Why I Love....

...Beef Stew (2010 Wrap-up Edition)!
(whoa! Two features merge to become one!)


The year is coming to an end and I haven't had Beef Stew in quite a while. I need my protein so let's grub.


Ya know, 2010 has been a fairly decent year. But, as usual, more things annoyed me rather than giving me that warm, fuzzy, loving feeling. So while I'd love to end the year on a purely positive note, it's just more fun this way...wouldn't you agree? Here are couple people & things that I had major beef with this year...and loved it:
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Miley Cyrus
When Miley was first stretching her sexy bone back in 2009, it was pretty amusing. But 2010 came around and Miley decided short-shorts and push-up bras were not enough. All year we've been forced to look at her underage crotch and boobies while listening to her really crappy music. (Actually, thanks to those songs sucking that hard, we haven't had to hear them too much. For once the pop world gets it right and shuns the right songs. Current record: 2/1,000,000,000,000)


The thing with Miley is, try as she might, she is not and will never be sexy. And yet, no one's clued her in. As a result, we innocents continue to be tortured. I mean, it's pretty damn obvious what she's trying to do. Hannah Montana is finally being put out of it's misery and Miley, not content to just fade into oblivion and leave us all alone, is trying hard to prolong her "career" by transforming herself into an "adult" performer. (No, not that kind. Ugh, please...it's too early for vomit.)


What she's really doing is pissing off the parents off all the little girls that made her money and grossing the rest of us out. Oh yeah, and annoying all of us with that terribly grating voice of hers. Sorry, Miley, but all the cool, older people you're trying so hard to impress with your cooch thought you were lame before and there's not much you can do to change that. No, not even smoking salvia and getting "high."


For all these reasons you've been dethroned as my idol. Yes, it's all very sad.


Lady Gaga
I think I've mentioned a couple times before on the Juicebox that I had yet to come to a decision on the Gaga. I wasn't sure - was Lady Gaga a real, genius artist who was just too cool and avant garde for lame, old me? Or was she just a fancy famewhore who had managed to trick the masses into thinking she was a real, genius artist? Well, I've decided: Lady Gaga is just a fancy famewhore who's managed to trick the masses into thinking she's a real, genius artist.


Now, let's get this part out of the way: I don't not think that Gaga is talented. She is a good singer and she does churn out (annoyingly) catchy pop tunes. Oh yes, and as her fans love to mention, she can play the piano. *eye roll*


But a genius? A visionary? The world's most creative fashionista? PUH-LEASE! Wearing funny costumes, making catchy pop tunes and playing the piano a genius does not make. Why do you think she wears those outrageous costumes EVERYDAY, EVERYWHERE she goes? Because Gaga wants attention and wants very badly for you to not forget she exists and how WACKY, OUTRAGEOUS and AVANT GARDE she is. I mean why else would you wear these boots? (HAHAHAHA! @ her falling down)


As for the piano playing part...lots of people can play the piano and sing at the same time; it's not that difficult. And it really doesn't make her special or super-duper talented. And anyone can sing the stuff she sings about. None of it is particularly deep or meaningful. Examples:
-Telephone: Please stop calling me; I'm dancing with my friends at the club.
-Paparazzi: I'm so obsessed with you, it's like when paparazzi follows a star.
-Just Dance: Just dance.


Anyway, 2010 was the year of annoying Gaga. She tried her hand at politics, wore more stupid clothes (meat dress), made long, ridiculous videos (you're not MJ) and tried to be a fashion professor (WTF?!). Gaga 2010 wouldn't have been so bad if people would just acknowledge that she's nothing more than a overhyped pop star. And it would have been beautiful if she had just disappeared but...that's not gonna happen anytime soon, is it? *sadface*


Lindsay Lohan
UGH. This chick. How many chances does one crackhead get? And how delusional can one bitch be? *cough*DinaLohan*cough*


As almost everyone has said before, any of us normal folks would have found our asses in jail after going on a coked-up joy ride with captives in the backseat of our stolen cars. Or violating our probation. Or failing multiple drug tests. Lindsay, however, just gets herself a bit of probation. And after she violates that, she just gets a bit more. And even when her judges sprout some balls and send her to jail, she only spends a couple seconds in there.


I mean, I guess I understand...Lindsay Lohan is a prolific actress with unending amounts of talent and she must stay out of jail in order to do research for all the roles that are being offered to her. Ok, so, yeah, I guess I understand now...


._.


Famous mistresses
Anyone can be a useless whore...you're not that special. Please go away.
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Ahhh, yes, I love me some beef and those were the juiciest steaks this year had to offer. Happy End of 2010 guys! Let's hope there's more good beef in 2011.


ciao!

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BEEF STEW (yum)

I've got enough beef to make a stew so, let's go:

Flo Rida: Usually I don't care what Flo Rida is up to but, since it's summer and I'm forced to listen to the radio (which apparently only has about 10 songs on it's daily rotation) I've been hearing a lot from him lately. And, to be quite frank, I don't like it. Dude's been sampling songs in a bad kinda way. Don't get me wrong...some people can do pretty fantastic things with a small sample of somebody's song. However, our good friend Flo Rida's recent singles do no such thing. His first single "Right Round" off of his second album, R.O.O.T.S., is centered around the classic Dead or Alive song "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)." And to be Frank once again (my alternate identity), he raped it...in the butt. That poor song never had a chance. After Flo Rida got away with this terrible crime, he moved on to molest a cherished childhood favorite: Eiffel 65's "Blue (Da Ba Dee)." This one hit me in the gut. How dare he even dare to touch the "Blue"? Who does he think he is? It cannot be forgiven. I once idolized the man who brought us "Low"; I even aspired to own Apple Bottom jeans and boots with the fur so that I could be the shawty for him, but after he brutalized these two songs I can no longer give him that part of myself. I say, if you can't sample a song right, don't sample it at all.

Disney: I've always got issues with Disney. But my new beef with Disney is their annoying tendency to give every one of their "stars" a record contract - regardless of the whether or not they actually have any talent. The newest addition to Disney's list of acting/singing/dancing robot teens is Mitchell Musso. Good ol' Oliver Oaken. I haven't really heard any of his stuff. One of his music videos came on Disney channel a while ago and I was much too distracted by the odd piercing of his ears to register what his voice or the song sounded like. Either way, I'm sure it wasn't that great. I don't know why Disney (and Nick to some extent) insist on creating these triple-threat stars. You can't create talent, guys; nothing comes from nothing. In all seriousness, Disney needs to chill out with the SUPER KIDS! they're trying to create. It's because of them that I've been tortured with Baby V, Ashley Tisdale, Corbin Bleu (hot though) and Hilary Duff (gag). If the Sprouse twins are given a record deal then I guarantee I will be knocking at Disney's doors. I will have a machete in hand. Be forewarned.

Spencer and Heidi Pratt: I had the grand misfortune of seeing these real-life Two A-Holes on The View last week Monday. Supposedly these two have been in and out of the reality train wreck I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! The jungle couldn't handle the douche water spilling from their pores so it took the liberty of ejecting them every time they tried to return. If only the talk show circuit would take a page form the jungle's book and do the same. I was perfectly happy when I had no idea who Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag were. But my world has been rocked (in the worst way possible) by all the attention these two hags are getting. Although I've only seen them in action a couple of times, I've been able to surmise that these two are self-absorbed, self-righteous, overly-defensive morons who have done nothing at all to deserve all the attention they're getting (and loving). I wish the jungle would've gotten over itself and just swallowed them whole, but, hey, even the best of us can't suppress that gag reflex.

Well, that's all the beefing I can take for today. I'm gonna go make a grilled cheese sandwich.

ciao

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