King Kevin Does It Again

And by "it" I mean teaches us why he's King, you sickos.* (Also remember when he used to straighten his hair? How unfortunate.)

Apparently, the moment King Kevin realized he wanted to be a musician was when he was at an MxPx show, at least that's what Dying Scene is reporting, and dammit if that doesn't warm the heart. The boy has good taste in music. Maybe that's why the others never let him play a big part in the music making/performing process. His good taste clashes with their poopy taste. Yes, poopy taste.

It's OK King Kevin. We all know your intentions and inspirations are great.

*Besides, they sleep in separate rooms anyway.

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Why I Love...

The Golden Girls!
The only sucky thing about being in the UK right now is that Hulu discriminates against the Brits so I can't watch SNL. As a result, I've missed the recent culmination of Bettymania: Betty White co-hosting SNL. But it's ok. I'll just wait. Anyway, we're not here to laud Betty White alone. This month I'm expressing my undying love for The Golden Girls.


One of my favourite ways to unwind after a long summer day of doing absolutely nothing is to watch a couple episodes of The Golden Girls. The GGs are great for a couple reasons.


First of all: BEA ARTHUR (God rest her) as resident Deadpan Snarker, Dorothy Zbornak. Dorothy's always got some great reply to the numerous stupid things that Rose says. She also makes references to 80s pop culture that I don't get but I laugh anyway because I'm kinda dumb like that. Or! It's just that funny. (Let's go with the latter) As you know, I have much love for shameless sluts (See: Mia from Degrassi) so you know I have nothing but respect for Blanche, The Golden Girls' fancy, Southern, slutty flower. Even though Dorothy and Blanche are my favourites, I still have love for Rose and Sophia because both are pretty damn funny.


Another reason I love The Golden Girls is because it's bascially a bunch of old people talking about sex. I don't know about you but personally I get pretty bored of listening to young people talk about sex. It's not as classy, ya know? Old people FTW.


Besides that, The Golden Girls is one of the many great sitcoms of the mid-80s/early-90s. I think the sitcom has been dying a slow, painful death since the mid-90s and watching shows like The Golden Girls and comparing it to some stuff made post-1995 should show the difference between a good sitcom and the shittiness they call situation comedies these days. As with any good sitcom, The Golden Girls tackled some pretty big deal 80s issues while staying on point with the humour and not making you feel like you were watching a primetime after-school special.


Nothing's greater than watching a bunch of older ladies navigate their loves lives while stuffing their faces with cheesecake. I don't watch Sex and the City but I'm just gonna assume that The Golden Girls did it first and did it better. Alright, I'm off to stuff my face with cheesecake! I'll leave you with this fantastic scene:



:)
ciao!
P.S. - Oh yeah - the theme song!! Can't believe I almost forgot...
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Dear Loving Celebrity the Retrospective Director Edition

Dear Steve Barron,

You've directed many of our favorite visual stuff. The list includes Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the movie, Coneheads, and a whole mess of our favorite 80's videos, such as the video for Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me with Science" and the a-ha video for "Take on Me." We really appreciate this. One thing though...

Apparently you did not want any dancing in the video you directed for Michael Jackson. This video was "Billie Jean." You almost screwed the pooch with that mindset. Be glad MJ convinced you to let him dance for 30 seconds because you are now eternally related to the video of the song that brought us the Moonwalk. Just saying.

Love,

The Juicebox

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King Kevin Graces Us with His (TV) Presence

We're not worthy!

So if you're not a game show enthusiast, aren't happy with NBC (*cough*Team CoCo*cough*)or just don't like middle-aged dudes with bleached hair, then you probably haven't watched this show Minute to Win It. Basically normal people have to do challenges with normal stuff in 60 seconds or less and have three lives and they try to win a million dollars blah blah blah.

Doesn't matter. Point is that King Kevin called them up and was all "Yo, put me on the show" and they were all "Hells yeah we will!"

He kicked some household-item ass. Watch the episode:



Now you may be asking why King Kevin didn't go all the way. Doesn't that mean he doesn't deserve to be King? That he's just some regular dude with plaid shirts and and rabid fans? And to this I say how dare you question his greatness! You're not worthy, indeed! Clearly he needs to seem average so we don't die from his awesomeness. Clearly. Besides, Fieri says it himself, King Kevin has won the most money in the (short) history of the show. So there, nay-sayers. Just be happy King Kevin is a forgiving King.

PS Notice how Joe was just *too busy* to be there. I mean come on, even Nick was there and he has two bands. My guess is that by the time Joe was satisfied with his hair the show wa--no he's still working on his hair.

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Top 5 Worst Degrassi Couples

Q: "Bad Romance;" the real-life kind, the TV kind and the Gaga kind - what do they have in common?


A: All invoke tears - tears of sadness, laughter and confusion.
(Respectively).

So here it goes. This time we're looking at what are, IMO, some of the worst couples in Degrassi: The Next Generation history. Note: I'm mostly ignoring post-Season 7 relationships & relationships that don't involve the original, core Degrassi crew. I've made one exception because it was just that bad. But if I took into account all the others, this list would be a) too long and b) too full of anger. My heart can't handle that. So let's go!

5.Jazel (Jimmy and Hazel)

Jimmy's so bored he can't even be bothered to smile.

Jazel loses simply because Hazel was part of the equation. Never before in the history of tv has there been a more useless character. Jimmy might as well have dated a piece of wet cardboard - it would've been more exciting then Jimmy + Hazel. Probably sexier too.

I'm pretty sure Jazel was a couple of convenience. First of all, poor, useless Hazel was only known as "that one black chick that follows Paige around." That's no good, right? They had to make her more interesting. So, why not put her in a relationship because, hey, romances are interesting. Also, Jim hadn't been in a relationship with anyone since the Jashley era. And it didn't make sense for him to be single because he was Jimmy Brooks - popular, rich, basketball-playing dude. But the real point of convenience was the fact that both characters were black. *shrug* You know it's true.

Jazel mainly sucked because nothing happened between them. There was no drama and you could never understand what the two had in common besides both going to Degrassi and hanging out with Spinner and Paige. Oh yeah, and being black. If you're gonna put two characters together who don't make sense, at least try and make them interesting.

Anywho, Jazel tottered along for about two seasons being boring as hell - even through the epicness of Jimmy getting shot. Yes, Hazel is that boring. They finally petered out in Season 5 when Jimmy started crushing on Ellie (gross, I know) and Hazel, realizing how boring she was, decided to jump off the face of the earth. Or something like that.
(I said "boring" a lot)

4. Marco and ANYONE
I wish there was a cute portmanteau for this one but there can't be because it's NOT cute what they did to poor Marco. Dylan wasn't so bad; the first time around at least. They were kinda cute only because Marco was cute as he peeked out of the closet and had a look around.* (Ugh, now I'm saying "cute" a lot) But then they kept bringing Dylan back and it just got boring. Marco was clingy and Dylan was all, "I'm Canadian, therefore all I care about is hockey."

Marco: "But why do the writers hate me so much?" *Sob*

Between the two Dylan bookends was some annoying new high school kid who's dad kicked him out. I don't know his name and can't be bothered to look it up. What I do know was that he was both annoying and very annoying. Thankfully, he joined the "Let's jump off of the earth" party with Hazel and we never saw him again. After Dylan, we got some black dude with a big gap in his teeth. His name also doesn't matter. I think Marco actually dated him. He, too, was annoying and also unattractive. Then Marco did it with Ellie...or made out with her - I DON'T KNOW. Either way, it was GROSS.

Basically, the writers suddenly decided they hated Marco and didn't want to give him any storylines that didn't pertain to him being gay. (Oh, there were the gambling & prostitution ones but they were just more proof that the writers hated Marco because they were very bad.) It wouldn't have been so bad for Marco to be all gay all day if they had at least given him some good romances. But no, Marco was continually punished for being adorable and fashionable.

I have a lot of love for Degrassi's first gay character. We got some really great episodes concerning Marco and his struggles (see: Pride, Careless Whisper). But after that all they did was screw Marco over with ugly or stupid boyfriends. Then they stuck him with a bunny. Disrespect to the nth degree.

3. Spanny (Spinner and Manny)
Ah, what can I say about the brief whirlwind that was Spinner and Manny? Simply "UGHHH." Why did they exist??? They made no sense except that Spinner was horny and Manny was still in her slutty, man-stealing phase.

Spanny came about at an interesting time for both characters. Firstly, it was post-shooting so we could be easy on them and attribute it to emotional trauma buuuuutttt, I'm not that nice. Both characters were recently single: Manny had broken up with her odd choice of a boyfriend, JT, earlier in the season. Spinner had been dumped by Paige after he took on the title of Douche in Residence (being a jerk, flirting with Manny & having gross hair).

Oh, how very lame we are.

Spinner and Manny appear harmless because they didn't last very long and didn't even have that much screen time. However, they irk me so much because the writers made their relationship into this big thing. Manny was mostly the reason Paige dumped Spinner. They even devoted a whole (bad) episode to exploring their newfound steadiness; fully-equipped with Manny pleading that Spinner not break her heart like Craig did. Then, after Spinner's confession, they just fall apart. No official break-up or anything. It was one thing that annoyed me about the whole "We Hate Spinner" post-confession campaign. His girlfriend, of all people, only gets a tiny scene where she gives him the silent treatment. It was just dumb. There was all this (minor) build-up and drama for nothing.

Spinner and Manny as a couple were both useless and grimy. Sure, Manny's hair looked really nice but she could've had nice hair being single too. Like all the couples on this list, they were simply a waste of good drama. I wish they never happened because maybe then we could've avoided the minor head trauma that was Chester. *shiver*

2.Semma 2.0 (Sean and Emma...again)

As you have already seen, I have much love for Semma. So why, you ask, are they on my list of Worst Degrassi Couples? Well, one main reason a couple fails for me is because one part of the couple fails as a character. It's one thing to have an unlikable but well-written character in a relationship with a character you like better (take Jimmy and Ashley as an example). But it's a whole 'nother thing to have a sucky character (or two) in a relationship (see: Jazel).

So, who sucks in the reincarnation of Semma? Sean. *gasp* I know. But Sean was put through the pussyfication machine while on hiatus from Degrassi and it ruined both his character and his relationship with Emma. I liked the somewhat cliche "bad boy with a heart" characterization of Sean. But when he came back in Season 6, he'd changed. First of all, he was even hotter. :) But on the negative side, he was some weird version of Sean who coveted Emma's shampoo fragrance and was sentimental and mushy. Ew.

I shouldn't give Sean all the flack though because I also think Sean & Emma: Take 2 was further evidence of the demise of Emma. I know people like to hate on Emma - lot's of people say she's a hypocrite and self-righteous. But Emma was consistently hypocritical and self-righteous and that's what I liked about her. Semma was just evidence that the Degrassi writers had forgotten about the characters they wrote.

There was also something insincere about Semma 2.0. It was almost as if the writers weren't sure why they put them back together so they had to try really hard to make them seem as if they fit and were not just a product of latent passion. There was no real evidence that the two had rediscovered any common ground. It was just, "Damn, Emma has boobs now. That's hott." and "Damn, Sean looks sexii. That's...sexii." Oh and "Damn, Peter's such a loser. That's not hott or sexii."

Semma should've been left in its grave. When a good thing dies, just leave it. Don't dig it up and parade its corpse around like it's your new, cute best friend. Corpses are gross, not cute.

1. Pia (Peter and Mia)

Peter: "Golly, we sure do suck." Mia: "Agreed"

Semma 2.0 almost earned the honorable spot of Degrassi's Worst Couple but then I decided they didn't bother me as much as the dreadful combination of Peter and Mia. At first Peter didn't irritate me much as a character. He was kinda seedy and demonic and I liked that. Then, as usual, the writers started eating their shrooms and decided that Peter should be "good." Blech. Although they're both essentially losers, the bigger loser here is Mia. I didn't mind her at first either. The teenage mom thing was different and because my heart was consumed with hate for Darcy, I didn't have room to hate on Mia.

However, once Darcy skipped off to CW-land, there was much room in my heart for hate and Mia, being a stand-up gal, slipped easily into the hole left by Darcy in both mine and Peter's hearts.

So, what's the problem with Pia? A couple things. First of all, they are incredibly contrived. Peter and Darcy were also incredibly contrived but in a way that was both hilarious and very hilarious. Pia, on the other hand, are contrived in a way that made you want to sip battery acid. Everything about the pairing was forced beyond belief. Their "love" was forced, their "drama" was forced, their "chemistry" was forced. All forced. All constipated.

Secondly, why couldn't Peter be single for like, 2 seconds? Peter quickly jumped from crushing on Manny, to dating Emma, to dating Darcy, to dating Mia. All that dating left no time for important things like taping girls' boobies or setting up soft-core porn shoots of fellow classmates. With all this dating (and shroom eating on the part of the writers) Peter couldn't be the little creeper devil we'd come to love.

The good ol' days when Pete was a single, white creeper.

Lastly, Mia sucks. As soon as JT died, we got to see that Mia was whiny and self-entitled. Then the whole modeling thing came around and we also got to see that she was a bit of a bitch and a major ho. (Which I kinda respect because who doesn't love a shameless slut?) What most annoyed me about Mia though was her whining. Whine, whine, whine; that's all she did and that act got real tired, real fast.

Unfortunately for Peter, when his girlfriends aren't making out with other guys, they're jumping the Degrassi ship in favor of crappy CW shows. So, fortunately for us, Mia has gone off to snog vampires (or "model in Paris" *snort*, *giggle*). But the viewers soon learned that they weren't that fortunate because now we have to deal with a pathetically single Peter that doesn't do any shady stuff. Ugh. Where are Manny and her boobs when you need them?


---


Honorable mentions: Janny (JT and Manny, Pemma (Peter and Emma), Demma (Damien and Emma), Sanya (Sav and Anya)**, Jalli (Johnny and Alli) and most other post-Season 7 relationships.

ciao!

*Seriously though, Adamo Ruggerio is hella cute. And his name is oh so Italian
**Good god, how fcuking annoying are these two?

P.S. - We'll wait til the end of season 9 before discussing the Top 5 Best Worst Couples so hold out, if you can. (I'm sure you can) Also, magic words of this post: boring, cute and boobs.


I lay no claim to the above pictures. They belong to whoever owns them. I swear!


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Video Vomit: "Rup. G Panty Creamer" Edition

This needs no explanation, no commentary. Simply read the title, then feast your eyes.

You're welcome.


ciao!
;)
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Why I Love...

Cats.

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