Why I Love...

...The Original "We Are the World"

Ok, so I don't love "We Are the World". I've honestly never really been a fan of the song. But I do like it much better than "We Are the World 25". The song is a tad bit corny but you can't completely hate it because 1) it's for Mother Africa and 2) it's so damn catchy. Oh and 3) in the video MJ is rockin' this jacket: 



That's a nice jacket. I want that jacket.* Anyway, the original trumps the new one on many levels. Let's take a look. TO THE LIST MAKING MACHINE! [Insert old school Batman transition here]

1. Musicians v. "Musicians"
The original "We Are the World" is most well-known for it's superstar cast. It was written by music superhero Micheal Jackson alongside fellow Motown legend, Lionel Richie and produced by the-one-and-only Quincy Jones. Throw all the other humongous names in there and you've got the highest quality ingredients for a charity single hit. One of the problems with the new one is that most of the performers don't matter. Everyone's gonna remember the name Diana Ross for years to come. But who's gonna remember Nicole Schrzinger? (You don't know who that is, do you?) Or Justin Beaver? Or Joe Jonas? Nobody, that's who.

Also, this might just be because I'm out of the loop, but I didn't recognize half of the people there. Who were those people? If they're gonna make a charity single they better put in some of the few people I know like The Gaga and Queen B. (As long as they don't sing "Video Phone" *shudder*)

Lastly, Lil' Wayne? Really??? Not only was it an insult to actual singers who could've had that line but it was also an insult to Bob Dylan who I hear is like, really famous or something.

2. "Leave your ego at the door"
It's said that 25 years ago Quincy Jones told everyone to drop their egos off with a babysitter for the night but I guess ego babysitting is an 80s phenomenon because people seem to have brought theirs along this time.

Ok, so there's actually no evidence of egoism here. From what I hear, Barbra Streisand was the only one who threw a diva fit. But there's something over-processed about WATW 25. Maybe it's because I'm more aware of the beast that is celebrity and how it is usually skips hand-in-hand with huge egos these days. Everyone just seems so glammed up and shiny. Which is what I would've expected from the 80s WATW considering most of those people were just coming from the AMAs. But nope, everyone seemed rather cozy in their WATW sweatshirts. No, "I'm ready for my close-up" hair and make-up.

3. We're so concerned
Man, the beginning with J. Hud and what's-her-face from the Pussycat Dolls (that Nicole chick you don't know) is so full of "look how concerned I am" face that I almost fainted from the overload. I don't disagree that the situation in Haiti is a grave one so people probably shouldn't be having tickle-fights and dancing on tables. But, everyone in WATW 25 seems so aware of what they're doing and it kinda ruins it. I guess, with the legacy of the original hanging over your head it's hard to not know the sort of impact that you could be making. So, I'll give them that. But there's a whole different vibe coming from WATW #1. Everyone seems to be having a good time and there's a real sense of hope as opposed to the morbidity and "This is serious, guys" attitude of WATW 25.

WATW looks like a bunch of people just recording a charity single while WATW 25 looks like a bunch of people recoding a charity single for a music video.

4. Not enough adorableness
Where are the cute people in WATW 25??? WATW had Paul Simon looking adorable with his bad haircut. It had Cyndi Lauper looking adorable with her multi-colored hair and baby face. It had Willie Nelson looking adorable in a "I'm kinda confused" way.

In fact, it's missing a lot of things: big hair (Diana Ross), shoulder pads (LaToya Jackson), mullets (Steve Perry), blind piano players (Stevie and Sir Ray Charles) and Kenny Rogers. At least they kept The Jacket. Good job, guys.


Verdict: Well, there's not much of a verdict; I already said I liked the first one better. Allow me to demonstrate through music math: Tina Turner + Bruce Springsteen + Billy Joel + Diana Ross (- The Supremes) x Ray Charles = Awesome Overload while Miley Cyrus + Justin Beaver** + The Jonas Brothers (- King Kevin) x Lil' Wayne = Kinda Alarming

All in all, I guess the final "verdict" is that WATW 25 lacks the musical prowess and charm of the original. Everything's too glossy and glamorous visually while sonically (whoa!) it sounds disjointed, esp. with the rap bit. I honestly think they should've just hired R. Kelly to churn out one of his famous choir-backed anthems and just left WATW alone. But, it was for charity so I can't hate too much. I'll just be in this corner quietly sipping my haterade.

ciao, muchachos 

*So, I did some research and that jacket (along with the gloves on the cover of the Bad album) are being housed at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Annex in NYC. I'm thinking we get a group together and go steal it? Let me know! 
**I wish his name really was Justin Beaver because then he'd be a real Canadian.

"Why isn't it ever over when she says, 'ciao!'" you ask. I don't know, I really don't.