Sunday, November 30, 2008

Why I Love...

...Spunk Ransom AKA RPattz AKA Robert Pattinson

You may know RPattz through one of two ways: 1) The messy fellow who portrayed the suave, dapper and yet unlucky Ce
dric Diggory in the movie version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire OR 2) The poor, unfortunate soul tricked into playing the oh-so-dazzling, abusive, 100-something-year-old virgin Edward Cullen from the movie version of Stephenie Meyer's mess of a book Twilight.

I love RPattz because even though he moved from one great book to a really terrible one, he has managed to maintain his integrity and all around awesomeness. How, you ask, does one maintain his or her awesomeness and integrity when having to be associated with such horrendous source material? Simple: you subtly insult the author of the horrendous source material, and the horrendous source material itself, every chance you can get.
RPattz has pointed out the fact that Bella is only in love with Edward because he's hot. RPattz has observed that Bella is alarmingly obsessed with Edward. RPattz has been very insightful into the fact that Eddie is a lame vampire. RPattz has voiced the concern that the Bella and Ed "love story" is a sick fantasy of Meyer's and that in order for anyone to write that shit they had to be "mad." He said this all out loud. In front of rabid fangirls. And they still continue to love him. He's full of magic!

This brings me to my next projection of love. I love the fact that RPattz is as scared of the rabid fangirls as he should be. He has expressed numerous times his fear of this new found fame and the fear of the obsessed tween crowd. I fear for the poor boy's life.

I also love RPattz complete disregard for the way he looks. The kid looks like he may bathe or shave or brush his hair once every 2 or 3 weeks. He just doesn't give a damn. If you haven't noticed (and I beg you to go on to Google Image and notice) he has an amazing grove of locs growing on his head that he refuses to brush too often. This makes for ingenious hair art that truly dazzles all who encounter him. I weep when I look at the pictures where his hair is groomed.

It appears that Twilight has done some good after all. I commend Twilight for bringing RPattz back into my life. I was afraid I would never get to see his unbrushed mane every again after he was taken away from us in GoF. And if that had happened, well, I don't know if I would be here right now.

As a thank you to RPattz and his bravery in the face of rabid fangirls and terrible source material, I say we all get together and go out and find some other poor sucker to take his place in the (unavoidable) sequel to Twilight.

I nominate Joe Jonas.

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