King Kevin Graces Us with His (TV) Presence

We're not worthy!

So if you're not a game show enthusiast, aren't happy with NBC (*cough*Team CoCo*cough*)or just don't like middle-aged dudes with bleached hair, then you probably haven't watched this show Minute to Win It. Basically normal people have to do challenges with normal stuff in 60 seconds or less and have three lives and they try to win a million dollars blah blah blah.

Doesn't matter. Point is that King Kevin called them up and was all "Yo, put me on the show" and they were all "Hells yeah we will!"

He kicked some household-item ass. Watch the episode:



Now you may be asking why King Kevin didn't go all the way. Doesn't that mean he doesn't deserve to be King? That he's just some regular dude with plaid shirts and and rabid fans? And to this I say how dare you question his greatness! You're not worthy, indeed! Clearly he needs to seem average so we don't die from his awesomeness. Clearly. Besides, Fieri says it himself, King Kevin has won the most money in the (short) history of the show. So there, nay-sayers. Just be happy King Kevin is a forgiving King.

PS Notice how Joe was just *too busy* to be there. I mean come on, even Nick was there and he has two bands. My guess is that by the time Joe was satisfied with his hair the show wa--no he's still working on his hair.

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Top 5 Worst Degrassi Couples

Q: "Bad Romance;" the real-life kind, the TV kind and the Gaga kind - what do they have in common?


A: All invoke tears - tears of sadness, laughter and confusion.
(Respectively).

So here it goes. This time we're looking at what are, IMO, some of the worst couples in Degrassi: The Next Generation history. Note: I'm mostly ignoring post-Season 7 relationships & relationships that don't involve the original, core Degrassi crew. I've made one exception because it was just that bad. But if I took into account all the others, this list would be a) too long and b) too full of anger. My heart can't handle that. So let's go!

5.Jazel (Jimmy and Hazel)

Jimmy's so bored he can't even be bothered to smile.

Jazel loses simply because Hazel was part of the equation. Never before in the history of tv has there been a more useless character. Jimmy might as well have dated a piece of wet cardboard - it would've been more exciting then Jimmy + Hazel. Probably sexier too.

I'm pretty sure Jazel was a couple of convenience. First of all, poor, useless Hazel was only known as "that one black chick that follows Paige around." That's no good, right? They had to make her more interesting. So, why not put her in a relationship because, hey, romances are interesting. Also, Jim hadn't been in a relationship with anyone since the Jashley era. And it didn't make sense for him to be single because he was Jimmy Brooks - popular, rich, basketball-playing dude. But the real point of convenience was the fact that both characters were black. *shrug* You know it's true.

Jazel mainly sucked because nothing happened between them. There was no drama and you could never understand what the two had in common besides both going to Degrassi and hanging out with Spinner and Paige. Oh yeah, and being black. If you're gonna put two characters together who don't make sense, at least try and make them interesting.

Anywho, Jazel tottered along for about two seasons being boring as hell - even through the epicness of Jimmy getting shot. Yes, Hazel is that boring. They finally petered out in Season 5 when Jimmy started crushing on Ellie (gross, I know) and Hazel, realizing how boring she was, decided to jump off the face of the earth. Or something like that.
(I said "boring" a lot)

4. Marco and ANYONE
I wish there was a cute portmanteau for this one but there can't be because it's NOT cute what they did to poor Marco. Dylan wasn't so bad; the first time around at least. They were kinda cute only because Marco was cute as he peeked out of the closet and had a look around.* (Ugh, now I'm saying "cute" a lot) But then they kept bringing Dylan back and it just got boring. Marco was clingy and Dylan was all, "I'm Canadian, therefore all I care about is hockey."

Marco: "But why do the writers hate me so much?" *Sob*

Between the two Dylan bookends was some annoying new high school kid who's dad kicked him out. I don't know his name and can't be bothered to look it up. What I do know was that he was both annoying and very annoying. Thankfully, he joined the "Let's jump off of the earth" party with Hazel and we never saw him again. After Dylan, we got some black dude with a big gap in his teeth. His name also doesn't matter. I think Marco actually dated him. He, too, was annoying and also unattractive. Then Marco did it with Ellie...or made out with her - I DON'T KNOW. Either way, it was GROSS.

Basically, the writers suddenly decided they hated Marco and didn't want to give him any storylines that didn't pertain to him being gay. (Oh, there were the gambling & prostitution ones but they were just more proof that the writers hated Marco because they were very bad.) It wouldn't have been so bad for Marco to be all gay all day if they had at least given him some good romances. But no, Marco was continually punished for being adorable and fashionable.

I have a lot of love for Degrassi's first gay character. We got some really great episodes concerning Marco and his struggles (see: Pride, Careless Whisper). But after that all they did was screw Marco over with ugly or stupid boyfriends. Then they stuck him with a bunny. Disrespect to the nth degree.

3. Spanny (Spinner and Manny)
Ah, what can I say about the brief whirlwind that was Spinner and Manny? Simply "UGHHH." Why did they exist??? They made no sense except that Spinner was horny and Manny was still in her slutty, man-stealing phase.

Spanny came about at an interesting time for both characters. Firstly, it was post-shooting so we could be easy on them and attribute it to emotional trauma buuuuutttt, I'm not that nice. Both characters were recently single: Manny had broken up with her odd choice of a boyfriend, JT, earlier in the season. Spinner had been dumped by Paige after he took on the title of Douche in Residence (being a jerk, flirting with Manny & having gross hair).

Oh, how very lame we are.

Spinner and Manny appear harmless because they didn't last very long and didn't even have that much screen time. However, they irk me so much because the writers made their relationship into this big thing. Manny was mostly the reason Paige dumped Spinner. They even devoted a whole (bad) episode to exploring their newfound steadiness; fully-equipped with Manny pleading that Spinner not break her heart like Craig did. Then, after Spinner's confession, they just fall apart. No official break-up or anything. It was one thing that annoyed me about the whole "We Hate Spinner" post-confession campaign. His girlfriend, of all people, only gets a tiny scene where she gives him the silent treatment. It was just dumb. There was all this (minor) build-up and drama for nothing.

Spinner and Manny as a couple were both useless and grimy. Sure, Manny's hair looked really nice but she could've had nice hair being single too. Like all the couples on this list, they were simply a waste of good drama. I wish they never happened because maybe then we could've avoided the minor head trauma that was Chester. *shiver*

2.Semma 2.0 (Sean and Emma...again)

As you have already seen, I have much love for Semma. So why, you ask, are they on my list of Worst Degrassi Couples? Well, one main reason a couple fails for me is because one part of the couple fails as a character. It's one thing to have an unlikable but well-written character in a relationship with a character you like better (take Jimmy and Ashley as an example). But it's a whole 'nother thing to have a sucky character (or two) in a relationship (see: Jazel).

So, who sucks in the reincarnation of Semma? Sean. *gasp* I know. But Sean was put through the pussyfication machine while on hiatus from Degrassi and it ruined both his character and his relationship with Emma. I liked the somewhat cliche "bad boy with a heart" characterization of Sean. But when he came back in Season 6, he'd changed. First of all, he was even hotter. :) But on the negative side, he was some weird version of Sean who coveted Emma's shampoo fragrance and was sentimental and mushy. Ew.

I shouldn't give Sean all the flack though because I also think Sean & Emma: Take 2 was further evidence of the demise of Emma. I know people like to hate on Emma - lot's of people say she's a hypocrite and self-righteous. But Emma was consistently hypocritical and self-righteous and that's what I liked about her. Semma was just evidence that the Degrassi writers had forgotten about the characters they wrote.

There was also something insincere about Semma 2.0. It was almost as if the writers weren't sure why they put them back together so they had to try really hard to make them seem as if they fit and were not just a product of latent passion. There was no real evidence that the two had rediscovered any common ground. It was just, "Damn, Emma has boobs now. That's hott." and "Damn, Sean looks sexii. That's...sexii." Oh and "Damn, Peter's such a loser. That's not hott or sexii."

Semma should've been left in its grave. When a good thing dies, just leave it. Don't dig it up and parade its corpse around like it's your new, cute best friend. Corpses are gross, not cute.

1. Pia (Peter and Mia)

Peter: "Golly, we sure do suck." Mia: "Agreed"

Semma 2.0 almost earned the honorable spot of Degrassi's Worst Couple but then I decided they didn't bother me as much as the dreadful combination of Peter and Mia. At first Peter didn't irritate me much as a character. He was kinda seedy and demonic and I liked that. Then, as usual, the writers started eating their shrooms and decided that Peter should be "good." Blech. Although they're both essentially losers, the bigger loser here is Mia. I didn't mind her at first either. The teenage mom thing was different and because my heart was consumed with hate for Darcy, I didn't have room to hate on Mia.

However, once Darcy skipped off to CW-land, there was much room in my heart for hate and Mia, being a stand-up gal, slipped easily into the hole left by Darcy in both mine and Peter's hearts.

So, what's the problem with Pia? A couple things. First of all, they are incredibly contrived. Peter and Darcy were also incredibly contrived but in a way that was both hilarious and very hilarious. Pia, on the other hand, are contrived in a way that made you want to sip battery acid. Everything about the pairing was forced beyond belief. Their "love" was forced, their "drama" was forced, their "chemistry" was forced. All forced. All constipated.

Secondly, why couldn't Peter be single for like, 2 seconds? Peter quickly jumped from crushing on Manny, to dating Emma, to dating Darcy, to dating Mia. All that dating left no time for important things like taping girls' boobies or setting up soft-core porn shoots of fellow classmates. With all this dating (and shroom eating on the part of the writers) Peter couldn't be the little creeper devil we'd come to love.

The good ol' days when Pete was a single, white creeper.

Lastly, Mia sucks. As soon as JT died, we got to see that Mia was whiny and self-entitled. Then the whole modeling thing came around and we also got to see that she was a bit of a bitch and a major ho. (Which I kinda respect because who doesn't love a shameless slut?) What most annoyed me about Mia though was her whining. Whine, whine, whine; that's all she did and that act got real tired, real fast.

Unfortunately for Peter, when his girlfriends aren't making out with other guys, they're jumping the Degrassi ship in favor of crappy CW shows. So, fortunately for us, Mia has gone off to snog vampires (or "model in Paris" *snort*, *giggle*). But the viewers soon learned that they weren't that fortunate because now we have to deal with a pathetically single Peter that doesn't do any shady stuff. Ugh. Where are Manny and her boobs when you need them?


---


Honorable mentions: Janny (JT and Manny, Pemma (Peter and Emma), Demma (Damien and Emma), Sanya (Sav and Anya)**, Jalli (Johnny and Alli) and most other post-Season 7 relationships.

ciao!

*Seriously though, Adamo Ruggerio is hella cute. And his name is oh so Italian
**Good god, how fcuking annoying are these two?

P.S. - We'll wait til the end of season 9 before discussing the Top 5 Best Worst Couples so hold out, if you can. (I'm sure you can) Also, magic words of this post: boring, cute and boobs.


I lay no claim to the above pictures. They belong to whoever owns them. I swear!


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Video Vomit: "Rup. G Panty Creamer" Edition

This needs no explanation, no commentary. Simply read the title, then feast your eyes.

You're welcome.


ciao!
;)
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Why I Love...

Cats.

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Why I Love...(PART 2)

...pulp fiction. (The genre, not the movie...I'm making up for not posting in a while.)

The reason I love pulp novels is simple: it's about bad-ass dudes and broads doing bad-ass stuff in a seedy, nasty world. That and because "The Invisible Millionaire" from Follow the Saint by Leslie Charteris gave us this fabulous line:

"To compare it to the face of a gorilla which had been in violent contact with a variety of blunt instruments during its formative years would be risking the justifiable resentment of any gorilla which had been in violent contact with a variety of blunt instruments during its formative years."

That's great stuff only a classic character like The Saint can get away with.

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Why I Love...

Photo Source

Pop-up books! (Man it's been I while since I've done one of these...)

Seriously though, who didn't like pop-up books? It made reading fun. Pulling out tabs that made a dog's tail wag. Entire forest scenes popping up from the page. Pop-up books were an interactive adventure story. But the best part is: it's not just for kids.

The world of book and paper arts just makes things even better. There are some absolutely amazing paper artists who just make me green with envy. Even the Smithsonian Libraries have dedicated a portion of their blog to it. There's even a Movable Book Society!

I mean, come on! Look at this and tell me it's not cool:

Source

Exactly. You can't! Check out some of the other posts on the SILS blog, some amazing stuff on this French website, and this NPR piece about Robert Sabuda and his Alice pop-up. Really good stuff to say the least.

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Top 5 Best Degrassi Couples

Of all my obsessions (Miley lovin', Twilight-hatin', Disney rantin', etc) I've somehow neglected to give props to my all time favorite show ever in the history of forever and my constant #1: Degrassi: The Next Generation. Me and Degrassi go way back. I first discovered the show in it's 3rd season and was immediately enraptured by its Canadian-ness and perfect grasp of campy, teen drama. After catching up on seasons 1 & 2, I've kept up with the show ever since and have even become hooked on it's predecessors, Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi High. (Which are so late-80s/early 90s it's beautiful. *tear*)


Degrassi sucks now, no lie. Well, it's not that bad but it's pretty bad. Either way, I still watch it because it's my best friend and time apart equals a broken heart. The second half of Season 9 is due sometime soon (...I hope?) so I thought I'd celebrate by listing my top 5 favorite Degrassi couples EVA.

5. Sellie (Sean and Ellie)

Blasphemy, I know. In the Holy Church of Semma, Sellie is the devil. But I must put aside my prejudices and give props to the writers for this one. After the heartbreak of seeing Emma and Sean split, I wasn't too happy with seeing Ellie move in on my Emma's man. And I always thought Sean was too good for Ellie's whiny ass.

But, even though I don't like Ellie, I think they made a decent couple. They both had pretty effed up home lives (Ellie: drunk mom, Sean: non-existent/drunk parents) and a good deal of personal problems (Ellie: cutter. Sean: anger problems, Candy Bandit). So in terms of two tortured souls having each other to lean on, they worked out quite well. They were also actually kinda cute sometimes (BARF) and Sean seemed extra sweet while he was with her.

Like most high school relationships, this one ended after some psycho shot up the school and Sean, having saved the day in a tragic way (RHYMES!), feels the need to go cry in his soup at this parents' house leaving Ellie stuck on her own with the rent. You go, Sean. I mean, aw, how sad for Ellie.
:)

4. Palex (Paige and Alex)

Ya know, I liked Palex mostly cuz I liked Alex but also because it was Degrassi's first, and only lesbian relationship. First of all, Degrassi's proved they suck at gay relationships. Just look at Marco. Poor Marco. When he was struggling with his sexuality it made for some really good episodes (See: Pride). But when they tried to hook him up, it never worked. But we'll talk about that later. One reason I think Palex worked so well is because it wasn't about two girls that liked each other, it was about two people who liked each other.

I really like that Degrassi wasn't just trying to get us all hot and heavy with some vapid girl-on-girl action. Paige and Alex had genuine concern for each other's well-being and were there for each other during the tough times (anxiety attacks and stripteases). It's always nice to have someone standing by to remind you not to suck.

Like all of the other relationships on my list, Palex had some good relationship development. Their courtship is pretty random but it if you think back to the saga of the Paige and Alex friendship then they make some sense.

However, the good times quickly faded when new-Alex magically became old-Alex and was booted off the Degrassi island. Sadness. She now spends her days with Kendra and Manny's imaginary brother looking for the secret portal back to Degrassi-land.

3. Crash & Cranny (Craig and Ashley/Manny)

Ok, I'm kinda cheating (like Craig) but I honestly can't choose in the Crash v. Cranny debate. I guess I lean more towards Crash because they seem to make a bit more sense than Craig and Manny. For one, both Craig and Ashley are self-involved, morbid drama-queens. They are Lindsay Lohan and a pair of leggings; they just go together. And even though Craig seemed to take over Degrassi after a while (seriously, most of seasons 3 & 4 were all about Craig) the drama that was Crash was usually quite entertaining. Plus I've always liked how they got together. It was a good character development point for Ashley.

As for Cranny, I guess they were kinda cute but only because Manny was adorable and naive with her slutty, little self. They also brought the drama in a major way with Manny's pregnancy/abortion storyline, which is one of Degrassi's finer episodes. Even though I didn't mind when Crash 2.0 came around circa mid-season 4, Cranny 2.0 (Season 5 into Season 6) was just unnecessary and a bit contrived.

For me, Crash and Cranny are a package deal because separately they just aren't enough to earn my eternal love. But together they are a thing of teen drama beauty. The whole Craig/Ashley/Manny ordeal was TNG's first crack at the love triangle. They've done it many times since and they all reek in comparison to the epic-ness that is Craig, Manny and Ashley.

2. Jaitlin (Joey and Caitlin)

Joey and Caitlin are actually a remnant of DJH and DH. In fact, Joey and Caitlin are sorta the Sean and Emma of their time. You had two opposites: Joey, the classic underachiever and Caitlin, the fight-for-your-rights, let's-protest-everything chick. I guess I should say that Sean and Emma are the Joey and Caitlin of their time. My bad.

Even though they never seemed to be able to work things out (Joey was usually the one screwing things up) you were still rooting for them, mostly because both had extremely luscious hair...And also because, like Semma (see below), you saw two people who were so different from each other but had the chemistry and loving feeling for a relationship. You really just wanted them to work things out. But nooooo, Joey just had to FCUK Tessa Campinelli. (I really, truly, and honestly suggest you watch DJH and DH)

Anyway, they had a good but brief run on TNG and even though I can't for the life of me remember how it happened, I'm sure their break up was somehow Kevin Smith's fault. :(

1. Semma (Sean and Emma)

I guess you should have figured out by now that my #1 Degrassi couple consists of Sean Cameron and Emma Nelson. Now, the Semma I'm referring to is the one that began in Season 1, took a break at the end of the season, was resurrected in Season 2 and then died in Season 3. As far as I'm concerned, Season 6 Semma did not exist because it was an absolute abomination. But, I digress.

Semma 1.0 is probably Degrassi's only good "opposites attract" relationship. (I wouldn't count Spinner and Darcy since Spinner was trying to be good. And Johnny and Alli? Blech.) Unlike a lot of Degrassi's later relationships, this one actually had some development and didn't just fall out of the sky. Also, it was an example of Degrassi using it's relationships for character growth which we got a lot of for both Emma and Sean.

Like I said before, Sean and Emma, like Joey and Caitlin, were coming from two very different places in life and yet they still seemed to make some sense. I guess they each offered what the other was lacking; a little loosening up for Emma and a bit of structure and direction for Sean. And they were very, very cute in the beginning. Seriously though, how adorable is their first kiss?? And their first date??? And when they danced at the school dance??? Awww, they were too cute.

But, if you think about it, Sean and Emma didn't really last that long. Their downfall was definitely the fact that they were so different and both too stubborn to compromise or try and understand each other. Ah well, they were good while they lasted.
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Honorable mentions: Spane (Spinner and Jane), Spaige (Spinner and Paige) and Jashley (Jimmy and Ashley)

ciao!

P.S. - Look out for my Top 5 Worst Degrassi Couples and Top 5 Best Worst Degrassi Couples, coming soon to a theater near you.
P.P.S. - I <3 Joey Jeremiah.

Ain't none of these pictures mine, yo.
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