Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Why I Love...

...Facial Hair.

Yep, beards, 5 o'clock shadows, mustaches, and sideburns. This post is an ode to the wonderful practice of facial styling.

I've always been a bit jealous of the male population because they can do so much with their faces. Sure, we girls get to play with make-up, and tweezers and all sorts of fun stuff (mmm….sarcasm), but I’d much rather grow something on my face and make it look good.

Guys get to have awesome handlebar mustaches, and mutton chop sideburns. (I think I just drooled myself to death.) We have to tweeze or wax or bleach any remnant of hair on our face. It’s a pain in the ass. Sometimes I wish I could just grow a beard and join ZZ Top. (Though the latter would require musical talent...)

You see, facial hair is the epitome of manliness. When a scrawny guy can’t grow a beard, he is still a child in the eyes of the world. Slap a beard on him and POOF! he’s a man. A 5 o’clock shadow is the sign of a labor worker coming home to his woman. The handlebar mustache is a sign of two different things: A) the distinguished individual in 1845, and B) the awesome individual of 2008. And sideburns...well sideburns are likes hands holding a mans face in a caressing gesture. And by that I mean sideburns are BAD ASS.

Moving on, the fact is that men have more fun than girls. They get to grow their facial hair and treat it like a topiary garden. The possibilities are nearly endless, as this fantastic man displays.

(sigh) Sounds terrible, and Freud would think I want a penis, but sometimes being a guy seems so appealing.

Guess I'll have to settle for dating guys with facial hair.




....Any takers?


Now playing:
Mr. T Experience - Fucked Up On Life
via FoxyTunes

No comments: