Sunday, November 30, 2008

Why I Love...

...Spunk Ransom AKA RPattz AKA Robert Pattinson

You may know RPattz through one of two ways: 1) The messy fellow who portrayed the suave, dapper and yet unlucky Ce
dric Diggory in the movie version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire OR 2) The poor, unfortunate soul tricked into playing the oh-so-dazzling, abusive, 100-something-year-old virgin Edward Cullen from the movie version of Stephenie Meyer's mess of a book Twilight.

I love RPattz because even though he moved from one great book to a really terrible one, he has managed to maintain his integrity and all around awesomeness. How, you ask, does one maintain his or her awesomeness and integrity when having to be associated with such horrendous source material? Simple: you subtly insult the author of the horrendous source material, and the horrendous source material itself, every chance you can get.
RPattz has pointed out the fact that Bella is only in love with Edward because he's hot. RPattz has observed that Bella is alarmingly obsessed with Edward. RPattz has been very insightful into the fact that Eddie is a lame vampire. RPattz has voiced the concern that the Bella and Ed "love story" is a sick fantasy of Meyer's and that in order for anyone to write that shit they had to be "mad." He said this all out loud. In front of rabid fangirls. And they still continue to love him. He's full of magic!

This brings me to my next projection of love. I love the fact that RPattz is as scared of the rabid fangirls as he should be. He has expressed numerous times his fear of this new found fame and the fear of the obsessed tween crowd. I fear for the poor boy's life.

I also love RPattz complete disregard for the way he looks. The kid looks like he may bathe or shave or brush his hair once every 2 or 3 weeks. He just doesn't give a damn. If you haven't noticed (and I beg you to go on to Google Image and notice) he has an amazing grove of locs growing on his head that he refuses to brush too often. This makes for ingenious hair art that truly dazzles all who encounter him. I weep when I look at the pictures where his hair is groomed.

It appears that Twilight has done some good after all. I commend Twilight for bringing RPattz back into my life. I was afraid I would never get to see his unbrushed mane every again after he was taken away from us in GoF. And if that had happened, well, I don't know if I would be here right now.

As a thank you to RPattz and his bravery in the face of rabid fangirls and terrible source material, I say we all get together and go out and find some other poor sucker to take his place in the (unavoidable) sequel to Twilight.

I nominate Joe Jonas.

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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Let Our Chastity Combine...GO PURITY!

I'm am thoroughly disappointed in the number of pure teen stars that insist upon spoiling the good name of young Hollywood. I don't know whether or not you've noticed but, there has been a strange onslaught of "pure" Hollywood kids, all donning purity rings. This is new to me because when I was growing up (which I am nowhere near done doing, mind you) there were no "pure" young stars. Well, except for Jessica Simpson - but was she really a star? Yeah… Anyways, when a young star ever talked about his or her sex life, it was only to insist that he or she was a virgin. And then that was it. Or at least that's the way I remember it. Like I said before, Jessica Simpson is the only person I ever remember hearing about that wore a ring promising her father to stay pure until she was married.

Now, there's nothing wrong with making that promise. Good for you. What interests me is the new fight against what we know as Hollywood. Ah, Hollywood...the disgusting cesspool of all the lowest, dirtiest, people in America. The place where all bad morals come into being and are then spread to the masses through the "liberal media elite" (You betcha!). The go-to spot for a new partner every couple of weeks complete with a high chance of an STD infection. (Oh, that Paris!) But now these kids have come in and told everyone(!) how they plan on saving themselves for marriage. Now I bet you're saying, "This chick's crazy! It's only the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus flashing their purity rings." Well, as usual, you're WRONG. There's Demi Lovato...Selena Gomez…uh, Jordin Sparks…ok. You weren't wrong. There's only a few that I can name. But it's still interesting!

On reason it's interesting is because, in case you haven't noticed, the Jonas Brothers are actual boys and they are the only boys on my list. America is in love with double-standards and one of our favorites is that men should sleep with as many women as possible while women should save her cherry for one lucky guy. So, the fact that the Jonas Brothers are all over the place insisting that they'll never touch genitals with a woman until they've both said "I Do" is very interesting. Most other boy celebrities their age would be subtly hinting at their numerous sexual exploits. But not these kids. They're all, "I'm saving myself for Jesus!"

The pure girls, however, aren't that interesting…which is why they are interesting. Your brain is aching -so let me explain. It's really only women who are expected to insist upon their virginity. Britney Spears did. Jessica Simpson did. Christina Aguilera (kinda) did. But no one was bugging Justin Timberlake about whether or not he'd swiped his v-card. No one was like, "Please, Backstreet Boys, tell me you're all virgins!" No. No one looses respect for a guy that is not a virgin but if you're a girl who's been doing the deed, then you'll get the branding: SLUT!/WHORE!/HO! It is not really abnormal for Miley to tell everyone that she's a virgin and tell everyone how long she insists about carry that title (Blessed Virgin Miley)because that's what we want to hear.

I think it's funny, and kind of sad, that these girls (yes, the Jonas Brothers included) have to flash their purity rings in order to maintain the respect of their fans and their fans' parents. It's no secret that young girls everywhere flocked to the IMDb boards to call Jamie Lynn Spears a SLUT! when they found out she was pregnant. It's also no secret that it's gonna be impossible for her to reappear on Nickelodeon and have the same career (assuming she still has a career) that she did before.

The pure Hollywood youngsters are alright. Their presence doesn't bother me. But it does highlight that ever present (and disgustingly hypocritical) double-standard that Americans have about sex. It also makes us ask, "Why do we care?" Should the fact that Selena Gomez is a virgin make me like her more than Jamie Lynn Spears who is so obviously NOT a virgin? Does not being a virgin depreciate one's human worth? If I'm a no talent loser can I still get a record deal if I show you my purity ring? And if I'm a not-so-talented guy who's had his share of ladies, will I be chosen over the talented girl who's had her share of guys?

I don't know - it's just something to think about.

P.S. - Happy Belated 16th Birfday Miley Cyrus! Look out for Miley on the road kiddos! (Really, look out. I don't trust this girl behind the wheel of a car. Still my idol!)
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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Where the Hell Did My Sanity Go?

It's something I ask every day in the morning.

Wallaby (edit: Señorita) doing a post about non-elderly stuff? Whaaaaaaaaa?

Yep, sure thing. I couldn't help it. It's just that it's looming. I feel it breathing down my neck and calling me, luring me to its lair.

Come, to meeee...Ssssit with me...Laugh at meeeee...

Guessed yet?

Twilight. Friday is the Twilight premiere. By Friday night, I will have watched it. I was convinced by my suitemates and RPattz to use my free movie pass to see what is surely to be one of the worst movies of my life. At least RPattz will be pretty.
We were originally going to go at Midnight to catch all the tween kids in love with the books AND RPattz's singing, the latter of which I will address at a later date. Anywho, the point was "Let's go make fun of these kids. It'll be great." Then we realized we're not that into it, and we have to wake up early on Friday for our radio show. Friday night it is. We're sure there'll still be some crazies up in that theater.
I still don't undertand the mania. The books were terrible (I got through 1, 2, then my brain died for a few days) and the movie will not be much better.

Wallaby, if u were a 13 yr grrl wen da books cam out rather than a 17 year old boi, you would LUV these books! Not ever1 is a "great writer" like you! It's not Toy Story!

Why kind reader! You're right! The point is, I was not thirteen, I was eighteen when I read the books, and I was thoroughly unimpressed. I won't get into why, because the list is much too long. In a few words though, the writing style was not up to par for the mania it's creating in adult housewives. The plot itself, not very good either. And by Toy Story, I'm guessing you mean Tolstoy. It's okay, i get them confuzzled too. I don't read Tolstoy. Fuck high literature. I read paranormal Romance novels, I know whay the good one's are like. (Check out MaryJanice Davidson to find out what I mean.) I am not a pretentious Literature kid, in fact the L is my least favorite part of my major. I literaly enjoy children's books, and not for nostaligic purposes (Check out I Went for a Walk for a good one.) I didn't get into Harry Potter until 6th grade and because Iw as forced to. It was well written and had a captivating plot, even if we all knew he wouldn't die at the end of book 7.

OMG! DAt's y u h8 Twilight! Cuz you love HArry and are PO'D that the movie got moved!

Yes, I am upset that the movie was moved to next summer because Warner Bros is a selfesh bum that doesn't understand the Dark Knight did well because it was Batman and a dead star. I'm also upset Emma Thompson opted to do Nanny McPhee 2 rather than Deathly Hallows, so it's not because of Twilight. I just don't like Twilight. Besides, what does it say about Twilight that they moved their date to November 21st after HP got pushed? If Twilight is supposed to beat out HP, then why not just go head to head, not sit back? Even the Twihards must understand Twilight and HP aren't on the same level.

Watever! Ur just bitter. Why not admit Twlight is AWESOME and accept it!. IT"S THE BEST BOOK EVARRRRRRRRRRRRR! LEt us like it, why do you judge us? It's hippocritical to judge us for liking Twilight and et mad when people say it's good.

I will not. I am bitter thanks to Warner Brothers, but not Twilight. It is not awesome in my book (pun intended). I do question people's taste when I learn they like Twilight, but I get over it , eventually. I do not get mad when people say it's good. I just don't understand. Just like people don't understand why I love HP, watch my school play Quidditch, and have a Wizard Rock radio with my friends. Just like people have the right to say I'm delusional, I am allowed to as well.

I'll even admit that I will not give up the possibility that my standards for this movie are SO low, that I'll walk out the theater thinking it wasn't that bad. The very small possibility. For all i know, I will get mobbed at the theater and not make it out alive. They can probably smell a mocker a mile away.

I'll let you know how it goes.


Now playing:
Lucky Boys Confusion - Child's Play
via FoxyTunes

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Monday, November 3, 2008

Some Knit Goodies (And Baddies)

So, I went on a whole birthday present knitfest. It was awesome. I went through a few different things. I found a cute cupcake pattern for crocheting, which I haven't quite mastered (or really learned at all). So obviously I tried to make my own pattern. It needs some work:

Pretty much looks like a poop penis with herpes and jizz all over it. (Quite appropriate considering the previous
Penis Slide post.) I'll work on the pattern. Hopefully I'll get it right at some point because this will definitely be a cute last minute gift option.

The next is Godzilla from the Knitted Icons book. This is for my one year old nephew. He likes Elmo at the moment, so I need to make him a man! Which equals GIANT JAPANESE LIZARD!

Well, as much as I like the one I made, it doesn't quite look like the one in the book. It's the first time I've used the book's patterns, and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. The assembly for the legs and arms seem to not have been included which made my life a little difficult. We'll see how the other patterns work out for me. And who knows, maybe there'll be a future book review. Hmm...

Lastly, I made this bird from a pattern from the Knitted Toy Box. It is the cutest thing of my life. This is what I ended up sending to my friends for their birthdays. Definitely my last minute gift option for a while now.
I made a brown one too, but I guess I forgot to take a picture. The brown one had a smaller and cuter beak than this one, so it would've been nice to have two to compare. The purple one here was about to get packaged and sent out. I liked the nest of candy.*

Anywho, that's it for now. I need to get a mustache chart done so I can post it. It's necessary I sure you.


*Don't ever buy candy at Sugar Heaven. They rape you with the prices. Just buy a lot at CVS candy and eat the leftovers.

Now playing:
Aquabats - Fashion Zombies!
via FoxyTunes
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