Random Suggestion of the Day

I honestly think Drake would sell more records, earn more street cred and get laid more often if he changed his stage name to Wheelchair Jimmy. The internet seems to think so and I agree.


I mean, I'm just saying.

Keep reading...

'American Idiot' on Broadway

It can't be on Broadway if it doesn't have rainbows and glitter, right?

I like to think of myself as an open-minded person, but I just don't understand this. I like the album (it's not the greatest ever made, or anything), but this? I just don't get it. Congratulations on winning Best Scenic Design for a Musical and Best Lighting Design for a Musical, and for getting a nomination for Best Musical, but I don't think I'll be off to watch it any time soon.

Keep reading...

Why Don't Networks Ever Know What's Good for Them?

Seriously, it's annoying.

OK, so ABC Family is the latest to screw the pooch. Now it may seem silly that I'm harping on the quality of this channel, simply for the fact that they aim for mindless teenage drama. Pretty much everything they touch is a big steaming pile that manages to garner a whole mess of viewers simply because 14-year-old girls haven't figured out what the meaning of good television is.

Then there was 10 Thing I Hate About You, the TV series. Great, another ABC Family crap pile ruining a great movie, I thought to myself. But nonetheless, I watched it because Lindsey Shaw is a smart girl and doesn't do crap jobs. I figured if she approves then I probably would too. And boy howdy did I!

10 Things was surprisingly clever and funny. The new plot -- The Stratfords moving from Ohio to California -- gave way for some character changes that worked, like Bianca's burning desire to be a popular cheerleader. And despite the same old premise, it was still new. I didn't hate Bianca despite her superficial ways, and I didn't hate her for wanting to be friends with Cameron instead acting as his match maker. Kat and Patrick's non-relationship was adorable and frustrating all at once, as well as funny. I even liked Joey, who was dumb and sweet in this version which worked so well. (My roommate adored him. I could keep going about the other characters but this blog is already getting lengthy. It can't hold my love for this show!)

It was even self aware, which is something I like in TV (See iCarly). Case in point the very very very making-me-keep-interest-in-dudes-hot Ethan Peck who takes on Heath Ledger's first iconic role. That man, who happens to be the grandson of Gregory Peck, has a deep voice and that bad boy face everyone wants in their line of sight at all times. As such, Dr. Stratford (a role Larry miller reprises from the original) describes Patrick as a "deep voiced man-boy." Pretty self aware, and a hilarious line to boot when delivered properly. It wasn't a high brow show, but it was still more clever and well written than anything else ABC Family has done to date. I was so proud of the network, even if they made that stupid movie starring Hilary Duff and that guy from Kyle XY.

And then they didn't renew it for a second season. They didn't even give enough warning to give it a proper ending. We have a cliffhanger of Kat and Patrick finally sleeping together and Larry Miller walking in on them. The last line of the series is "I'm not leaving." You can't leave us with that (quite funny, and ironic) last line and expect me to be OK with the fact that The Secret Life of the American Teenager was picked up for a THIRD season. How many teenage pregnancy scares can they have on that damn show? And don't even get me started on Pretty Little Liars. I refuse to even describe that piece-crap-to-be.

(Sorry, started to get really ranty, rather than mildly ranty.)

Back to the point, it's not even just that the show was canceled. The end of 10 Things marks another great show starring Shaw that get's canceled with a terrible ending. Is TV land out to ruin this actually enjoyable and funny actress' promising career? Not only that, Meghan Jette Martin, who plays Bianca, has had to go to the dark side. That's right, the blonde girl in the Camp Suck 2 video (which Ms. K.I.A wonderfully dissected for us) is the one and only Bianca.* You see what you're doing ABC Family? You're ruining careers AND my brain.

But alas, much like Conan (minus the drama) and Ned's DeClassified** there's just no justice for good shows with less than stellar ratings. The underrated shows always get the short end of the stick. It's a sad year for television. At least Community and Parenthood were renewed for a second season. Even NBC is getting better at this "being a good network" thing. ABC Family it's time to catch up. If you didn't catch the series while it was around, well I blame you for it's cancellation (Not really. OK only a little.) but don't fret. The series is on Hulu so watch and be sad you missed out.

And just so I don't leave you all on a sad note, here's a picture of Ethan Peck and Lindsey Shaw, one of the most attractive couples in a long while. That's one hot man/lady pair with glorious eyebrows. Micheal K would be proud.



*I'm not dumb, I know Disney owns ABC Family, so the transition isn't totally surprising but it still makes me sad. She could do better (not moneywise, but dignitywise).

**As far as I know it had good ratings, but it still didn't get a good ending. Keep reading...

Video Vomit: "Blessed Virgins Unite" Edition

I have two sickly videos for your enjoyment (read: ridicule) today. Hope you're ready!



"Can't be Tamed" by the Blessed Virgin Miley


Y'all know I couldn't go without commenting on my girl Miley's latest attempt to conquer the music world.


So, I'm not sure if we'll be seeing this one on the Disney channel. Miley thought her booty shorts and butt popping weren't enough to christen the new, sexy Miley so she took it a step further by ditching the pants completely and attaching feathers to her arms. Yes, I know, HOTT.


As I'm sure you expected, there was "controversy" over Miley's "sexy" new look. I don't know why though. This is pretty tame if you consider Britney and Christina's  foray into the world of sexy. All she's doing is giving herself some rub downs and pretending she's maybe about to kiss another girl. Miley's attempt is only decent. She needs to know that if there's no oil, midriff or heavy breathing then it ain't sexy. (Ass-less chaps help too.) But it's ok that Miley's getting it wrong because her attempts at "sexiness" just makes me uncomfortable. I wish she would've regarded Senorita McTree's advice and put her under-age boobies away because I really don't need to see that. (Oh yeah, and our Blessed Virgin Miley said "hell." *gasp* Miley's a regular BAMF, no?)


I'm gonna have to go ahead and admit the video isn't that bad. The "sexy" bird thing is...different. Not terrible just...different. But those CGI wings? Pretty cool. Also, Miley tries her hand at dancing again and it's...different. Thank god for editing, right?


As for the song? Well, let me make a quick confession. *sigh* Here it goes. "Party in the USA" is a guilty pleasure of mine. I know, I know. Please don't judge me. (This cover's pretty cool though) This song though? Eh, not so much. It's not as catchy (thank god). That won't stop it from getting stuck in my head but at least I won't like it.


Anyway, I told Miley a while ago to hold off on the sexy but she didn't listen to my advice. So, lets try this again: I know you're itching to get away from Disney but you need to hold on until your (18th) birthday this year! Then, buy yourself a big vat of baby oil, get yourself a tramp stamp, buy an ill-fitting sports bra and some booty shorts, and rent out an abandoned warehouse for a night of grinding, body rolls and writhing. Mickey will drop you like a hot potato and then you'll be forever free to slut it up.


If you're interested in even more Miley Vomit, you can check out the video from RadarOnline where she's giving Adam Shankman a 'lap dance.' [insert dramatic eye roll here] Puh-lease. Miley's just doing what we all did at 16 - grinding up on our gay, middle-aged friends. Prudes.
"It's On" by the cast of Camp Rock 2 


So, next up we have a music video from Disney's latest audio/visual abomination Camp Rock 2. What to tackle first?


Well, let's get this part out of the way: the song sucks.
Cool; moving on.


Ok, so the Jonas Brothers are back again. I've kinda been missing them (read: Kevin). In an ironic turn of events, Kevin steals the show by hardly being in the music video. This is the way you do things. It's true that Disney's cheap cameras can hardly handle the man that is Kevin Jonas but we know Kevin also demanded that his image not be tarnished by excessive association with the aforementioned A/V abomination. Mickey knew what was good for him and respected his wishes. As for Nick, what I love about this kid is his talent for looking 1) really bored no matter the circumstance, 2) constipated or 3) both. I know he tried to look like he was really into playing the drums but we all know that Nick Jonas is never excited about anything. Annnnnd, I refuse to comment on Joe Jonas.


In typical Disney fashion, Mickey has waved his magical wand and now our little break dancing wonder and former co-host of Mike's Super-Short Show, Alyson Stoner is also a singer. When did this happen?!? Oh, yes, I forgot I already answered my own question: magic. Also, in typical Disney fashion being a black dude = rapper and urban. Duh.


Now on to Demi. I think she's turning into a vampire. She's so pale the light is reflecting off her face at some points. (Major fail lighting guy!) I bet it's the Jonas kid's fault. Run, Demi! He's sucking the life out of you!*


As for the video itself - it's very anti-climatic. They're just in a big, black room with lots of lights. It's not interesting. If they were going for a dance battle couldn't we get some bright colours and cool dancing? No, because this is Disney and their recent mission is to suck as hard as humanly possible. Anywayssss, the beginning, though only a couple seconds long, is warning me against watching this movie. It's screaming: CAUTION: BAD ACTING AHEAD! Also, I'm no fashionista but aren't their clothes weird? Dunno...to me they are. It's like the wardrobe person brought in a box of random clothes 5 minutes before shooting and told everyone to grab something quick. And I'm also not a dancer but their dancing is weird to look at. It's not pleasing to my eyes. They're like popping and stuff and it's awkward. Where's Michael Peters when you need him?


Basically, I have nothing particularly nice to say about this music video. Sorry guys. Better luck next time? JK. Please, don't try it again. Two is actually two times too many.


In other news, I will totally be watching this mess.


...cheers!


P.S. - Welcome to our tags, The Disney Machine. We've been expecting you.
P.P.S. - I just noticed that Brit Brit is wearing her underwear on the outside of her pants in the "Slave 4 U" music video. Weird...
P.P.P.S. - Michael Peter's is in heaven when you need him - in case you were wondering. (RIP)
*So the romance of the century has already ended. That was fast.  Keep reading...

King Kevin Does It Again

And by "it" I mean teaches us why he's King, you sickos.* (Also remember when he used to straighten his hair? How unfortunate.)

Apparently, the moment King Kevin realized he wanted to be a musician was when he was at an MxPx show, at least that's what Dying Scene is reporting, and dammit if that doesn't warm the heart. The boy has good taste in music. Maybe that's why the others never let him play a big part in the music making/performing process. His good taste clashes with their poopy taste. Yes, poopy taste.

It's OK King Kevin. We all know your intentions and inspirations are great.

*Besides, they sleep in separate rooms anyway.

Keep reading...

Why I Love...

The Golden Girls!
The only sucky thing about being in the UK right now is that Hulu discriminates against the Brits so I can't watch SNL. As a result, I've missed the recent culmination of Bettymania: Betty White co-hosting SNL. But it's ok. I'll just wait. Anyway, we're not here to laud Betty White alone. This month I'm expressing my undying love for The Golden Girls.


One of my favourite ways to unwind after a long summer day of doing absolutely nothing is to watch a couple episodes of The Golden Girls. The GGs are great for a couple reasons.


First of all: BEA ARTHUR (God rest her) as resident Deadpan Snarker, Dorothy Zbornak. Dorothy's always got some great reply to the numerous stupid things that Rose says. She also makes references to 80s pop culture that I don't get but I laugh anyway because I'm kinda dumb like that. Or! It's just that funny. (Let's go with the latter) As you know, I have much love for shameless sluts (See: Mia from Degrassi) so you know I have nothing but respect for Blanche, The Golden Girls' fancy, Southern, slutty flower. Even though Dorothy and Blanche are my favourites, I still have love for Rose and Sophia because both are pretty damn funny.


Another reason I love The Golden Girls is because it's bascially a bunch of old people talking about sex. I don't know about you but personally I get pretty bored of listening to young people talk about sex. It's not as classy, ya know? Old people FTW.


Besides that, The Golden Girls is one of the many great sitcoms of the mid-80s/early-90s. I think the sitcom has been dying a slow, painful death since the mid-90s and watching shows like The Golden Girls and comparing it to some stuff made post-1995 should show the difference between a good sitcom and the shittiness they call situation comedies these days. As with any good sitcom, The Golden Girls tackled some pretty big deal 80s issues while staying on point with the humour and not making you feel like you were watching a primetime after-school special.


Nothing's greater than watching a bunch of older ladies navigate their loves lives while stuffing their faces with cheesecake. I don't watch Sex and the City but I'm just gonna assume that The Golden Girls did it first and did it better. Alright, I'm off to stuff my face with cheesecake! I'll leave you with this fantastic scene:



:)
ciao!
P.S. - Oh yeah - the theme song!! Can't believe I almost forgot...
Keep reading...

Dear Loving Celebrity the Retrospective Director Edition

Dear Steve Barron,

You've directed many of our favorite visual stuff. The list includes Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the movie, Coneheads, and a whole mess of our favorite 80's videos, such as the video for Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me with Science" and the a-ha video for "Take on Me." We really appreciate this. One thing though...

Apparently you did not want any dancing in the video you directed for Michael Jackson. This video was "Billie Jean." You almost screwed the pooch with that mindset. Be glad MJ convinced you to let him dance for 30 seconds because you are now eternally related to the video of the song that brought us the Moonwalk. Just saying.

Love,

The Juicebox

Keep reading...