Why TeenNick Sucks

Let's start with the fact that it's called "TeenNick."
Psshh.

Reason #1: Lack of original programming
When The-N* finally dumped her little sister "Noggin" and went 24 hours, I was quite proud of her. Now she could stretch her wings by commissioning even more guilty-pleasure, teen drama for us (me) to indulge in. But then, The-N did a very strange thing. Instead of bringing on more original programming, it initiated some kind of weird, ritualistic killing of the little original programming it had. South of Nowhere? Taken out back and shot. Beyond the Break? Died in a very suspicious knife fight. Instant Star? Drowned in a bathtub. The Best Years? Somehow landed itself in a coma. It was later revived only to be smothered to death by a fancy pillow. I'd like to point the finger at Degrassi; seeing as she's always the last one standing; it wouldn't surprise me that she was behind all this. But it's more likely some really stupid higher-ups. (I kinda like my Degrassi conspiracy theory though...)


For as long as I have watched The-N/TeenNick it has, admittedly, never had that much original programming. Some have come and gone in the blink of an eye (About a Girl and Whistler** come to mind). That's usually because they sucked. But the original programming they had that stuck around (the ones I listed above and another favorite Radio Free Roscoe) was actually pretty good. And when they weren't really that good, they still had enough charm and drama to uphold them. The-N really shot itself in the foot when they got rid of all those shows. It made no sense: Why get rid of all the original programming when you finally get to be a full-time channel? For reasons I will spell out below, it really makes the channel 1)unoriginal and 2)very monotone. Why would I tune into The-N/TeenNick when I can watch half their programs on Nick, and the other half on MTV, FX, ABC Family and the CW? Seriously, the only show I can watch on The-N that I can't find anywhere else is that shitty show, Gigantic, that I've never seen and am judging solely on the basis that it seems like a really shitty show.


Anyway, what I'm saying is that TeenNick sucks because they don't give anyone a reason to watch their channel EXCEPT for their golden child Degrassi: The Next Generation. Which brings me to...


Reason #2: Degrassi overload
Holy hell. When I go home I can't watch TeenNick because if they're not showing Degrassi then they're showing commercials about Degrassi. Every other month TeenNick has a "EVERY DEGRASSI EPISODE EVER!!!" marathon. TeenNick is so far up Degrassi's ass it hasn't seen the sun in years. I like Degrassi and I like liking Degrassi but, hot damn, watching TeenNick too much would make me hate Degrassi. A lot.

Man, TeenNick is like that one mother that has all those children but has a clear favorite. So she neglects all her other children in favor of her oh-so-precious child when what she really needs to do is LET GO.

Now, I'm not saying that TeenNick needs to cancel Degrassi. I mean, where else will I get my necessary fix of ridiculous? No, what it needs to do is calm down with the Degrassi. Its Degrassi marathons are so pathetic and it makes it really obvious that it's the only original programming they have to promote. (Besides the aforementioned shitty Gigantic which I suspect is on its way out.)


Reason #3: Nick overlap/ sucky Nick overlap
One of my biggest beefs with TeenNick is the fact that half of their programming can already be seen on Nickelodeon. I like iCarly but not enough to want to watch two episodes at once on two different channels.

But it's not just the overlap - they also pick most of Nick's worst shows. I mean, honestly, Nick only has, like, 2 good shows so they don't have a plethora of good stuff to choose from. But that's all the more reason for more original programming! No one wants to watch Zoey 101 or Victorious or Tru Jackson VP or Big Time Rush all day. Actually, I'd take Zoey 101 over those other 3; at least it's mildly amusing.

TeenNick, these crappy show are bringing you down! Why don't you stop copying Nick and become your own beautiful butterfly? Right now you're just Nick+Degrassi(-SpongeBob) and that's really no good.


Reason #4: stupid syndication options
Not only is TeenNick borrowing heavily from the crappy bin at the Nick store, it's also borrowing from the annoying bin at the Syndication store. Come on Nick, playing Fresh Prince of Bel Air, What I Like About You and That 70s Show doesn't make you a teen/young adult channel. It makes you Nick at Nite...during the day. Not to mention I can watch all those shows on ten other channels. (Actually...I already mentioned that.)

I want mindless drama, NOT billions o' sitcoms. You have all those Nick sitcoms already! How many GD sitcoms do you need?!? Degrassi is your only (decent) drama and that's nowhere near being enough. If you're so desperate to show old stuff, why not show old teen dramas? What about 90210? Or Melrose Place? Why not bring back My So Called Life, for god's sake? I know there's only one season's worth of episodes to show but, I believe in you TeenNick - you can draw it out and hype it up like no other channel I know.

You can even bring back the epic shit pile (and ultimate guilty pleasure) that is Summerland. Hell, I'd watch it everyday, just for you, TeenNick. (And to see young Zac E's lovely gap.) Just chill out with the 90s sitcoms, ok?
Geez.
---

You're not fooling anyone TeenNick. You being called TeenNick doesn't hide the fact that you're now targeted at the little tweentards. But look here TeenNick, this tween shit doesn't vibe with me, alright? Tweens are stupid and they like stupid things. Also they're annoying. So they definitely do not deserve to hog a whole channel to themselves. So stop being stupid TeenNick execs and STEP YOUR GAME UP.


Got it?

...No??? Well, I tried...


ciao .___.


*Yes, "The-N." That's what they used to call it waaaaaaaay back in 2009
**I never watched that show. I just know the commercials always had lots of snow in it. I had to look up the name.
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Top 5 Best Worst Degrassi Couples

Welcome, my friends, to the final Degrassi Top 5. For the time being, of course, because really, I could do these all day. Hm...that's a thought...
Anyway, on to the best worst couples on Degrassi. These are the couples that are either so bad or so meh that I can do nothing but smile, laugh or shake my head in amused shame. Usually all three. Each couple is the best worst in their own special way so I'm sure you'll enjoy this one. Alright kiddos, let's do this.

5. Trick (Terri and Rick)

     I don't know if Trick is the proper way to refer to the Terri and Rick pairing but, I'm under the impression that no one cared enough to give them a name. I think it fits though because Rick tricked Terri into thinking he was a sane person. HAHAHAHA....

._.

     Anyways, Terri and Rick weren't really that fascinating. But they were good because they brought us a new Degrassi "Issue of the Week" in a pretty decent fashion. The relationship development was a little fast (this was when Degrassi writers still pretended they knew the meaning of "development") but they made up for it by bringing Rick back to try and kill Terri with a boulder. And to give birth to Wheelchair Jimmy. So yay! Degrassi writers for a well-used and well-crafted recurring character.
     Trick was also good because it gave Hazel something to do (I think?). Hazel only had something to do when it came to being Paige's "yes" lady, kissing on Jimmy or telling people they've been abused. Well, there was the one time Hazel pretended to be Jamaican but, who cares? We've already established no one cares about Hazel. Trick also gave Terri something to do. Before Rick, she was just the fat chick whose mom died (Geez. She told that damn "My mom died" story all the time. Ok, Terri! We get it - your mom died). Like Hazel, the writers figured the only way to make Terri interesting was to put her in a relationship. At least they got it right with Terri and brought the drama.

     On the other side, Terri + Rick were bad for one obvious reason: beating on your girlfriend ain't nice. It's also not nice to be a psycho control freak and bash said girlfriend's head open with rocks. Ok, he didn't bash her with a rock, per se. But he put her in a coma, for God's sake! Not cute. Terri and Rick were also bad for other less obvious reasons: the chick that played Terri was a less-than-stellar actress and her beau, the dude that played Rick, was annoying to look at. I would have preferred if Rick was hot-creepy instead of plain, old creepy. 

     Even though their acting was sub-par and their "love" was kinda gross, Trick was a chance for the Degrassi writers to show the big girls some love...Even if that love consisted of sticking her with a psycho weirdo, putting her in a coma, then booting her off of the Degrassi island.

Close your legs, Terri. That's not very lady-like.

Wait. Damn. That's harsh. Even Hazel got a better send-off then that.

4. Jashley 2.0 (Jimmy and Ashley)

     Ah, Jashley. Jashley was our first taste of a Degrassi power couple until Spaige came along and showed us how it was really done. Anyway, Jashley 2.0 is the Season 5 finale resurrection of the once-dead relationship. (I'm ignoring their brief resurrection in Season 2)

     Jashley was golden for one main reason: the mega-bitch that is Ashley Kerwin made her triumphant return. All hail Ashley!  I think that Paige and Emma duke it out, in the minds of the fans that is, for the title of Degrassi's Original Bitch (correct me if I'm wrong). I have to give the crown to Ashley though because I think she deserves it. She initially showed us this during her original stint on Degrassi in it's first four seasons. She was being nice for a while when she returned and I was kinda sad. But then! Then, the real Ashley returned for that one Season 6 episode where Ashley deletes Jimmy's rap off their demo track because she is jealous of Wheelchair Jimmy's supa fly, hip-hop flow

._.

     So, the only reason Jashley wins is because it brought back bitchy Ashley who was the only character, besides Paige, of course, who was brave enough to embrace the bitchiness, caress the bitchiness and love the bitchiness.
     Also, if you've ever wanted to see Ashley in her bra and panties, then this is the relationship for you. Oh! And if you wanted to see Jimmy's boner you'd like Jashley 2.0. I mean, we saw Spinner's so, why not?

*mwah* There! Now we both still have a reason to be on the show.

         But, overall, Jashley is a major fail. This was Degrassi just throwing people together AS USUAL. First, Jimmy gets his heart broken by Ellie (HAHAHAHAHAHA!). (I love Jimmy but relationship-wise he always gets the short stick. Having a crush on Ellie? I think the wheel chair straps were squeezing his legs to tight and cutting off blood to his brain.) Then Ashley, fresh off of a plane from London, is all, "I love you, Jimmy!" It was so weird and so incredibly random that no one genuinely questioned it because we weren't sure what we had just seen. Us: "Wait. Did Ashley just kiss Jimmy? When was the last time they even talked? Huhhhh? Oh well." Basically Jashley 2.0 is the first indication that Degrassi writers were about to give up. (Spoiler alert: they give up somewhere around the middle of Season 7).

"Uhh...why did you just do that?"

   I really think the writers just felt bad for leading us (and Jimmy) on with the whole fake-me-out Ellie romance so they just stuck him with someone familiar. A convenient someone who had yet to graduate because she was too busy being bitchy in London: "I'm not American. I'm Canadian, dumb ass!...HOCKEY!"

3. Patt (Paige and Matt, aka. Mr. O)

Watch the horn, dude.

     Another made up 'ship name from yours truly. As you can tell by their being on this list, I'm not too wild about Paige and Mr. O. However, one of the winning points of this pairing though is the funness (that's a word) of a secret, elicit, romance. Besides Craig screwing Manny on the side, this was the first secret, Degrassi relationship. It was fun watching Paige and Mr. O try to avoid anyone finding out they were making out in closets and eating lemon squares in the park. Also, Patt gave us two of Degrassi's finer moments: 1) The Manny and Paige GIRL FIGHT. (Although it was pretty lame compared to Emma and Alex's throwdown) and 2) "You're dumping me? And giving me drugs?" So delightfully bad and soo very LOL-worthy.

      On the bad side, Mr. O was kinda gross. I'm guessing he was half-rhino or half-unicorn because, for some odd reason, he was sprouting a horn of some sort right in the middle of his forehead. He never completely transformed and of this I am deeply saddened because I was always hoping Mr. O would transform into a pretty unicorn and gallop away with Marco on his back into the Land of Fantastical Rainbows. Ok, I never really hoped for this. But now, thinking back on it, it would've been a much more fitting send off for them, right?
     More bad: Paige and Mr.O's epically lame break-up. (See the above "dumping and giving me drugs" quote.) I mean, it didn't make any sense. "Yeah, sorry Paige. I'm gonna go be a teacher in the Yukon. But here, have some weed to remember me by. See ya later!" I know they were just trying to get him outta the way so they could pave the way for Palex but, come on now, there are much better ways to do it.

"Man...I wish Marco was here."

2. Jiberty (JT and Liberty)

JT makes out with a bowl of oatmeal

     I just can't get into the Liberty and JT pairing mostly because I thought they were kinda...nasty. Why "nasty"? Well, because of Liberty, of course. As any Degrassi fan knows, Liberty crushed on JT since forever. But it was always annoying, never cute. You got the impression that you would never see the two of them together because Liberty was constantly butthurt over something while JT was the resident joker and free-spirit. Not a good combo in my book. So it was weird when the writers suddenly decided JT should return those feelings. I mean, I don't hate Liberty as much as some people do; she was much more bearable in her last couple of seasons. But her and JT? No, I didn't buy it.(I also didn't buy that JT would pick Liberty over smokin' hot, meatball sub, Mia. But then Pia came along and I'm now sure, more then ever, that JT was smarter than he looked.)

     But it wasn't just Liberty. Their "chemistry" was kind of nasty too. It was just gross watching them make out with each other and be all lovey dovey. Not as gross as the nightmarish Liberty and Toby kiss we were forced to endure (*shudder*) but almost just as bad. Their dialogue always came off as extra corny (JT started talking very strangely when he got with Liberty). I never really bought that JT would all of sudden be into Liberty as much as I could buy her still pinning after him for all those years. There was just nothing sexy about their tragic, young love and I like my tragic love sexy, dammit!

Oh lordy...

     Despite all that, we did get our second pregnancy thanks to Jiberty. Before Degrassi writers got bored and just started re-writing their characters and storylines (we all know Clare, Alli, Connor and KC were a lame attempt to recreate the Fantastic Foursome/sometimes Fivesome of Emma, Manny, JT, Toby and Sean), they seemed to actually be able to recreate some themes without it seeming super redundant. Liberty's pregnancy was completely different from Manny's. First of all, she wasn't a piece on the side. Secondly, she decided to give the baby up for adoption. Thirdly, JT played a much bigger baby-daddy role then Craig did and brought drama of his own to the drama party. And lastly, Liberty's pregnancy was completely unexpected. Liberty was supposed to be Ms. Responsible so it was interesting seeing what she went through. Anyways, I say kudos to Degrassi for a job well decently done.


1. Parcy (Peter and Darcy)

Manny struggles to hold back the puke as she witnesses "true love"

PARCY!!!!!!!!!!

     Aw man, words cannot begin to describe my love for the pairing of Peter and Darcy. They were Degrassi's own Romeo + Juliet. The most epic of Degrassi couples since the beginning of Degrassi time. The height of all Degrassi love, sacrifice and heartfelt sorrow. The master Degrassi combo of creeper-ness and fantastical weaves. Parcy: the very best worst Degrassi couple ever.
     As you might have gathered, I'm very fond of Parcy. They epitomize what a Degrassi best worst couple should be. While you shake your head at their lame, contrived drama, the annoying antics they get up to and their extremely bad dialogue, you continue to giggle in sheer delight every time they grace the screen and you think to yourself, "Gee, I hope this never ends!" Unfortunately, it always does. :'(
     So what's so bad about Parcy? Well, every thing that's good.

Secret lovers caught in their passionate tryst.

   Darcy was further proof that Degrassi girls are dumb as rocks. After Peter lies to her constantly and almost gets her raped by a Kevin Smith look-a-like, Darcy decides she's madly in love with Mr. Stone and that their destined for eternal love. Only at Degrassi. Then the DRAMA commenced. I could be good here and look up why it is that Peter and Darcy decided they just couldn't be together in public, but I'm too lazy. Also, I suspect it was some strange delusion of theirs that made them think that way anyway. But, off the top of my head, I think it had something to do with Peter being in trouble with his mommmy and not being allowed to kiss on girls.After they solved that non-dilemma, Peter and Darcy were left to prance through Degrassi halls whining at each other and being stupid.
     Kinda like Pia, the worst part of the Darcy + Peter equation was the annoying chick involved: Darcy. Miss high and mighty. (And somehow Spirit Squad captain even though Manny had been there much longer.) Darcy was one of the most annoying Degrassi characters ever and even though she sorta mellowed out when she was with Pete, she still made me want to punch her in the weave. Wait, no, not the weave; I love her Raggedy Anne weave. Don't get me wrong though, Darcy was one of those classic "love to hate her" characters for me so I was a bit sad when she left. But only a bit!
     On a (rare) serious note, one good thing about Parcy was how they factored in to Darcy's rape storyline - one of the saving grace's of season 7, IMO. Peter did a good job being the supportive boyfriend so, for most of season 7, you forgot that Parcy was a dumb couple and actually rooted for them to make things work.
     The best part of Parcy, though, was how incredibly contrived they were and the humour that ensued from such a fact. I already mentioned the stupid way they got together. But also stupid was the fact that the two of them had absolutely nothing in common. It wasn't even like Liberty and JT who had been (sorta) friends for a while or Sean and Emma who just worked because they just did. I mean, the dude almost set a sexual predator on her and she forgets after a couple of weeks. Once they got together though, Degrassi really took it to another level with their lame and hilarious dialogue. Feast your eyes on these gems (exclamations added for increased dramatic effect):

~Darcy: "Peter...you are my prince!"


~Peter: They're sending me away! I've got nothing to lose except you! 
   Darcy: Peter - you got me!"


~Darcy: Your mom can't keep us apart, Peter! I believe that love conquers all!"

     I mean, these are really bad but, they're exactly why I love Parcy. We have delusional writers thinking their fans are dumb enough to fall for the intense, whirlwind "romance" between two delusional characters and that combination creates some of the best of the worst Degrassi coupledom ever.
Ah, young, delusional love.

*****


P.S. - Question: I'm curious. Who do you think is Degrassi's Original Bitch?
P.P.S. - I'm gonna take a break from Degrassi Top 5s for now but there will be more in the future. :)

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY JUICEBOX!

 *sniff* 

They grow up so fast.

Most pictures are actually mine! Aren't you proud of me? "Parcy" pictures courtesy of Boycott the Caf and the Degrassi website. No copyright infringement intended. 
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Why I Love...

...Avatar: The Last Airbender!

Even though the ratio of decent:crappy tv on Nick is dangerously close to Disney's, Nickelodeon has it's few advantages that tip them over the edge. I've already discussed one earlier (iCarly) and now it's time to give some love to another one - Avatar: The Last Airbender. With kids' television in the shitter, it's shows like Avatar that give me hope for the young ones today.

First, what I love about Avatar is that it's not another kids' show about singing/dancing little morons who want to be famous. In fact, the Avatar world is pretty awesome. For those of you who don't know, in the Avatar universe, some people (called "benders") have the ability to manipulate the elements (fire, earth, air & water). The Avatar, who is supposed to keep the peace between the four nations, is the only one capable of bending all four elements. Avatar tells the story of a young airbender, avatar Aang, and his mission to master fire, earth and water so he can defeat the evil firelord. At its most basic, it's a pretty standard hero/villain storyline but, the bending & avatar lore mixed in with real Asian cultural influences makes for a very compelling story. (Plus, bending the elements? You know that's cool - don't lie.)

Another great part of Avatar are the characters; especially Aang. Aang has to be one of the most optimistic Chosen Ones I've ever seen. It doesn't take long for him to stop lamenting the fact that he's the Avatar and take full responsibility for his Avatar duties. He's no Buffy or Harry; constantly whining about how tough it is to be Chosen and how sad it is they aren't normal. (Whiny bitches...) Aang's a kid that still likes to have fun and that attitude makes the show a lot more accessible (and a lot less depressing than it has the potential to be). Plus he's freakin' adorable! Also great are Sokka and our favorite little scarred baddie, Zuko (Rufio! Rufio!).*

One of the best elements of the show, though, is the amount of effort the creators put into researching various cultures (mostly Asian) and incorporating them in the show. In fact, I learned something interesting from Avatar. The way they choose the Avatar in the show is based off of the selection of the Dalai Lama. Like the Dalai Lama, the avatar is a reincarnation. They choose the Avatar (and the Dalai Lama) by giving various toys to a group of children. Whichever child chooses the same toys that Avatar has chosen in a past life determines his or her status as the Avatar (Dalai Lama).

Avatar draws from various other Asian traditions, including Buddhism, Hinduism and general Japanese and Chinese culture. There are even elements of Inuit culture in Sokka and Katara's water tribe. Also (I'm almost done nerding out here), the bending styles and weapons used in the show are based on varying styles of martial arts. I find it really admirable that the show's creators and team would put so much effort into a "kids' show."

However, what's most cool about Avatar has to be the ample amounts of kid-friendly, badassery. First, our resident BAMF Aang who is, for sure, a master of airbending. Going hand-in-hand with his epic airbending skills are his BAMF tats. Yes, 12 year old (technically 112 but, whatevs) Aang has got himself some nice arrow tattoos that get all glowy when he goes into ultimate-BAMF mode, aka The Avatar State. Also, there's Katara, who, once she masters it, goes hard with the waterbending. Then there's Sokka who, although he's lacking in the bending department, can definitely hold his own. Also laden with BAMF tendencies is Toph, the little blind earthbending prodigy who'll give you a boulder to the head if you look at her wrong. Wait...

Anyway, the bad guys are pretty cool too (Zuko, Azula, Uncle Iroh, etc) but I've used BAMF enough so I'm just gonna move on.**

As for the movie, well, I haven't seen it yet but I heard M. Night took a big poo-poo on it so I think I'll just away from that one for a bit. At least we have some great source material to fall back on. For what could've been a lame anime knock-off, Avatar's done a great job creating interesting storylines and epically cool characters. Probably the greatest part about it is that you don't have to be embarrassed to enjoy it if you happen to be over the age of 12.

Not that I would be embarrassed because, I mean, I have no shame. *shrug*

ciao!

*I LOVE DANTE BASCO.

**Almost forgot the ultimate bad ass: APPA.

THE END.

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Why Don't Networks Ever Know What's Good for Them?

Seriously, it's annoying.

OK, so ABC Family is the latest to screw the pooch. Now it may seem silly that I'm harping on the quality of this channel, simply for the fact that they aim for mindless teenage drama. Pretty much everything they touch is a big steaming pile that manages to garner a whole mess of viewers simply because 14-year-old girls haven't figured out what the meaning of good television is.

Then there was 10 Thing I Hate About You, the TV series. Great, another ABC Family crap pile ruining a great movie, I thought to myself. But nonetheless, I watched it because Lindsey Shaw is a smart girl and doesn't do crap jobs. I figured if she approves then I probably would too. And boy howdy did I!

10 Things was surprisingly clever and funny. The new plot -- The Stratfords moving from Ohio to California -- gave way for some character changes that worked, like Bianca's burning desire to be a popular cheerleader. And despite the same old premise, it was still new. I didn't hate Bianca despite her superficial ways, and I didn't hate her for wanting to be friends with Cameron instead acting as his match maker. Kat and Patrick's non-relationship was adorable and frustrating all at once, as well as funny. I even liked Joey, who was dumb and sweet in this version which worked so well. (My roommate adored him. I could keep going about the other characters but this blog is already getting lengthy. It can't hold my love for this show!)

It was even self aware, which is something I like in TV (See iCarly). Case in point the very very very making-me-keep-interest-in-dudes-hot Ethan Peck who takes on Heath Ledger's first iconic role. That man, who happens to be the grandson of Gregory Peck, has a deep voice and that bad boy face everyone wants in their line of sight at all times. As such, Dr. Stratford (a role Larry miller reprises from the original) describes Patrick as a "deep voiced man-boy." Pretty self aware, and a hilarious line to boot when delivered properly. It wasn't a high brow show, but it was still more clever and well written than anything else ABC Family has done to date. I was so proud of the network, even if they made that stupid movie starring Hilary Duff and that guy from Kyle XY.

And then they didn't renew it for a second season. They didn't even give enough warning to give it a proper ending. We have a cliffhanger of Kat and Patrick finally sleeping together and Larry Miller walking in on them. The last line of the series is "I'm not leaving." You can't leave us with that (quite funny, and ironic) last line and expect me to be OK with the fact that The Secret Life of the American Teenager was picked up for a THIRD season. How many teenage pregnancy scares can they have on that damn show? And don't even get me started on Pretty Little Liars. I refuse to even describe that piece-crap-to-be.

(Sorry, started to get really ranty, rather than mildly ranty.)

Back to the point, it's not even just that the show was canceled. The end of 10 Things marks another great show starring Shaw that get's canceled with a terrible ending. Is TV land out to ruin this actually enjoyable and funny actress' promising career? Not only that, Meghan Jette Martin, who plays Bianca, has had to go to the dark side. That's right, the blonde girl in the Camp Suck 2 video (which Ms. K.I.A wonderfully dissected for us) is the one and only Bianca.* You see what you're doing ABC Family? You're ruining careers AND my brain.

But alas, much like Conan (minus the drama) and Ned's DeClassified** there's just no justice for good shows with less than stellar ratings. The underrated shows always get the short end of the stick. It's a sad year for television. At least Community and Parenthood were renewed for a second season. Even NBC is getting better at this "being a good network" thing. ABC Family it's time to catch up. If you didn't catch the series while it was around, well I blame you for it's cancellation (Not really. OK only a little.) but don't fret. The series is on Hulu so watch and be sad you missed out.

And just so I don't leave you all on a sad note, here's a picture of Ethan Peck and Lindsey Shaw, one of the most attractive couples in a long while. That's one hot man/lady pair with glorious eyebrows. Micheal K would be proud.



*I'm not dumb, I know Disney owns ABC Family, so the transition isn't totally surprising but it still makes me sad. She could do better (not moneywise, but dignitywise).

**As far as I know it had good ratings, but it still didn't get a good ending. Keep reading...

Why I Love...

The Golden Girls!
The only sucky thing about being in the UK right now is that Hulu discriminates against the Brits so I can't watch SNL. As a result, I've missed the recent culmination of Bettymania: Betty White co-hosting SNL. But it's ok. I'll just wait. Anyway, we're not here to laud Betty White alone. This month I'm expressing my undying love for The Golden Girls.


One of my favourite ways to unwind after a long summer day of doing absolutely nothing is to watch a couple episodes of The Golden Girls. The GGs are great for a couple reasons.


First of all: BEA ARTHUR (God rest her) as resident Deadpan Snarker, Dorothy Zbornak. Dorothy's always got some great reply to the numerous stupid things that Rose says. She also makes references to 80s pop culture that I don't get but I laugh anyway because I'm kinda dumb like that. Or! It's just that funny. (Let's go with the latter) As you know, I have much love for shameless sluts (See: Mia from Degrassi) so you know I have nothing but respect for Blanche, The Golden Girls' fancy, Southern, slutty flower. Even though Dorothy and Blanche are my favourites, I still have love for Rose and Sophia because both are pretty damn funny.


Another reason I love The Golden Girls is because it's bascially a bunch of old people talking about sex. I don't know about you but personally I get pretty bored of listening to young people talk about sex. It's not as classy, ya know? Old people FTW.


Besides that, The Golden Girls is one of the many great sitcoms of the mid-80s/early-90s. I think the sitcom has been dying a slow, painful death since the mid-90s and watching shows like The Golden Girls and comparing it to some stuff made post-1995 should show the difference between a good sitcom and the shittiness they call situation comedies these days. As with any good sitcom, The Golden Girls tackled some pretty big deal 80s issues while staying on point with the humour and not making you feel like you were watching a primetime after-school special.


Nothing's greater than watching a bunch of older ladies navigate their loves lives while stuffing their faces with cheesecake. I don't watch Sex and the City but I'm just gonna assume that The Golden Girls did it first and did it better. Alright, I'm off to stuff my face with cheesecake! I'll leave you with this fantastic scene:



:)
ciao!
P.S. - Oh yeah - the theme song!! Can't believe I almost forgot...
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King Kevin Graces Us with His (TV) Presence

We're not worthy!

So if you're not a game show enthusiast, aren't happy with NBC (*cough*Team CoCo*cough*)or just don't like middle-aged dudes with bleached hair, then you probably haven't watched this show Minute to Win It. Basically normal people have to do challenges with normal stuff in 60 seconds or less and have three lives and they try to win a million dollars blah blah blah.

Doesn't matter. Point is that King Kevin called them up and was all "Yo, put me on the show" and they were all "Hells yeah we will!"

He kicked some household-item ass. Watch the episode:



Now you may be asking why King Kevin didn't go all the way. Doesn't that mean he doesn't deserve to be King? That he's just some regular dude with plaid shirts and and rabid fans? And to this I say how dare you question his greatness! You're not worthy, indeed! Clearly he needs to seem average so we don't die from his awesomeness. Clearly. Besides, Fieri says it himself, King Kevin has won the most money in the (short) history of the show. So there, nay-sayers. Just be happy King Kevin is a forgiving King.

PS Notice how Joe was just *too busy* to be there. I mean come on, even Nick was there and he has two bands. My guess is that by the time Joe was satisfied with his hair the show wa--no he's still working on his hair.

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Top 5 Worst Degrassi Couples

Q: "Bad Romance;" the real-life kind, the TV kind and the Gaga kind - what do they have in common?


A: All invoke tears - tears of sadness, laughter and confusion.
(Respectively).

So here it goes. This time we're looking at what are, IMO, some of the worst couples in Degrassi: The Next Generation history. Note: I'm mostly ignoring post-Season 7 relationships & relationships that don't involve the original, core Degrassi crew. I've made one exception because it was just that bad. But if I took into account all the others, this list would be a) too long and b) too full of anger. My heart can't handle that. So let's go!

5.Jazel (Jimmy and Hazel)

Jimmy's so bored he can't even be bothered to smile.

Jazel loses simply because Hazel was part of the equation. Never before in the history of tv has there been a more useless character. Jimmy might as well have dated a piece of wet cardboard - it would've been more exciting then Jimmy + Hazel. Probably sexier too.

I'm pretty sure Jazel was a couple of convenience. First of all, poor, useless Hazel was only known as "that one black chick that follows Paige around." That's no good, right? They had to make her more interesting. So, why not put her in a relationship because, hey, romances are interesting. Also, Jim hadn't been in a relationship with anyone since the Jashley era. And it didn't make sense for him to be single because he was Jimmy Brooks - popular, rich, basketball-playing dude. But the real point of convenience was the fact that both characters were black. *shrug* You know it's true.

Jazel mainly sucked because nothing happened between them. There was no drama and you could never understand what the two had in common besides both going to Degrassi and hanging out with Spinner and Paige. Oh yeah, and being black. If you're gonna put two characters together who don't make sense, at least try and make them interesting.

Anywho, Jazel tottered along for about two seasons being boring as hell - even through the epicness of Jimmy getting shot. Yes, Hazel is that boring. They finally petered out in Season 5 when Jimmy started crushing on Ellie (gross, I know) and Hazel, realizing how boring she was, decided to jump off the face of the earth. Or something like that.
(I said "boring" a lot)

4. Marco and ANYONE
I wish there was a cute portmanteau for this one but there can't be because it's NOT cute what they did to poor Marco. Dylan wasn't so bad; the first time around at least. They were kinda cute only because Marco was cute as he peeked out of the closet and had a look around.* (Ugh, now I'm saying "cute" a lot) But then they kept bringing Dylan back and it just got boring. Marco was clingy and Dylan was all, "I'm Canadian, therefore all I care about is hockey."

Marco: "But why do the writers hate me so much?" *Sob*

Between the two Dylan bookends was some annoying new high school kid who's dad kicked him out. I don't know his name and can't be bothered to look it up. What I do know was that he was both annoying and very annoying. Thankfully, he joined the "Let's jump off of the earth" party with Hazel and we never saw him again. After Dylan, we got some black dude with a big gap in his teeth. His name also doesn't matter. I think Marco actually dated him. He, too, was annoying and also unattractive. Then Marco did it with Ellie...or made out with her - I DON'T KNOW. Either way, it was GROSS.

Basically, the writers suddenly decided they hated Marco and didn't want to give him any storylines that didn't pertain to him being gay. (Oh, there were the gambling & prostitution ones but they were just more proof that the writers hated Marco because they were very bad.) It wouldn't have been so bad for Marco to be all gay all day if they had at least given him some good romances. But no, Marco was continually punished for being adorable and fashionable.

I have a lot of love for Degrassi's first gay character. We got some really great episodes concerning Marco and his struggles (see: Pride, Careless Whisper). But after that all they did was screw Marco over with ugly or stupid boyfriends. Then they stuck him with a bunny. Disrespect to the nth degree.

3. Spanny (Spinner and Manny)
Ah, what can I say about the brief whirlwind that was Spinner and Manny? Simply "UGHHH." Why did they exist??? They made no sense except that Spinner was horny and Manny was still in her slutty, man-stealing phase.

Spanny came about at an interesting time for both characters. Firstly, it was post-shooting so we could be easy on them and attribute it to emotional trauma buuuuutttt, I'm not that nice. Both characters were recently single: Manny had broken up with her odd choice of a boyfriend, JT, earlier in the season. Spinner had been dumped by Paige after he took on the title of Douche in Residence (being a jerk, flirting with Manny & having gross hair).

Oh, how very lame we are.

Spinner and Manny appear harmless because they didn't last very long and didn't even have that much screen time. However, they irk me so much because the writers made their relationship into this big thing. Manny was mostly the reason Paige dumped Spinner. They even devoted a whole (bad) episode to exploring their newfound steadiness; fully-equipped with Manny pleading that Spinner not break her heart like Craig did. Then, after Spinner's confession, they just fall apart. No official break-up or anything. It was one thing that annoyed me about the whole "We Hate Spinner" post-confession campaign. His girlfriend, of all people, only gets a tiny scene where she gives him the silent treatment. It was just dumb. There was all this (minor) build-up and drama for nothing.

Spinner and Manny as a couple were both useless and grimy. Sure, Manny's hair looked really nice but she could've had nice hair being single too. Like all the couples on this list, they were simply a waste of good drama. I wish they never happened because maybe then we could've avoided the minor head trauma that was Chester. *shiver*

2.Semma 2.0 (Sean and Emma...again)

As you have already seen, I have much love for Semma. So why, you ask, are they on my list of Worst Degrassi Couples? Well, one main reason a couple fails for me is because one part of the couple fails as a character. It's one thing to have an unlikable but well-written character in a relationship with a character you like better (take Jimmy and Ashley as an example). But it's a whole 'nother thing to have a sucky character (or two) in a relationship (see: Jazel).

So, who sucks in the reincarnation of Semma? Sean. *gasp* I know. But Sean was put through the pussyfication machine while on hiatus from Degrassi and it ruined both his character and his relationship with Emma. I liked the somewhat cliche "bad boy with a heart" characterization of Sean. But when he came back in Season 6, he'd changed. First of all, he was even hotter. :) But on the negative side, he was some weird version of Sean who coveted Emma's shampoo fragrance and was sentimental and mushy. Ew.

I shouldn't give Sean all the flack though because I also think Sean & Emma: Take 2 was further evidence of the demise of Emma. I know people like to hate on Emma - lot's of people say she's a hypocrite and self-righteous. But Emma was consistently hypocritical and self-righteous and that's what I liked about her. Semma was just evidence that the Degrassi writers had forgotten about the characters they wrote.

There was also something insincere about Semma 2.0. It was almost as if the writers weren't sure why they put them back together so they had to try really hard to make them seem as if they fit and were not just a product of latent passion. There was no real evidence that the two had rediscovered any common ground. It was just, "Damn, Emma has boobs now. That's hott." and "Damn, Sean looks sexii. That's...sexii." Oh and "Damn, Peter's such a loser. That's not hott or sexii."

Semma should've been left in its grave. When a good thing dies, just leave it. Don't dig it up and parade its corpse around like it's your new, cute best friend. Corpses are gross, not cute.

1. Pia (Peter and Mia)

Peter: "Golly, we sure do suck." Mia: "Agreed"

Semma 2.0 almost earned the honorable spot of Degrassi's Worst Couple but then I decided they didn't bother me as much as the dreadful combination of Peter and Mia. At first Peter didn't irritate me much as a character. He was kinda seedy and demonic and I liked that. Then, as usual, the writers started eating their shrooms and decided that Peter should be "good." Blech. Although they're both essentially losers, the bigger loser here is Mia. I didn't mind her at first either. The teenage mom thing was different and because my heart was consumed with hate for Darcy, I didn't have room to hate on Mia.

However, once Darcy skipped off to CW-land, there was much room in my heart for hate and Mia, being a stand-up gal, slipped easily into the hole left by Darcy in both mine and Peter's hearts.

So, what's the problem with Pia? A couple things. First of all, they are incredibly contrived. Peter and Darcy were also incredibly contrived but in a way that was both hilarious and very hilarious. Pia, on the other hand, are contrived in a way that made you want to sip battery acid. Everything about the pairing was forced beyond belief. Their "love" was forced, their "drama" was forced, their "chemistry" was forced. All forced. All constipated.

Secondly, why couldn't Peter be single for like, 2 seconds? Peter quickly jumped from crushing on Manny, to dating Emma, to dating Darcy, to dating Mia. All that dating left no time for important things like taping girls' boobies or setting up soft-core porn shoots of fellow classmates. With all this dating (and shroom eating on the part of the writers) Peter couldn't be the little creeper devil we'd come to love.

The good ol' days when Pete was a single, white creeper.

Lastly, Mia sucks. As soon as JT died, we got to see that Mia was whiny and self-entitled. Then the whole modeling thing came around and we also got to see that she was a bit of a bitch and a major ho. (Which I kinda respect because who doesn't love a shameless slut?) What most annoyed me about Mia though was her whining. Whine, whine, whine; that's all she did and that act got real tired, real fast.

Unfortunately for Peter, when his girlfriends aren't making out with other guys, they're jumping the Degrassi ship in favor of crappy CW shows. So, fortunately for us, Mia has gone off to snog vampires (or "model in Paris" *snort*, *giggle*). But the viewers soon learned that they weren't that fortunate because now we have to deal with a pathetically single Peter that doesn't do any shady stuff. Ugh. Where are Manny and her boobs when you need them?


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Honorable mentions: Janny (JT and Manny, Pemma (Peter and Emma), Demma (Damien and Emma), Sanya (Sav and Anya)**, Jalli (Johnny and Alli) and most other post-Season 7 relationships.

ciao!

*Seriously though, Adamo Ruggerio is hella cute. And his name is oh so Italian
**Good god, how fcuking annoying are these two?

P.S. - We'll wait til the end of season 9 before discussing the Top 5 Best Worst Couples so hold out, if you can. (I'm sure you can) Also, magic words of this post: boring, cute and boobs.


I lay no claim to the above pictures. They belong to whoever owns them. I swear!


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