Real Talk: MTV Video Music Awards 2009

Ok, so I'm a wimp. I couldn't even watch the whole thing. I'm sorry! But I can only take so much. Anywho, Keep Reading...to share my pain.

Madge. Real Talk: I didn't think old people had time for the VMAs. *shrug* But her words were heartfelt and sweet. It was a very nice start to the show. Too bad it just went downhill from there. But, she's quite awesome in her own right so it was cool to hear her talk. (Also, can we lay off the Botox? I don't know why people equate old with ugly. Madge was hot stuff back in the day. If she'd aged naturally she would look really good.)

MJ Tribute/Janet. Real Talk: Not bad. I'm starting to tire of the MJ tributing now. (Thank GOD that Jermaine's little shindig has been postponed). However, this was quite nice. I always forget about Janet - I was never really into Ms. Jackson (if you're nasty) - but she did her thing. Her big bro would be proud.

KANYE "KRAZY" WEST. Real Talk: Dude had Facebook BUZZIN'. He's outta control. How dare he diss Taylor Swift like that?! Take it back Kanye, take it back! Seriously though: Was that a "HAHA" throwback to that little stunt he threw at the Grammy's (??) a couple years ago? Cuz if he was joking it wasn't funny. If he wasn't joking then, in the words of my brother, he's a dickhead.

Russell Brand. Real Talk: He sucks. Revoke his Visa. The dude is not funny. Not only that, but he reminds me of clown. An evil clown. An evil English clown. I know you said the JoBros forgave you for the purity rings jokes but, will they forgive you for being such a bad host?? (Hint: King Kevin is NOT amused)

Fashion. Real Talk: Weird. It was mostly Lady Gaga's adventures that tipped the scales toward WTF. Taylor Swift helped out with her sparkly window curtains. (Though she gets a Get Out of Jail Free card since she was terrorized by Krazy West) Miranda Cosgrove's disco ball dress also added to the fun. Ms. Beyoncè was really testing the cleavage boundaries, no? I wonder if her mom still helps her get dressed. And if she does, I'd like to know where she's getting the industrial strength booby tape that keeps those tatas down. Really though, I'm thoroughly amazed that she wasn't falling out of that "Single Ladies" outfit. Speaking of the devil...

Beyoncè. Real Talk: Oh B. I don't hate her. I think she's very talented; good dancer and singer. But, dunno, she just rubs me the wrong way. I remember when I first heard about the epic "Single Ladies" video I had to check it out. And when I did I was both scared and amazed. When I saw it again tonight, all those confusing feelings came rushing back. How is it possible that she's still in one piece? Those dance moves just make me think that one of her legs are gonna pop out of their socket. But, she's still in one piece, so I commend her. BUT...where was Shane???



Lady Gaga. Real Talk: Holy Mary Mercy Me (Copyright: MJ). This chick is out of her mind. She and Kanye make me wanna drink a steaming hot bowl of sanity. I still can't decide if Lady Gaga is just too artsy and cool for lame old me or if she's just trying too hard. I guess I'll have to get back to you on that.

VMAs 2009. Real talk: *sigh* I'm getting too old for this. I'm just gonna assume that the rest of it sucked as much as the beginning. The host was annoying, the performances were strange and Lady Gaga will give me nightmares tonight. But I'll say something nice: I was impressed by all the people singing live and not sounding like crap (Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Beyoncè, Lady Gaga, Janet). That was kinda nice. Otherwise, I think it'll have to be another 10 or so years before I can bring myself to watch this thing again.

ciao.

P.S. Oh! Also, Twilight "Saga" trailer was a treat. Looks LOL worthy so I'm excited for November. Also nice to see my girl-crush KStew. Yes, I'm smitten. ;)

P.P.S. MTV: Censoring - You're doing it wrong.

Update: Yeah...Kanye's a dickhead.

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Real Talk: The MTV Movie Awards

Well, I better talk about this waste of an hour and a half before it becomes old news. Sigh. lol. 

Andy Samberg. Real Talk: He was an alright host. I can't say that I've ever tortured myself with the MTV Movie Awards before so I can't compare him to other hosts. He wasn't really there that much so there isn't really much to say about him. He was as adorable and charming as usual so I didn't mind him at all. Also, his rap at the beginning was pretty awesome. Gotta love the guy. 

Hair. Real Talk: The most interesting part of the show. I know you're supposed to pay attention to people's outfits when they come to these things but, eh, who really cares? I was more into the tresses. Ok, so first off was Ashley Tisdale's new brown hair. I thought it looked yucky - sorta like poop. The sad part? That's her natural hair color. Hmmm...Then there was ZEfron's hair. Ugh. Someone give that kid a haircut and please, wash it while you're at it. I don't know why he thinks it looks good to look like you've dunked your head in chicken fat. It's not attractive.  Lastly was Zachary Quinto's hair. If I were a white guy, I would do my hair like Zac Q. It was adorable and only added to his overall hotness. It makes me sad that Heroes sucks so bad that I won't even watch it to catch a glimpse of Zac Q's attractiveness. 

RPattz & KStew. Real Talk: I am now officially in love with these two. Yes, I know I've already expressed my love for RPattz, but I now need to add KStew to that list. I loved how exasperated RPattz seemed to be by the numerous awards that he was winning. Each time he got up to accept an award he either had an "Oh great," "Here we go again" or, "Good God!" look on his face. KStew also shared this sentiment. But I didn't just love KStew for her shared disgust at the awards.  I loved that she had to take a couple puffs of the good stuff for to be able to sit through the snooze fest. Ha. Keep smoking that green KStew! It makes you much more interesting. 

Megan Fox. Real Talk: Blech. Was it just me or was she giving major bitchface? Only RPattz and KStew are allowed to give bitchface at the MTV Movie Awards. Ms. Fox doesn't run the risk of being attacked by Twihards so she can just take her mean mug face elsewhere. Like, to hell. 

Eminem. Real Talk: By now we all know that the Bruno/Eminem incident was staged but that doesn't stop it from being HIlarious. As for his performance, I've never really been a fan so I can't comment too much on his music except to say, geez, he's really behind on the times. All his pop culture references are old as hell. Get with the times, my friend. And what's up with his super skinniness? It makes his ears look really big. (I wish I had a good Dumbo joke to stick in here...)

Blessed Virgin Miley. Real Talk: This chick is letting me down! Did you see her dancing to that un-Godly Eminem music? She is NOT doing a good job maintaining her Blessed Virgin status. Occasional shout-outs to God won't save your doomed soul Miley! You better watch yourself. 

D.Rad. Real Talk: He's awesome. 'Nuff said.

Overall evaluation?  Real Talk: It sucked. It was too long and too boring. That being said, I wasn't too disappointed because I didn't expect much. It was cool seeing the fake and real New Moon trailers (I'm looking forward to choking on more egg rolls come this November.) And the medley of Lonely Island songs was very entertaining. However, those two events weren't enought to save it. All in all, it was a waste of time. Why they're still making these things, I don't know. But, if I get to see a stoned KStew drop another golden popcorn, I think I might sit through another one. Might. 

P.S. - Did you know that Selena Gomez was dating Taylor Lautner (aka Jacob from Twilight)? Supposedly they broke up. Ugh. Why, again, do I care about these things?

2009 MTV Movie Award logo property of MTV/Viacom

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Real Talk: This Blog is Slackin

So. I honestly don't have enough cohesive thoughts to make a post focusing on one topic so all just sum up this past month for you. Let's go!

Sonny with a Chance. Real talk: It sucked. So I only watched the first episode and I think I only laughed once. It just wasn't funny. At least my idol's show makes me giggle a little. I mean, Demi's adorable but her obnoxious smile did nothing to save that snore fest. According to the tweenies on IMDb, the second episode is better. Because I have better things to do (not really) I'll have to wait to see whether not this is true.

The Grammys. Real talk: I didn't watch. But, Kanye's weird mohawk thing? Not cute. And M.I.A. torturing her unborn baby? Not cool. Me missing the JoBros and Stevie Wonder? Just not right.

The Oscars. Real talk: Twilight and HSM 3? Really? The Oscars have been loosing credibility in my book for a while now and they almost completely lost me by including Twilight and HSM 3 in their little 2008 romantic movies marathon. Like, for reals? First of all, Twilight should've been included in the comedy montage. And HSM 3? I don't even know. Then...then! they made things even worse by having Zac Efron and Baby V "singing" on stage. AND! they had the audacity to bring Beyonce out there. Really? Beyonce? Really?

It's Not Me, It's You [Lily Allen]. Real talk: I love it. Now, I'm no music critic so I'm not even gonna try to critique it. I find it fun to listen to and I like the retro sound she was going for. Besides "The Fear" I have to say some of my faves are "Everybody's At It" and "I Could Say." But all of them are good.

Heroes, Vol. 3. Real talk: I just don't know. Heroes has been sucking really hard for a while. Season 2 was a mistake and the first half of season 3 didn't do much to redeem it. The second half (Vol. 3) is really iffy for me. I'm kinda behind right now and, of course, I can't give a proper assessment until the whole volume is done. See, the thing is that while it's going back to some of the things that made it good, it's keeping some of the stuff that make it suck (Just drop the future painting already!). Who knows? We'll see.

Real talk: I have a paper to start.

ciao.


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