Why Don't Networks Ever Know What's Good for Them?

Seriously, it's annoying.

OK, so ABC Family is the latest to screw the pooch. Now it may seem silly that I'm harping on the quality of this channel, simply for the fact that they aim for mindless teenage drama. Pretty much everything they touch is a big steaming pile that manages to garner a whole mess of viewers simply because 14-year-old girls haven't figured out what the meaning of good television is.

Then there was 10 Thing I Hate About You, the TV series. Great, another ABC Family crap pile ruining a great movie, I thought to myself. But nonetheless, I watched it because Lindsey Shaw is a smart girl and doesn't do crap jobs. I figured if she approves then I probably would too. And boy howdy did I!

10 Things was surprisingly clever and funny. The new plot -- The Stratfords moving from Ohio to California -- gave way for some character changes that worked, like Bianca's burning desire to be a popular cheerleader. And despite the same old premise, it was still new. I didn't hate Bianca despite her superficial ways, and I didn't hate her for wanting to be friends with Cameron instead acting as his match maker. Kat and Patrick's non-relationship was adorable and frustrating all at once, as well as funny. I even liked Joey, who was dumb and sweet in this version which worked so well. (My roommate adored him. I could keep going about the other characters but this blog is already getting lengthy. It can't hold my love for this show!)

It was even self aware, which is something I like in TV (See iCarly). Case in point the very very very making-me-keep-interest-in-dudes-hot Ethan Peck who takes on Heath Ledger's first iconic role. That man, who happens to be the grandson of Gregory Peck, has a deep voice and that bad boy face everyone wants in their line of sight at all times. As such, Dr. Stratford (a role Larry miller reprises from the original) describes Patrick as a "deep voiced man-boy." Pretty self aware, and a hilarious line to boot when delivered properly. It wasn't a high brow show, but it was still more clever and well written than anything else ABC Family has done to date. I was so proud of the network, even if they made that stupid movie starring Hilary Duff and that guy from Kyle XY.

And then they didn't renew it for a second season. They didn't even give enough warning to give it a proper ending. We have a cliffhanger of Kat and Patrick finally sleeping together and Larry Miller walking in on them. The last line of the series is "I'm not leaving." You can't leave us with that (quite funny, and ironic) last line and expect me to be OK with the fact that The Secret Life of the American Teenager was picked up for a THIRD season. How many teenage pregnancy scares can they have on that damn show? And don't even get me started on Pretty Little Liars. I refuse to even describe that piece-crap-to-be.

(Sorry, started to get really ranty, rather than mildly ranty.)

Back to the point, it's not even just that the show was canceled. The end of 10 Things marks another great show starring Shaw that get's canceled with a terrible ending. Is TV land out to ruin this actually enjoyable and funny actress' promising career? Not only that, Meghan Jette Martin, who plays Bianca, has had to go to the dark side. That's right, the blonde girl in the Camp Suck 2 video (which Ms. K.I.A wonderfully dissected for us) is the one and only Bianca.* You see what you're doing ABC Family? You're ruining careers AND my brain.

But alas, much like Conan (minus the drama) and Ned's DeClassified** there's just no justice for good shows with less than stellar ratings. The underrated shows always get the short end of the stick. It's a sad year for television. At least Community and Parenthood were renewed for a second season. Even NBC is getting better at this "being a good network" thing. ABC Family it's time to catch up. If you didn't catch the series while it was around, well I blame you for it's cancellation (Not really. OK only a little.) but don't fret. The series is on Hulu so watch and be sad you missed out.

And just so I don't leave you all on a sad note, here's a picture of Ethan Peck and Lindsey Shaw, one of the most attractive couples in a long while. That's one hot man/lady pair with glorious eyebrows. Micheal K would be proud.



*I'm not dumb, I know Disney owns ABC Family, so the transition isn't totally surprising but it still makes me sad. She could do better (not moneywise, but dignitywise).

**As far as I know it had good ratings, but it still didn't get a good ending. Keep reading...

Oh, Coco...

...how they screw you so. Mmm...

Ya know, I am so emotionally invested in this Conan vs. Jay vs. NBC drama that it's kind of embarrassing. Like, I've been getting really worked up when the issue comes up and was so desperate to find out what was coming next. Well, it seems like Part 1 of the drama is now over. Before I comment, allow me to recap:

Five or so years ago Jay Leno announces he's gonna leave the Tonight Show and that Conan O'Brien is his appointed heir. Some suggest Jay's hand was forced, others suggest it is of his own accord. Who knows. (Or cares.) (Wait - I do!) So, Jay's retirement date is fast approaching but he's getting antsy. He doesn't really want to retire...he was just joking! But it's kinda late now.

So, the way I understand it (which could very well be wrong; I can't be bothered with "research") Jay seems to be hinting that he's not really retiring and will just move on elsewhere to do more late night stuffs. Now, NBC's wallets get nervous. Jay's been bringing in the big numbers (i.e. beating Dave Letterman) and they don't want him to Jaywalk ;) to some other network. So NBC, and their wallets, invite Jay to his own prime time spot at 10. Then, Jay says bye and Conan and Jimmy move into their respective late night spots. Not too long after, Jay moves back in to the neighborhood.

But there are issues: (ONE) Jay's numbers suck and he's making it hard for his neighbors, NBC's local news affiliates. I mean geez, you really gotta know you're bad off when you're scaring people away from watching the news. (TWO) Conan's not bringing in the amount of viewers that Jay was and *gasp* Letterman's beating him some (most?) nights. (THREE) Minor issue but, Jay pushed Law and Order: SVU out of it's regular spot and it's only part of their decline in viewers. So, to shorten the rest of this story: Jay's primetime experiment is canceled; he's offered Conana's 11:30 late night spot for a half hour show; NBC says, "Move down a couple houses, Conan;" Conan says, "Pssh, yeah right" and then we get to where we are now, asking "BUT WHAT ABOUT JIMMY???"

JK.

What we're all asking is, "Who the hell is in charge at NBC and how the hell did he get there??" (It's Jeff Zucker, btw, and I don't know how he got there. Go look it up!) The issues that have gotten me most about this whole thing are how there seems to a blatant disregard for promises and contracts and some sort of strange (and possibly misguided) attachment to Jay Leno.

I'm not even gonna get into the debate of who's funnier; I haven't watched either of them long enough to make a proper assessment and I'll laugh at pretty much anything so...yeah. Anyway, what I've taken offense to is NBC's royal screw over of Conan. They just seemed to have it in for him and don't seem to have any confidence in the guy. Yes, it's true that Conan wasn't bringing in the numbers that Jay was when he stepped down but, how could he? Word on the block is that Jay wasn't so hot his first couple years in late night. Not to mention, Conan himself struggled to gain an audience when he first took over Late Night and they didn't chuck him to the wolves then. Think about this Jeff Zuck & Co: Conan moved to an earlier spot losing some of that audience AND he lost some of Jay's devoted audience. I'd think he need more than 8 months to reestablish himself. NBC should get their historians on the books so they remember how this whole thing usually plays out.

Also, I thought a promise was a promise. Not just a promise, a legal contract at that. The Tonight Show shouldn't have been promised to Conan if Jay wasn't ready to retire. Though I expect this becomes a more complicated issue if it so happens that Jay was bullied into retirement. However, if that was the case, I'd imagine Jay would want to take his shtick elsewhere instead of sticking around with a network that was pushing him out of the door. Conan has made it apparent that hosting the Tonight Show was not only a dream of his but also an honor. The fact that it was promised to him and then so hastily snatched away doesn't quite sit right with me.

Another thing (no, this post will never end) is that, it seems to me, that NBC is just wasting a lot of money. Is it really cheaper to buy Conan out of his contract (and risk having to pay the difference for a possibly smaller future pay check) then to risk Jay Leno getting higher ratings on another channel? This is a genuine question though because me and my cynical mind have a feeling this is mostly about money. I mean, these are executives - American executives. I doubt that their main motivation isn't collecting large amounts of sweet, sweet moolah.

Lastly, what's NBC's obsession with Jay Leno? Does Jay have some incriminating photos of the execs? Do they owe him something? Is Jay Leno the epitome of late night hosts and they're really afraid of losing his neverending talent to some other network? I want to know what's so friggin' special about Jay Leno. Please, someone enlighten me.

I could go on and on. Well, just about how Jay Leno keeps trying so hard to play the victimized good-guy but, I'll leave it here for now; I think you get the point. I don't really feel bad for Conan; he's walking away with 30some million dollars so, I think he'll be alright. But I do feel for him. It sucks when you don't even get a year to prove you can do your job. I also admire how he's carried himself through this whole thing: his admirable letter, his concern for poor ol' Jimmy, his concern for his crew's well-being and his general love & respect for the Tonight Show. It'll be interesting to see how everything turns out and where everyone ends up in a year.

*shrug* We'll see.

ciao.

P.S. - Oh yeah, BUT WHAT ABOUT CARSON????? Keep reading...

Real Talk: MTV Video Music Awards 2009

Ok, so I'm a wimp. I couldn't even watch the whole thing. I'm sorry! But I can only take so much. Anywho, Keep Reading...to share my pain.

Madge. Real Talk: I didn't think old people had time for the VMAs. *shrug* But her words were heartfelt and sweet. It was a very nice start to the show. Too bad it just went downhill from there. But, she's quite awesome in her own right so it was cool to hear her talk. (Also, can we lay off the Botox? I don't know why people equate old with ugly. Madge was hot stuff back in the day. If she'd aged naturally she would look really good.)

MJ Tribute/Janet. Real Talk: Not bad. I'm starting to tire of the MJ tributing now. (Thank GOD that Jermaine's little shindig has been postponed). However, this was quite nice. I always forget about Janet - I was never really into Ms. Jackson (if you're nasty) - but she did her thing. Her big bro would be proud.

KANYE "KRAZY" WEST. Real Talk: Dude had Facebook BUZZIN'. He's outta control. How dare he diss Taylor Swift like that?! Take it back Kanye, take it back! Seriously though: Was that a "HAHA" throwback to that little stunt he threw at the Grammy's (??) a couple years ago? Cuz if he was joking it wasn't funny. If he wasn't joking then, in the words of my brother, he's a dickhead.

Russell Brand. Real Talk: He sucks. Revoke his Visa. The dude is not funny. Not only that, but he reminds me of clown. An evil clown. An evil English clown. I know you said the JoBros forgave you for the purity rings jokes but, will they forgive you for being such a bad host?? (Hint: King Kevin is NOT amused)

Fashion. Real Talk: Weird. It was mostly Lady Gaga's adventures that tipped the scales toward WTF. Taylor Swift helped out with her sparkly window curtains. (Though she gets a Get Out of Jail Free card since she was terrorized by Krazy West) Miranda Cosgrove's disco ball dress also added to the fun. Ms. Beyoncè was really testing the cleavage boundaries, no? I wonder if her mom still helps her get dressed. And if she does, I'd like to know where she's getting the industrial strength booby tape that keeps those tatas down. Really though, I'm thoroughly amazed that she wasn't falling out of that "Single Ladies" outfit. Speaking of the devil...

Beyoncè. Real Talk: Oh B. I don't hate her. I think she's very talented; good dancer and singer. But, dunno, she just rubs me the wrong way. I remember when I first heard about the epic "Single Ladies" video I had to check it out. And when I did I was both scared and amazed. When I saw it again tonight, all those confusing feelings came rushing back. How is it possible that she's still in one piece? Those dance moves just make me think that one of her legs are gonna pop out of their socket. But, she's still in one piece, so I commend her. BUT...where was Shane???



Lady Gaga. Real Talk: Holy Mary Mercy Me (Copyright: MJ). This chick is out of her mind. She and Kanye make me wanna drink a steaming hot bowl of sanity. I still can't decide if Lady Gaga is just too artsy and cool for lame old me or if she's just trying too hard. I guess I'll have to get back to you on that.

VMAs 2009. Real talk: *sigh* I'm getting too old for this. I'm just gonna assume that the rest of it sucked as much as the beginning. The host was annoying, the performances were strange and Lady Gaga will give me nightmares tonight. But I'll say something nice: I was impressed by all the people singing live and not sounding like crap (Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Beyoncè, Lady Gaga, Janet). That was kinda nice. Otherwise, I think it'll have to be another 10 or so years before I can bring myself to watch this thing again.

ciao.

P.S. Oh! Also, Twilight "Saga" trailer was a treat. Looks LOL worthy so I'm excited for November. Also nice to see my girl-crush KStew. Yes, I'm smitten. ;)

P.P.S. MTV: Censoring - You're doing it wrong.

Update: Yeah...Kanye's a dickhead.

Keep reading...

I swear I still LURV U!

Hey der. So i've been gone. And I've changed my name. Sorry. It's because I have a respectable career as a junior scientist (no joke, that's what they called us. I guess it's true but still sounds funny) at Harvard Forest. Hence the name change. Actually the name was my marketing genius pal's work, so I can't take the credit for it. Anyway, if you want to know what I'm up to this summer and like dirt and foresty things you can read this. If you want to know about my newest crochet adventure, well stay here but it'll be a while (working's hard!), and if you want more artistic stuff read this, and if you want more of the marketing pal read this. If you want bad poetry, check out Doug's blog. If you're still reading this THANKS FOR BEING OUR #1/ONLY READER!

Told you I still lurv u.

Lator.

Keep reading...

Some Knit Goodies (And Baddies)

So, I went on a whole birthday present knitfest. It was awesome. I went through a few different things. I found a cute cupcake pattern for crocheting, which I haven't quite mastered (or really learned at all). So obviously I tried to make my own pattern. It needs some work:

Pretty much looks like a poop penis with herpes and jizz all over it. (Quite appropriate considering the previous Penis Slide post.) I'll work on the pattern. Hopefully I'll get it right at some point because this will definitely be a cute last minute gift option.

The next is Godzilla from the Knitted Icons book. This is for my one year old nephew. He likes Elmo at the moment, so I need to make him a man! Which equals GIANT JAPANESE LIZARD!

Well, as much as I like the one I made, it doesn't quite look like the one in the book. It's the first time I've used the book's patterns, and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. The assembly for the legs and arms seem to not have been included which made my life a little difficult. We'll see how the other patterns work out for me. And who knows, maybe there'll be a future book review. Hmm...

Lastly, I made this bird from a pattern from the Knitted Toy Box. It is the cutest thing of my life. This is what I ended up sending to my friends for their birthdays. Definitely my last minute gift option for a while now.

I made a brown one too, but I guess I forgot to take a picture. The brown one had a smaller and cuter beak than this one, so it would've been nice to have two to compare. The purple one here was about to get packaged and sent out. I liked the nest of candy.*

Anywho, that's it for now. I need to get a mustache chart done so I can post it. It's necessary I sure you.

Lator.

*Don't ever buy candy at Sugar Heaven. They rape you with the prices. Just buy a lot at CVS candy and eat the leftovers.

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Now playing: Aquabats - Fashion Zombies!
via FoxyTunes

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