Monday, June 22, 2009


I've got enough beef to make a stew so, let's go:

Flo Rida: Usually I don't care what Flo Rida is up to but, since it's summer and I'm forced to listen to the radio (which apparently only has about 10 songs on it's daily rotation) I've been hearing a lot from him lately. And, to be quite frank, I don't like it. Dude's been sampling songs in a bad kinda way. Don't get me wrong...some people can do pretty fantastic things with a small sample of somebody's song. However, our good friend Flo Rida's recent singles do no such thing. His first single "Right Round" off of his second album, R.O.O.T.S., is centered around the classic Dead or Alive song "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)." And to be Frank once again (my alternate identity), he raped the butt. That poor song never had a chance. After Flo Rida got away with this terrible crime, he moved on to molest a cherished childhood favorite: Eiffel 65's "Blue (Da Ba Dee)." This one hit me in the gut. How dare he even dare to touch the "Blue"? Who does he think he is? It cannot be forgiven. I once idolized the man who brought us "Low"; I even aspired to own Apple Bottom jeans and boots with the fur so that I could be the shawty for him, but after he brutalized these two songs I can no longer give him that part of myself. I say, if you can't sample a song right, don't sample it at all.

Disney: I've always got issues with Disney. But my new beef with Disney is their annoying tendency to give every one of their "stars" a record contract - regardless of the whether or not they actually have any talent. The newest addition to Disney's list of acting/singing/dancing robot teens is Mitchell Musso. Good ol' Oliver Oaken. I haven't really heard any of his stuff. One of his music videos came on Disney channel a while ago and I was much too distracted by the odd piercing of his ears to register what his voice or the song sounded like. Either way, I'm sure it wasn't that great. I don't know why Disney (and Nick to some extent) insist on creating these triple-threat stars. You can't create talent, guys; nothing comes from nothing. In all seriousness, Disney needs to chill out with the SUPER KIDS! they're trying to create. It's because of them that I've been tortured with Baby V, Ashley Tisdale, Corbin Bleu (hot though) and Hilary Duff (gag). If the Sprouse twins are given a record deal then I guarantee I will be knocking at Disney's doors. I will have a machete in hand. Be forewarned.

Spencer and Heidi Pratt: I had the grand misfortune of seeing these real-life Two A-Holes on The View last week Monday. Supposedly these two have been in and out of the reality train wreck I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! The jungle couldn't handle the douche water spilling from their pores so it took the liberty of ejecting them every time they tried to return. If only the talk show circuit would take a page form the jungle's book and do the same. I was perfectly happy when I had no idea who Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag were. But my world has been rocked (in the worst way possible) by all the attention these two hags are getting. Although I've only seen them in action a couple of times, I've been able to surmise that these two are self-absorbed, self-righteous, overly-defensive morons who have done nothing at all to deserve all the attention they're getting (and loving). I wish the jungle would've gotten over itself and just swallowed them whole, but, hey, even the best of us can't suppress that gag reflex.

Well, that's all the beefing I can take for today. I'm gonna go make a grilled cheese sandwich.


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