Why I Love...

..."Look Around You"

Look around you. Look around you. Just look around you. Have you figured out what we're looking for? If you answered "10 minute shorts parodying 70s/80s British educational television" then you're right. If not, then sorry, you're dumb. (jk)
(not)

"Look Around You" is a great show for numerous little reasons. First of all, if you love Simon Pegg & Co. then you'll have fun getting glimpses of Nick Frost, Ed Wright and Simon himself. The show also features Peter Serafinowicz aka "Dwayne" from Spaced or "Pete" from Hot Fuzz.

Also if you love running jokes like unnecessary labels, pencils as pointers (even to point out pencils) and absurd portmanteaus then this is the show for you.

"Look Around You" is also very educational. Who knew that germs came from Germany? Or that there are secret, forbidden keys at the end of a piano? I didn't know these things. But I am now equipped with this valuable knowledge thanks to LAY.

It'd be kind of annoying to list all the little things that make "LAY" so grand so you'll either just have to believe me (I am the authority here) or you'll have to go look for yourself - which I HIGHLY suggest.

Ok...I have to admit, this is a lazy "Why I Love..." but I really do love the first series of LAY and I know you will too. So go on over to YouTube RIGHT NOW and watch it! I command you!

ciao.

P.S. - If that's not enough to convince you then hopefully this is. :)

Keep reading...

Pop Culture Justice: You SUCK at Parenting

Case Background:
Since the beginning of time, there have been parents and there have been stupid people. Most of the time, when these two worlds collide, (i.e. stupid people + offspring) we get Bad Parents.There are many different ways to define a Bad Parent, but for our purposes, a bad parent is any parent who clearly cares more about everything else (ex. money, fame, drugs, whores) more than the well-being of their children. The Worst Kind of Parent will neglect their children to the point of the offspring's near-demise and still think that the kid is A-OK! (Let's keep up with the math here: stupid people + delusions of the brain + offspring = Worst Kind of Parent) Most of the time these parents are called out for their bad behavior, but are rarely brought before the court of law. The American legal system is slacking and, because I'm such a good citizen, I'm picking up the slack. On the docket today are Michael Lohan and Joe Jackson. This should be fun!
Court is in session.


Case #1
Plaintiffs: Dina "Famewhore" and Lindsay "Leggings" Lohan
Defendant: Michael Lohan
Complaint: Fails majorly at being a dad by constantly airing Lindsay's druggie laundry for the world to smell.
Evidence: If you're a gossip blog frequenter like yours truly, you probably know by now that Michael Lohan keeps releasing private tapes revealing his daughter's personal problems. Some of them are phone calls between him and his ex-wife and some are messages I assume Lindsay left on his phone. I haven't listened to any of these tapes because I'm not really into reveling in the misery of others. (I'm only just a little into it)
Mr. Lohan claims to be releasing these tapes to the public to get Lindsay help for hr alleged drug problems. This is where Mr. Lohan receives a big fat F on his Parent Report Card. The last time I checked, these sort of PRIVATE matters are meant to be dealt with in PRIVACY between the members involved in a PRIVATE manner. Mr. Lohan is doing nothing but bringing upon himself the wrath (via incoherent Twitter rants) of his daughter and his ex-wife (via ET & TMZ, etc./ aka, her best friends)
Mr. Lohan displays his sucky parenting skills by making it quite clear that he doesn't really care if Lindsay gets better but is more concerned with keeping his irrelevant name in the news, especially now that him and Jon Gosselin are no longer torturing the world with their "friendship."
While it's entirely true that Lindsay is doing nothing to get better and is not really hiding her private woes very well (once again, via incoherent Twitter rants), her famewhore of a father has no right to tell everyone just how bad his daughter is. If he wants her to get help then maybe he can do this very innovative thing where you sit a person down, face-to-face, and you - wait for it - TALK TO THEM! Crazy, I know.

Verdict: Due to all the evidence put before me, I have no choice but to find the defendant GUILTY!
Sentence: I sentence Mr. Lohan to share a room with Heidi and Spencer in hell. He'll also have to massage the Devil's foot bunions for 12 hours a day while listening to his daughter's song, "Daughter to Father" on repeat.

Case #2
Plaintiffs: Blanket and his Minions (Oh, you know Blanket's got 'em in check)
Defendant: Joe "My son is worth more dead than alive" Jackson
Complaint: Continues to prove that it is possible to love money, being creepy and scaring children more than your own offspring.
Evidence: Holy Mary Mercy Me! Where to start? No need to go back any further then the recent death of his son, Michael Joesph Jackson. (Anyone else find that so ironic? I can't get over how ironic that is.) When Michael Jackson passed on, Mr. J. Jackson, went trapezing onto the red carpet at the BET awards and started rambling about his record label. Mind you, this was merely days after the death of one of his children; which is often cited as being one of the biggest emotional upheavals a parent can experience. We gave him the benefit of the doubt though. "People grieve in different ways," we replied. "Maybe he's still in shock," we said. "Maybe he's getting senile," we shrugged.
However, it has come to my attention that Joe Jackson is neither senile, shocked nor even grieving. Nope. Dude is just shameless. I almost admire it. Mr. Jackson just has no shame. He doesn't even try to fake like he's not happy he's getting some extra money from all this. If I were in his place, I'd at least try to squeeze out a tear or two for sympathy but no, not Joe Jackson, no siree.
It became increasingly clear that Mr. Jackson loves da sweet mula when he recently tried to get his grubby hands on his dead son's estate, even after MJ wrote HELL NO on his will where it said, "Money for your dad?". (In case you didn't know, that's how a will is formated. It's just a series of questions about who gets your money, your kids and your favorite PJs.) When asked about his grandfather's attempt to get his share of the estate, Blanket replied that he "Ain't having none of that shiznit." You go boy - take names and kick ass. I'm behind you all the way. I can't not get behind a kid who's hair is almost longer than he is tall.*

Verdict: ANYWHO (luscious hair is distracting), Joe Jackson is a sucky parent because, like his friend Mr. Lohan, he's really bad at pretending he likes his kids more than money and fame. Therefore, I find this dude GUILTY!
Sentence: Mr. Jackson will be responsible for the upkeep of his grandson, Blanket's luscious locs until he comes of age. When he's not brushing and conditioning hair, Mr. Jackson will get the Sisyphus treatment. Except, instead of a boulder, it will be a big ball of money. Then, when it gets to the bottom of the hill, it will break and all the money will be snatched up by poor, but very strong, orphans. Then, Mr. Jackson will have to wrestle each and every dollar from each and every poor (but very strong!), orphan and reassemble the dollars back into their ball form. He will then roll the ball back up the hill and that will go on forever and ever with "Speed Demon" on loop. Elaborate, I know.

Well, that'll show those two to mess with Judge K.I.A.

ciao, bellas.

*Because you care so much, I'm sure you will be happy to know that one of my fellow judge-people repeated MJ's HELL NO. Then he told Mr. Jackson to go home and read a book or something. I'd also throw some French toast eating in there because French toast cures ALL. TRUTH.

Keep reading...

Happy Birfday King Kevin!!1!1!!11!!!

ALL HAIL KING KEVIN!

Just in case you didn't know (because you were being useless and sucking at life) today is the 22nd year in which King Kevin has graced us with his earthly presence. So stop what you're doing RIGHT NOW and thank God that Kevin Jonas exists. Praise the Lord!

Happy Birthday Kevin Jonas :)

Love,
The Juicebox

P.S. - Bear with us; we're working on a crown more worthy of his greatness.

Keep reading...

Why I Love...

...Fall!
(WARNING: Nothing duck related inside)


I'm just trying to spice things up here on the Juicebox by talking about the weather! (Contradictory? I think not!) Fall is a great time of year. The best thing about fall is the temperature. Oh Boy! What's more fun then dressing for the 40 degree morning weather only to be sweating in your 40 degree weather outfit later when the temperature shoots up 75 degrees?! Nothing! Nothing is more fun than that!

Also great about fall is the lovely tendency of the trees to toss acorns down at your head. I have yet to be hit by one but I do love the rush of walking under a tree and wondering whether or not I'll be hit in the head by an acorn. Fun!

Going back to the temperature, one of my favorite parts about fall is the people who refuse to let go of summer. There's something heartwarming about watching you shiver in your tank top, flip flops and shorts when its 40 degrees out because you just can't let go. (Yes, I will be jealous of you come 70 degree time but for now, I'm laughing.)

In all seriousness though, fall is a really nice time of the year when the weather isn't being funky. The leaves turn pretty colors and the turkeys come out to play... Good times!


Also...
Happy Halloween! Have fun being drunken sluts!



Keep reading...

We the People of the United States...

...in order to form a more perfect union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the right to do whatever the hell it takes to get on Television.

Yeah...you probably didn't hear about this but they changed the preamble to the Constitution. Nice, huh?


Welcome to the United States where one of our favorite pastimes is forcing our children to hide in attics, releasing giant balloons, lying to the authorities about our children being caught in said balloon and then sending the authorities on a wild goose chase after said balloon in hopes of saving the non-existent child.

This "15 Minutes" syndrome is a strange sort of dilemma that seems to be enhanced by the advent of reality television. It used to be that people had to have some kind of talent to get on tv. You know: You can sing, or act or dance or tell funny jokes. If your talent didn't fall into these traditional A/V realms, maybe you'd find yourself in a human interest piece on your local news channel and you'd get your 15 minutes that way. But not these days. The talent pool seems to have expanded to include things that I wouldn't really consider talents.

For example, TLC seems to think it's a talent to have a lot of babies and then, *gasp* take care of them! What a novel idea!: Having children and then taking responsibility for their well-being! I guess the fascination with these large families come from the fact that the average American family these days only has about 2 children. It's interesting to see how they deal with their abundance of children. But, put this show on a couple decades ago and I don't know that it would be so intriguing. I can understand a short special here and there with updates and whatnot. But what about watching the Gosselins and Duggars every week do everyday things is so fascinating? Yes, they have 10 billion kids, but I'd be satisfied with looking at a picture, going "Wow, that's a lot of kids" and moving on.

Another fine example comes from MTV, who seems to think it's a talent to be rich and spoiled. I guess it could be considered fun to be a spoiled bitch but a talent? I think not. I'm not sure what the purpose of these shows are; shows like "My Super Sweet 16" and "Laguna Beach" and "The Hills." I like to think that MTV is being ironic with "My Super Sweet 16." I mean, I hope we're supposed to pity and not envy those kids. As for "Laguna Beach" and "The Hills"...I'm thinking it's MTV's lazy attempt at a teen drama. They just formulate some story lines and get some rich kids to ad lib for a bit. No having to pay writers! Or, they really expect us to be SO fascinated by the lives of the privileged. I guess some people like to agonize over the dilemmas of the oh-so-rich: "What will LC do? She must decide between buying the Gucci or Chanel bag! She can't buy both because no more rich people stuff will fit in her Mercedes! Find out what she does next week on The Hills!"

The thing about all these "reality stars" is they're famous for being people who are either a) willing to humiliate themselves for money or b) willing to have cameras invade their lives because one tiny aspect of it is abnormal. Unless lacking dignity is a talent then I don't see what makes these people worthy of all the attention they get. As for the "willing to have people invade their lives for something abnormal" stars, sometimes what's abnormal about their life isn't so abnormal at all. What's so abnormal about Brooke Hogan that we should follow her around all day? I guess being completely and utterly useless to society is kinda special but does it warrant a TV show? I'll let you decide. (Hint: NO)

So, I'm guessing "15 Minute" Syndrome kinda comes from a "If they can be famous, why can't I?" place. ( I mean seriously, if Kim Kardashian and Heidi Montag can be famous, why can't I?) If you have some sort of "talent" (ability to stay awake at your boring job, cooking Ramen noodles, etc) then you start to think you deserve some recognition for it because, hell, Paris Hilton got herself a TV show for just being stupid!

Then, I think it also comes from all the glamour and perks of being a celeb. You know...obnoxious people shoving cameras in your face, your "friends" selling you out to trashy magazines, strangers making fun of your cankles on gossip blogs...all that glamorous stuff. (Flossy, flossy) We love celebrities in America. We love telling them how beautiful they are and how much better they are then all us commoners. We pay them millions of dollars every year to make us feel fat, ugly and worthless. It's only natural that we'd get fed up being a commoner and want to be a celebrity.

So, if we can't sing or dance or act or tell funny jokes (or act like we're singing funny jokes while we dance) then we make something up or do something stupid in hopes that TLC or MTV or whatever will come knocking and begging to share in our shame for the entertainment of the American people.

Oh, America the BEAutiful.

ciao :)

P.S.: See what little Falcon Heene thinks about being a reality star. Take that, Papa Heene! (Or not since he doesn't seem to give a damn)
Keep reading...

Dear Geocities

Oh, Geocities. How I will miss you. You hosted all my angsty teenage poetry. And now, along with my adolescence, you die. You will be missed, even if i hadn't logged in for years. If only I had that poetry in my hands still. Thanks for all you have done and for keeping me busy when I was thirteen.

Love,
Señorita Brownie McTree
Keep reading...

This Post is Bigger After the Jump

Sorry; that was too easy I suppose. So, for you Doctor Who fans, here's a TARDIS iPod sock I made for my roommate's birthday. (October is le month of birthdays here in Ziggy's Magical Starship.

It's a basic sock, with the windows and suck embroidered on it. The end. Keep reading...