Why I Love...

...Megan Fox!

(Man...it is so hard to find a picture of Megan Fox in her underwear)

How do I love thee, Megan Fox? Let me count the ways.

I don't know about you but I'm sad that Jennifer's Body has debuted in theaters because I will be without my Megan Fox "Quote of the Day." During the Transformers publicity extravaganza, Megan Fox only barely tickled my fancy. But now, with the publicity jubilee of Jennifer's Body, she's won the key to my fickle heart. Megan Fox has proved she's a jack of all trades. No, she's not just an actress and sexy model. She's so much more. Don't worry, I'll share:

++Psychologist. PROOF: "I could end up like that because I constantly struggle with the idea that I think I’m a borderline personality—or that I have bouts of mild schizophrenia. I definitely have some kind of mental problem and I haven’t pinpointed what it is." (Wonderland Magazine)

I don't know of many people who, without a degree in Psychology, can diagnose themselves with a mental disorder. But Megan Fox can. She can do anything.

++Expert on men. PROOF: "I never call them guys. I always called them boys. Maybe it's a superiority complex — my needing to keep them down." (Cosmo)

Take notes ladies! Megan Fox knows about men, I mean boys, and how to keep them in their places. It's the mind games. Call them boys. That is all.

++2 HOTT 4 U. PROOF: "I resent having to prove that I’m not a retard — but I do. And part of it is my own fault. I’m just really confident sexually, and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores. It’s just there. It’s something I don’t have to turn on." (Elle)

Megan Fox is sexy as hell and she doesn't even have to try. And you? You have to try. You try so hard but you can never reach the level of sexy that Megan Fox is at because the sexy is not in your pores. You FAIL, Megan Fox WINS.

For further proof that Megan Fox is so much sexier than you can ever even hope to be, see any spread she's done in any magazine ever.

++Philosopher. PROOF: "When you think about it, we actors are kind of prostitutes. We get paid to feign attraction and love. Other people are paying to watch us kissing someone, touching someone, doing things people in a normal monogamous relationship would never do with anyone who’s not their partner. It’s really kind of gross." (GQ)

Whoa, Megan Fox! Slow down there. That's too much deep thinking for me. Move over, Socrates.

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I wasn't sure before but now I know I love Megan Fox. She's not afraid to be her good ol' krazy, sexy, weird self. And I can appreciate a girl who doesn't apologize for all the stupid stuff she says. Plus her last name is "Fox." How great is that?! You go, Megan Fox! Keep reading...

Video Vomit: "She's Just Being Miley" Edition

When I grow up, I wanna be just like Miley.

I know I already talked about Miley's "Party in the USA" performance at the TCAs and I didn't really plan on revisiting that gross song until Miley one-upped herself with the BEAUTIFUL gem that is her music video. Ok - I'm not gonna lie. I was eagerly awaiting this video. And it's everything I hoped it would be - and more!

First of all, it seems like Miley is wearing a recycled TCA outfit with a few minor tweaks. For one, she dumped the sparkly latex booty shorts for the even more classy denim booty shorts. She then decided that just showing her bra wasn't enough. So, Billy Ray took his bestest bud out to Victoria's Secret and got her a nice push up bra to wear. Aw, good old-fashion father/daughter time. So not only do we get to ogle her butt, we also get an eye of her underage bosom. Grand!

But Miley doesn't stop there. No. She's a true performer and she takes it all the way. My favorite part comes circa 3:05 when Miley shows how a true Virgin puts it down. Pop that booty girl! Show us how it's done!

There actually isn't that much going on in this video besides Miley bouncing around that...wherever the hell she is and grabbing at her luscious weave. She proves to us, once again, that she's not a very good dancer. However, she can pop her butt and do body rolls so that's good, I guess. It really isn't very scandalous (We've seen worse, no?) but it does scream "Please believe I'm so mature for 16!" and "I really wanna be a sex symbol!"

My only advice is: Leave the sexiness to the pros, Miley. Be patient my child for one day you will get to slut it up like no one's slutted it up before. One day.

ciao :)

Keep reading...

Real Talk: MTV Video Music Awards 2009

Ok, so I'm a wimp. I couldn't even watch the whole thing. I'm sorry! But I can only take so much. Anywho, Keep Reading...to share my pain.

Madge. Real Talk: I didn't think old people had time for the VMAs. *shrug* But her words were heartfelt and sweet. It was a very nice start to the show. Too bad it just went downhill from there. But, she's quite awesome in her own right so it was cool to hear her talk. (Also, can we lay off the Botox? I don't know why people equate old with ugly. Madge was hot stuff back in the day. If she'd aged naturally she would look really good.)

MJ Tribute/Janet. Real Talk: Not bad. I'm starting to tire of the MJ tributing now. (Thank GOD that Jermaine's little shindig has been postponed). However, this was quite nice. I always forget about Janet - I was never really into Ms. Jackson (if you're nasty) - but she did her thing. Her big bro would be proud.

KANYE "KRAZY" WEST. Real Talk: Dude had Facebook BUZZIN'. He's outta control. How dare he diss Taylor Swift like that?! Take it back Kanye, take it back! Seriously though: Was that a "HAHA" throwback to that little stunt he threw at the Grammy's (??) a couple years ago? Cuz if he was joking it wasn't funny. If he wasn't joking then, in the words of my brother, he's a dickhead.

Russell Brand. Real Talk: He sucks. Revoke his Visa. The dude is not funny. Not only that, but he reminds me of clown. An evil clown. An evil English clown. I know you said the JoBros forgave you for the purity rings jokes but, will they forgive you for being such a bad host?? (Hint: King Kevin is NOT amused)

Fashion. Real Talk: Weird. It was mostly Lady Gaga's adventures that tipped the scales toward WTF. Taylor Swift helped out with her sparkly window curtains. (Though she gets a Get Out of Jail Free card since she was terrorized by Krazy West) Miranda Cosgrove's disco ball dress also added to the fun. Ms. Beyoncè was really testing the cleavage boundaries, no? I wonder if her mom still helps her get dressed. And if she does, I'd like to know where she's getting the industrial strength booby tape that keeps those tatas down. Really though, I'm thoroughly amazed that she wasn't falling out of that "Single Ladies" outfit. Speaking of the devil...

Beyoncè. Real Talk: Oh B. I don't hate her. I think she's very talented; good dancer and singer. But, dunno, she just rubs me the wrong way. I remember when I first heard about the epic "Single Ladies" video I had to check it out. And when I did I was both scared and amazed. When I saw it again tonight, all those confusing feelings came rushing back. How is it possible that she's still in one piece? Those dance moves just make me think that one of her legs are gonna pop out of their socket. But, she's still in one piece, so I commend her. BUT...where was Shane???



Lady Gaga. Real Talk: Holy Mary Mercy Me (Copyright: MJ). This chick is out of her mind. She and Kanye make me wanna drink a steaming hot bowl of sanity. I still can't decide if Lady Gaga is just too artsy and cool for lame old me or if she's just trying too hard. I guess I'll have to get back to you on that.

VMAs 2009. Real talk: *sigh* I'm getting too old for this. I'm just gonna assume that the rest of it sucked as much as the beginning. The host was annoying, the performances were strange and Lady Gaga will give me nightmares tonight. But I'll say something nice: I was impressed by all the people singing live and not sounding like crap (Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Beyoncè, Lady Gaga, Janet). That was kinda nice. Otherwise, I think it'll have to be another 10 or so years before I can bring myself to watch this thing again.

ciao.

P.S. Oh! Also, Twilight "Saga" trailer was a treat. Looks LOL worthy so I'm excited for November. Also nice to see my girl-crush KStew. Yes, I'm smitten. ;)

P.P.S. MTV: Censoring - You're doing it wrong.

Update: Yeah...Kanye's a dickhead.

Keep reading...