Why I Love...

...Facial Hair.

Yep, beards, 5 o'clock shadows, mustaches, and sideburns. This post is an ode to the wonderful practice of facial styling.

I've always been a bit jealous of the male population because they can do so much with their faces. Sure, we girls get to play with make-up, and tweezers and all sorts of fun stuff (mmm….sarcasm), but I’d much rather grow something on my face and make it look good.

Guys get to have awesome handlebar mustaches, and mutton chop sideburns. (I think I just drooled myself to death.) We have to tweeze or wax or bleach any remnant of hair on our face. It’s a pain in the ass. Sometimes I wish I could just grow a beard and join ZZ Top. (Though the latter would require musical talent...)

You see, facial hair is the epitome of manliness. When a scrawny guy can’t grow a beard, he is still a child in the eyes of the world. Slap a beard on him and POOF! he’s a man. A 5 o’clock shadow is the sign of a labor worker coming home to his woman. The handlebar mustache is a sign of two different things: A) the distinguished individual in 1845, and B) the awesome individual of 2008. And sideburns...well sideburns are likes hands holding a mans face in a caressing gesture. And by that I mean sideburns are BAD ASS.

Moving on, the fact is that men have more fun than girls. They get to grow their facial hair and treat it like a topiary garden. The possibilities are nearly endless, as this fantastic man displays.

(sigh) Sounds terrible, and Freud would think I want a penis, but sometimes being a guy seems so appealing.

Guess I'll have to settle for dating guys with facial hair.

.

..

...

....Any takers?

Lator.

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Now playing: Mr. T Experience - Fucked Up On Life
via FoxyTunes

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Life, Liberty and the Making of Petitions

America is a great country. Here in America, we enjoy classic, unique pastimes such as eating apple pie, playing our nation's favorite sport, football, um, I mean, baseball, shooting things, watching reality television and spending valuable hours on Facebook. But there is no pastime as classic and as special to America as creating petitions.

Americans love to create petitions and protest stuff. I guarantee you - if you announce you are going to do something- anything - you will get at least two people willing to protest it. This phenomenon is even more pronounced in the age of Facebook where every issue spawns a group or two in protest. Here are a couple of my favorite most recent protests:

1. Breaking Dawn Petition. A group of Twilight fans (now former Twilight fans) asked that author, Stephenie Meyer, acknowledge the fact that many thought Breaking Dawn was an "EPIC FAIL." The best part of the petition is the response of Seth, Stephenie Meyer's brother - which is on the page in the link. (I honestly don't know who Seth is to Meyer besides being her brother. Is he her webmaster? Her assistant? I don't know, nor do I care.) I beg you to read it. Does it not look like it was written by an angry 15 year-old boy? It just reeks immaturity. Anyway, moving on...


2. Midnight Sun petition. Still in the Twilight spirit, we move on to the many petitions to keep Midnight Sun alive. Midnight Sun is part five of the Twilight "Saga." It's from Edward's point of view. She put up a rough draft of the first chapter a while ago and I recently read it. Shoot me in the face. It was like reading the secret diary of some 18th century emo kid. Anywho, if you haven't already heard, Mrs. Meyer went and handed out copies of her rough manuscript like it was candy on Halloween night and some very kind person leaked it to the internet for the world to read. Well, Mrs. Meyer was not happy about this so, she pouted, said she was putting it on hold indefinitely and then, said something to this effect: "I wish you wouldn't read it because I'm not done with it yet but I'm posting it on my website so you can read it anyway. If you were my real fans you wouldn't read it! *pout* But here it is anyway." Lots of sad 12 year-old girls read it and now want her to complete it. Why? Well, gee, I just don't know.

3. The "New Facebook" petitions. One of my favorite most recent petitions has been the many Facebook groups that popped up in response to the "new" Facebook. Now, I use Facebook (Probably a little too much...I need to work on that) and I was also a little confused by the new layout. But it didn't irk me as much as it did some. Some brave souls have threatened to cancel their accounts. Others have vowed to stop using Facebook. To me, the whole issue is ridiculous. I mean, yes, the new layout is kind of annoying and a bit unnecessary but, it's not that bad. AND it was gonna have to change sometime; couldn't be the same forever. It just makes me laugh to see people get all worked up over the layout of some site. Poor kids - they must lack lives even more than I do!

4. Half-Blood Prince Release Date Petition. This one also makes me smile. See, I'm a big HP fan and I too was disappointed by the delayed release of Half-Blood Prince. (Juicebox Rants was supposed to have a HP themed November!) What most disappointed me was that WB pretty much flat out said they're doing it for the money. Don't they have tact! Most other productions companies would be smart and lie! ("Uh, yea, we decided to re-shoot the whole movie...so we're gonna need a couple more months") But why protest? Does anyone seriously think that just because some people want to see it in Nov. that's gonna stop the WB from trying to rack in a couple more millions? Let me tell you something kiddies: Here in America we like money. Lots and lots and LOTS of money. So if some little fly whispered in the ear of the WB folks saying, "Hey, move the release to summer and you'll make LOTS of money like you did this summer with The Dark Knight," then the WB folks are gonna smile, get dollar signs in their eyes and announce a press conference.

Maybe I'm just a pessimist. Or maybe I'm not a real American. (What? Does no one else agree that baseball is almost as boring as golf?) But I really think that there are certain situations where petitions are useless. Sorry Twilight fans - Stephenie Meyer is too much of a baby to admit her book sucked and she's too much of an attention whore to forfeit the opportunity to raise another cash cow. So, don't expect any acknowledgment and look out for Midnight Sun sometime within the next 5 years. Sorry Facebook users - "New Facebook" is here to stay. Get used to it. And sorry fellow HP fans. We're just gonna have to wait a couple more months to see Daniel Radcliffe (aka D.Rad aka THE SEX).

Sometimes petitions are useful. Sometimes they're a genuine waste of time. But most of the time, they're just good for the lulz.

ciao. Keep reading...

Which Would the Tin Man Prefer?

It's a good day for sure, because not only is the first list done (check it out for a barrel of laughs), but also after about a week or so I have finished my first embroidered project. It was a pretty ambitious first project I think. Thing is that it didn't include just embroidery but it was pretty big for a first try, and also included sewing linings and such things to make it pretty. Anyway, I'm quite happy, and here are pictures! It's like I'm a new mother, they're my babies, and you're the co worker who couldn't give a damn but are politely looking anyway. Rejoicing ensues.

So here's the overall view. Ignore the ugly linoleum please...To give you a sense of the bag size, it fits my laptop and then some. Yeah awesome school bag! The color choice for the bag isn't the best considering the amount of red embroidery, and the yellow is random, but when I bought the bag I was intending on screen printing, not embroidering lol

Here's a close up so you can see their adorable faces! Even the commentary is like the baby thing...
I'd originally used a very chain-like split stitch by hand to do the robots outlines, but it looked wonky so i did the third by machine. It looked great so I undid the other two and machine embroidered them as well. The faces and hearts were done by hand.

This is the lovely lining. I'm in love with this purple plaid.There was a lot left over so I hope to do more with it in the future. I'm thinking a vest, but my summer's over so it may take a while.

The straps were pretty fun. I wanted some of those awesome retro starbursts, but after some advice, it seemed that the robots took up a lot of space, but the straps were bare. The lining was a bitch to sew. I used our sewing machine, but i had to stop every couple inches because i had to watch out for the starbursts. It didn't help that the machine would stop randomly with no reason in sight.

Here's Sad Robot Number 1's zombie heart. I was quite proud of this one. It was my first of the three. Though I might not have done the satin stitch, looking back, because the stitches were quite long and the middle ones are running the risk of becoming loose. I particularly enjoy the bloody bits.

Speaking of bloody bits, here's Sad Robot Number 2's heart. I might be most proud of this one. It's as close to a human heart as I could draw on my own. I'll admit my mom drew on the other ones from a copy of the original design, but that's because she can draw while I can't. I just might trust my drawing now since this one came out pretty cool. It's hard to see the two different colors in person, but I'm glad the camera somehow got the color right.

And finally Happy Robot's metal heart. It didn't fill as well as the others, but the thread was thinner spool thread so it was mildly expected. I'll just say that it looks like the grain metal gets when you sand it ;)

Anywho, the rivets are made with french knots. I wasn't looking at the original drawing when i was adding them, so i forgot that not every edge of the sections had rivets, and now it looks crowded. However, unlike the original robot outlines, I wasn't about to cut out all the french knots and re-do it.

Anywho, I hope you enjoy the first elderly craft of the blog. Along with the new list on the side. I think Cuteness did a damn good job with that list. It entertains me. Alrighty, that is all for now...

Lies! I forgot to mention that I didn't win the Sugar Slam, though I got an honorable mention which is pretty cool.

Okay now I'm done.

Lator!

PS Sorry for the image heavy post, but I had too :D
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Now playing: Spring Heeled Jack - Waiting, Watching
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Happy September!

Check out our awesome list (to the left, to the left!...sorry). Hopefully this can become a monthly feature.

This month's list highlights some of the best anti-Twilight quotes that exist on the internetz. It is true that a majority of them are from Encyclopedia Dramatica's Twilight article but, I couldn't help it. Sue me. (Please don't) Click any quote to be magically transported to it's original location and enjoy major lulz.

ciao, y'all!

P.S. - Happy Labor Day, too, I guess. Keep reading...