I can't sit here and blog for the rest of my life! (Well, I could, but the Jonas Brothers are destined to loose their fan base sometime soon.)

2. The premier of High School Musical 3: Senior Year. This one is extra scary. Almost scarier than the dying economy. I fear for my precious eyes which will be bombarded by pictures of resident pretty boy Zac Efron, his beard Baby V and "It was a deviated septum" Ashley Tisdale. I'm afraid I'll have to stop watching television until November rolls around - watching tv means I'll run the risk of seeing HSM3 trailers which also means I'll run the risk of hearing the horrid songs. Ouch. My eardrums ache just from the thought of it.

3. Britney Spears' New Single, Womanizer and accompanying MV. That was a long one. So, for some strange and twisted reason I usually like Britney Spears' "music." I think it's a result of being a young and impressionable child in the mid-90s. (Really, the 3 Britney Spears CDs I own were given to me as gifts. I liked BS but I never asked anyone for the CDs. Weird...) (lol...get it? BS? Haha!) Anywho, this new song is definitely NOT one I'd like to ever listen to again. The nicest way to put it is, uhh, it sucks. And the video? Same ol', same ol'. How do you know Halloween is fast approaching? Well, just look out for a music video featuring B. Spears writhing around in a sauna...in the nude. *Shiver*

4. Presidential "Debates". There's something inherently scary about watching two middle aged men squabble. Especially when that squabbling is over who gets to man our country over the next four years. I'm no big political fanatic but as a newly eligible voter I feel the need to use my awesome voting powers to end this squabble once and for all. November 4th will tell us whether or not we should continue to be scared for the next four years.

5. Last but not least...Saturday Night Live's Funny Spell! Honestly, what's scarier than SNL being funnier than it has for the last few seasons? It seems that SNL has been suffering from the "hit and miss" virus but lately, thanks to Tina Fey and the thick political air, it seems to be back on track for a while. We'll see what happens once the political race comes to a close and Amy Poehler leaves (*tear*) but there's hope! Take a look: SNL's saving grace.

Well kind readers, thank you for joining me on this scary ride. I hope I haven't given you a heart attack. Stay safe! And please, for your own health, stay home on October 24th.

ciao!

P.S. - Anyone realize that most of my posts have been lists? I should be a professional list maker...
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Build Your Own Rabbit Army!

So here’s the pattern for the bunny hat. Yea! This is meant for an adult. One day I might make a smaller version for a child or something, but for now adults get to be adorable.

I used a Medium weight yarn (Bernat Berella “4.” You know, The Afghan Yarn) in two different colors, white (C2) and black (C1). Though brown and beige, or any other cute bunny colors, would work. I had a lot of yarn left over so you could probably also use just one ball of one color, if you’d prefer. According to the packaging, tension’s about 4.5 stitches per inch. It didn’t occur to me to measure to get it right, but I’m sure any medium weight should be fine.

You’ll also need:
16” Circulars, Size 8
DPNs, Size 8
Straight needles, Size 8 (Optional. I just use the DPNs)
A stitch marker
A piece of pink felt, about 8x10”
Needle and thread that nearly matches the pink felt
Small crochet hook

Also please excuse any mistakes in notation and such. I’ll try my best to keep it to the standard notations but if there’s any confusion let me know. Onward!

Main Hat:

CO 90 stitches in C1. Place marker and join the round.
Rows 1-5: *k5, p5.* Repeat from * to* until end of row.
Rows 6-10: *p5, k5.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
Row 11: Switch to C2. K until end of row
Continue in stockinette stitch for 20 rows or until the C2 section is about 3.25 inches. Again, I forgot to keep track, but I’m pretty sure it was about 20.

Decreases (Switch to DPNs when needed. I had to at about row 27)

Row 21: *k11, k2tog.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
Row 22: *k10, k2tog.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
Row 23: *k9, k2tog.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
Row 24: *k8, k2tog.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
Row 25: *k7, k2tog.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
Row 26: *k6, k2tog.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
Row 27: *k5, k2tog.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
Row 28: *k4, k2tog.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
Row 29: *k3, k2tog.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
Row 30: *k2, k2tog.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
Row 31: *k1, k2tog.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
Row 32: *k2tog.* Repeat from * to * until end of row.
At this point there should be about 8 stitches on your needle. If not, then I forgot a row, which means you should repeat Row 32.

Cut the yarn and pull through remaining stitches. Weave in the ends.

Ear Flaps:

On CO edge, find a square of stockinette stitch. CO 15 stitches using straight needles. You should have CO on along three squares in a knit, purl, knit pattern. (I hope this makes sense). When you start knitting, the wrong side of the hat should be facing you.

Rows 1,3,5,6,8,10,11,13,15: k5, p5, k5
Rows 2,4,7,9,12,14: p5, k5, p5
Row 16: k1, k2tog, k2, p5, k2, k2tog, k1
Row 17: p4, k5, p4
Row 18: k4, p5, k4
Row 19: p1, p2tog, p1, k5, p1, p2tog, p1
Row 20: k3, p5, k3
Row 21: k3, p2tog, p1, p2tog, k3
Row 22: p3, k3, p3
Row 23: k1, k2tog, p1, p2tog, k2tog, k1
Row 24: p2, k2, p2
Row 25: k2, p2tog, k2
Bind Off. Weave in ends.

Lay the hat flat so you can find the location of the other side’s earflap. CO 15 stitches as before. This time the center square should be a stockinette square.

Rows 1,3,5,6,8,10,11,13,15: p5, k5, p5
Rows 2,4,7,9,12,14: k5, p5, k5
Row 16: p1, p2tog, p2, k5, p2, p2tog, p1
Row 17: k4, p5, k4
Row 18: p4, k5, p4
Row 19: k1, k2tog, k1, p5, k1, k2tog, k1
Row 20: p3, k5, p3
Row 21: p3, k2tog, k1, k2tog, p3
Row 22: k3, p3, k3
Row 23: p1, p2tog, k1, k2tog, p2tog, p1
Row 24: k2, p2, k2
Row 25: p2, k2tog, p2
Bind Off. Weave in ends.
(As you may notice, the other earflaps are exactly the same, other than the knits and purls are switched.)

Ears:
Try on the hat and pinpoint where you want the ears to be.

CO 10 stitches.
*Row 1: k10
Row 2: k2, p6, k2*
Repeat from * to * 19 times.

Row 41: k2, k2tog, k2, k2tog, k2
Row 42: k2, p4, k2
Row 43: k2, k2tog, k2tog, k2
Row 44: k2, p2, k2
Row 45: k2tog until end of row
Row 46: k3
Bind off. Weave in ends. Repeat for other ear.

(At this point you need to choose which side of the ear you like better: the knit or purl side. The side you like will NOT be covered by the felt.)

Measure the ear, and cut out two pieces of felt smaller than the ear so it fits in the non-garter stitch edges. Sew the felt on using a light colored thread, making sure to only sew into the top layer of yarn and not go through to the other side.

Braids:

Cut five 14” pieces of C1 yarn. Cut four pieces of 14” C2 yarn. Cut two pieces of 5” C1 yarn.
Divide into three groups:
Groups 1 and 3: two C1 strands, one C2 strand
Group 2: one C1 strand, two C2 strands

In the center of the ear flap, pull through Group 2 with the crochet hook in standard fringe way. Pull through Groups 1 and 3 in the same way, one on either side of Group 2.

Braid the strands together, treating each group as an individual strand. Tie off the end with one of the 5” strands. Trim to make even.

Repeat on the other ear flap.

And you’re done! As I mentioned before, this is my first real pattern, so hopefully it makes sense and if not, feel free to ask for clarification. Hope you enjoy making and wearing it.

Oh, one last note, though it's mildly unnecessary as you know this and are a good person. Please only use the pattern for personal use, not for some monetary gains.

Okay, enough bureaucratic shit. Go make a cute hat!

Lator!
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(Enter Rabbit Noises Here)

So I have completed a knit project. Yea! If it weren't for school, I'd have more, but you know, education sometimes gets in the way.

Anywho, here's a snapshot:

This was for a friend's birthday. She's wanted a bunny hat for quite some time now, so I figured I'd surprise her with this little guy. I think it came out super cute, and she loves it, so all in all, awesome times.

The pink felt was last minute, but I think it definitely made a difference. The ears are extended in the picture, but they actually flop over which gives an extra cuteness to the whole thing. Kind of proud of this since it's my first completed hat pattern. Actually, that's a lie. I have another one that I made for another friend's birthday, I just keep forgetting to get pictures of that one.

I have the pattern for the bunny hat written somewhere, and once I type it up I'll post it. I just wanted to get the picture up to share. I also have charts/patterns for a pipe and mustache that I need to post as well.
Goodness, if only knitting were a major...

Lator.
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Why I Love...

...Facial Hair.

Yep, beards, 5 o'clock shadows, mustaches, and sideburns. This post is an ode to the wonderful practice of facial styling.

I've always been a bit jealous of the male population because they can do so much with their faces. Sure, we girls get to play with make-up, and tweezers and all sorts of fun stuff (mmm….sarcasm), but I’d much rather grow something on my face and make it look good.

Guys get to have awesome handlebar mustaches, and mutton chop sideburns. (I think I just drooled myself to death.) We have to tweeze or wax or bleach any remnant of hair on our face. It’s a pain in the ass. Sometimes I wish I could just grow a beard and join ZZ Top. (Though the latter would require musical talent...)

You see, facial hair is the epitome of manliness. When a scrawny guy can’t grow a beard, he is still a child in the eyes of the world. Slap a beard on him and POOF! he’s a man. A 5 o’clock shadow is the sign of a labor worker coming home to his woman. The handlebar mustache is a sign of two different things: A) the distinguished individual in 1845, and B) the awesome individual of 2008. And sideburns...well sideburns are likes hands holding a mans face in a caressing gesture. And by that I mean sideburns are BAD ASS.

Moving on, the fact is that men have more fun than girls. They get to grow their facial hair and treat it like a topiary garden. The possibilities are nearly endless, as this fantastic man displays.

(sigh) Sounds terrible, and Freud would think I want a penis, but sometimes being a guy seems so appealing.

Guess I'll have to settle for dating guys with facial hair.

.

..

...

....Any takers?

Lator.

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Life, Liberty and the Making of Petitions

America is a great country. Here in America, we enjoy classic, unique pastimes such as eating apple pie, playing our nation's favorite sport, football, um, I mean, baseball, shooting things, watching reality television and spending valuable hours on Facebook. But there is no pastime as classic and as special to America as creating petitions.

Americans love to create petitions and protest stuff. I guarantee you - if you announce you are going to do something- anything - you will get at least two people willing to protest it. This phenomenon is even more pronounced in the age of Facebook where every issue spawns a group or two in protest. Here are a couple of my favorite most recent protests:

1. Breaking Dawn Petition. A group of Twilight fans (now former Twilight fans) asked that author, Stephenie Meyer, acknowledge the fact that many thought Breaking Dawn was an "EPIC FAIL." The best part of the petition is the response of Seth, Stephenie Meyer's brother - which is on the page in the link. (I honestly don't know who Seth is to Meyer besides being her brother. Is he her webmaster? Her assistant? I don't know, nor do I care.) I beg you to read it. Does it not look like it was written by an angry 15 year-old boy? It just reeks immaturity. Anyway, moving on...


2. Midnight Sun petition. Still in the Twilight spirit, we move on to the many petitions to keep Midnight Sun alive. Midnight Sun is part five of the Twilight "Saga." It's from Edward's point of view. She put up a rough draft of the first chapter a while ago and I recently read it. Shoot me in the face. It was like reading the secret diary of some 18th century emo kid. Anywho, if you haven't already heard, Mrs. Meyer went and handed out copies of her rough manuscript like it was candy on Halloween night and some very kind person leaked it to the internet for the world to read. Well, Mrs. Meyer was not happy about this so, she pouted, said she was putting it on hold indefinitely and then, said something to this effect: "I wish you wouldn't read it because I'm not done with it yet but I'm posting it on my website so you can read it anyway. If you were my real fans you wouldn't read it! *pout* But here it is anyway." Lots of sad 12 year-old girls read it and now want her to complete it. Why? Well, gee, I just don't know.

3. The "New Facebook" petitions. One of my favorite most recent petitions has been the many Facebook groups that popped up in response to the "new" Facebook. Now, I use Facebook (Probably a little too much...I need to work on that) and I was also a little confused by the new layout. But it didn't irk me as much as it did some. Some brave souls have threatened to cancel their accounts. Others have vowed to stop using Facebook. To me, the whole issue is ridiculous. I mean, yes, the new layout is kind of annoying and a bit unnecessary but, it's not that bad. AND it was gonna have to change sometime; couldn't be the same forever. It just makes me laugh to see people get all worked up over the layout of some site. Poor kids - they must lack lives even more than I do!

4. Half-Blood Prince Release Date Petition. This one also makes me smile. See, I'm a big HP fan and I too was disappointed by the delayed release of Half-Blood Prince. (Juicebox Rants was supposed to have a HP themed November!) What most disappointed me was that WB pretty much flat out said they're doing it for the money. Don't they have tact! Most other productions companies would be smart and lie! ("Uh, yea, we decided to re-shoot the whole movie...so we're gonna need a couple more months") But why protest? Does anyone seriously think that just because some people want to see it in Nov. that's gonna stop the WB from trying to rack in a couple more millions? Let me tell you something kiddies: Here in America we like money. Lots and lots and LOTS of money. So if some little fly whispered in the ear of the WB folks saying, "Hey, move the release to summer and you'll make LOTS of money like you did this summer with The Dark Knight," then the WB folks are gonna smile, get dollar signs in their eyes and announce a press conference.

Maybe I'm just a pessimist. Or maybe I'm not a real American. (What? Does no one else agree that baseball is almost as boring as golf?) But I really think that there are certain situations where petitions are useless. Sorry Twilight fans - Stephenie Meyer is too much of a baby to admit her book sucked and she's too much of an attention whore to forfeit the opportunity to raise another cash cow. So, don't expect any acknowledgment and look out for Midnight Sun sometime within the next 5 years. Sorry Facebook users - "New Facebook" is here to stay. Get used to it. And sorry fellow HP fans. We're just gonna have to wait a couple more months to see Daniel Radcliffe (aka D.Rad aka THE SEX).

Sometimes petitions are useful. Sometimes they're a genuine waste of time. But most of the time, they're just good for the lulz.

ciao. Keep reading...

Which Would the Tin Man Prefer?

It's a good day for sure, because not only is the first list done (check it out for a barrel of laughs), but also after about a week or so I have finished my first embroidered project. It was a pretty ambitious first project I think. Thing is that it didn't include just embroidery but it was pretty big for a first try, and also included sewing linings and such things to make it pretty. Anyway, I'm quite happy, and here are pictures! It's like I'm a new mother, they're my babies, and you're the co worker who couldn't give a damn but are politely looking anyway. Rejoicing ensues.

So here's the overall view. Ignore the ugly linoleum please...To give you a sense of the bag size, it fits my laptop and then some. Yeah awesome school bag! The color choice for the bag isn't the best considering the amount of red embroidery, and the yellow is random, but when I bought the bag I was intending on screen printing, not embroidering lol

Here's a close up so you can see their adorable faces! Even the commentary is like the baby thing...
I'd originally used a very chain-like split stitch by hand to do the robots outlines, but it looked wonky so i did the third by machine. It looked great so I undid the other two and machine embroidered them as well. The faces and hearts were done by hand.

This is the lovely lining. I'm in love with this purple plaid.There was a lot left over so I hope to do more with it in the future. I'm thinking a vest, but my summer's over so it may take a while.

The straps were pretty fun. I wanted some of those awesome retro starbursts, but after some advice, it seemed that the robots took up a lot of space, but the straps were bare. The lining was a bitch to sew. I used our sewing machine, but i had to stop every couple inches because i had to watch out for the starbursts. It didn't help that the machine would stop randomly with no reason in sight.

Here's Sad Robot Number 1's zombie heart. I was quite proud of this one. It was my first of the three. Though I might not have done the satin stitch, looking back, because the stitches were quite long and the middle ones are running the risk of becoming loose. I particularly enjoy the bloody bits.

Speaking of bloody bits, here's Sad Robot Number 2's heart. I might be most proud of this one. It's as close to a human heart as I could draw on my own. I'll admit my mom drew on the other ones from a copy of the original design, but that's because she can draw while I can't. I just might trust my drawing now since this one came out pretty cool. It's hard to see the two different colors in person, but I'm glad the camera somehow got the color right.

And finally Happy Robot's metal heart. It didn't fill as well as the others, but the thread was thinner spool thread so it was mildly expected. I'll just say that it looks like the grain metal gets when you sand it ;)

Anywho, the rivets are made with french knots. I wasn't looking at the original drawing when i was adding them, so i forgot that not every edge of the sections had rivets, and now it looks crowded. However, unlike the original robot outlines, I wasn't about to cut out all the french knots and re-do it.

Anywho, I hope you enjoy the first elderly craft of the blog. Along with the new list on the side. I think Cuteness did a damn good job with that list. It entertains me. Alrighty, that is all for now...

Lies! I forgot to mention that I didn't win the Sugar Slam, though I got an honorable mention which is pretty cool.

Okay now I'm done.

Lator!

PS Sorry for the image heavy post, but I had too :D
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Happy September!

Check out our awesome list (to the left, to the left!...sorry). Hopefully this can become a monthly feature.

This month's list highlights some of the best anti-Twilight quotes that exist on the internetz. It is true that a majority of them are from Encyclopedia Dramatica's Twilight article but, I couldn't help it. Sue me. (Please don't) Click any quote to be magically transported to it's original location and enjoy major lulz.

ciao, y'all!

P.S. - Happy Labor Day, too, I guess. Keep reading...

Why I Love...

*I've decided to take a break from my Disney teen star worship to do something a little less useless. I could probably be doing homework but, let's give it a try anyway*

...Daniel Radcliffe.
I have to admit, with great shame of course, that I didn't always like D.Rad. I thought he was a bad actor and *gasp* ugly. (The shame, the shame!) But over the years, Daniel has come to prove that he is worthy of my love (which is his main motivation, of course).

I really like how Daniel has made a genuine attempt to improve his acting and step outside of Harry Potter. Besides his highly amusing Extras guest star role, I haven't had the fortune of seeing him act in anything non-Harry Potter, (December Boys still sits on my computer, waiting to be watched), but I could definitely see the effect it had on his skills. For example, when I saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, instead of thinking what I usually thought when I watch a Harry Potter film, ("This movie sucks. I wonder when it comes out on DVD?") I was thinking, "This movie kinda sucks but, D. Rad's really, really improved!" And that he did. I don't know much about acting but, I do know that I could tell that he wasn't the same D.Rad from Goblet of Fire.

I also love D.Rad b/c dude's fearless! If you haven't already heard, dearest Daniel got naked for his part in the play Equus. It was a really brave part to play. Not really b/c of his Harry Potter image but mostly because of the sort of guts it takes to hop up on stage in the nude. I really wish I had the chance (and the money) to see Equus b/c it sounds really interesting and I'd like to see if he lives up to the rave reviews. (No, I'm not trying to check out D.Rad's junk...yet.)

The best reason for loving D.Rad is his awesome interviews. He's so incredibly enthusiastic and he seems to have a great sense of humor. Yes, he talks too much sometimes and usually sounds like he just got done w/a 10 mile run but he's very entertaining and seems like a good sport.

I guess that pretty much sums up my love of D.Rad. Of course, it's really way to big, deep and complicated for me to fully explain its intricacies, so you'll have to live w/this. He's seems like a genuine guy who's quite determined to make acting his bitch, uh...I mean, craft. A couple of years ago I wouldn't have said it but, I honestly think he has a fighting chance. More than a fighting chance. So, Acting, pull your pants down and bend over - D.Rad's coming to get ya.

ciao, bellas.


P.S. - Can someone please teach me how to use commas? I really don't remember anymore. It saddens the English professor inside of me.
P.P.S. - I don't think D. Rad's ugly anymore either. I must say, he is quite an attractive young man! Keep reading...