Remember when I used to post stuff?

Yeah me neither, but look crochet stuff! So this will be a quick post. I made this little guy, using this pattern, for a friend's birthday about a month after her birthday. I didn't follow the directions for the eye and just sort of made it up as I went, but since the other instructions we're good, I'm sure the ones for the eye are as well. It's still sitting in my living room. I'll mail it. One day. Soon. Hopefully.
I also made a crochet hair band for another friend (which I didn't take a picture of. And I also have to mail. One day. Soon. Hopefully) based on this design but tweaked a tad to make it continuous. This lady (who is funny enough located where my friend is...) has some other beautiful designs (including these hand warmers which I made but didn't take picture of, to go with a teal version of this hat which I made but did not take a picture of, that was for the same person as this cuttlefish a teal version of which I made but didn't take a picture of, using a pattern I bought from Hansi Singh on Etsy, the same person who wrote Amigurumi Knits which has an octopus pattern in it which I DID take a picture of but never posted, and also has a pattern for a Loch Ness Monster I didn't take a picture of. You see a pattern no?)
That's all I got. Sorry. I'll work on getting some other stuff to write about. Now that Conan's gone I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe post more?

***EDIT***

I found the octopus picture:

Keep reading...

Oh, Coco...

...how they screw you so. Mmm...

Ya know, I am so emotionally invested in this Conan vs. Jay vs. NBC drama that it's kind of embarrassing. Like, I've been getting really worked up when the issue comes up and was so desperate to find out what was coming next. Well, it seems like Part 1 of the drama is now over. Before I comment, allow me to recap:

Five or so years ago Jay Leno announces he's gonna leave the Tonight Show and that Conan O'Brien is his appointed heir. Some suggest Jay's hand was forced, others suggest it is of his own accord. Who knows. (Or cares.) (Wait - I do!) So, Jay's retirement date is fast approaching but he's getting antsy. He doesn't really want to retire...he was just joking! But it's kinda late now.

So, the way I understand it (which could very well be wrong; I can't be bothered with "research") Jay seems to be hinting that he's not really retiring and will just move on elsewhere to do more late night stuffs. Now, NBC's wallets get nervous. Jay's been bringing in the big numbers (i.e. beating Dave Letterman) and they don't want him to Jaywalk ;) to some other network. So NBC, and their wallets, invite Jay to his own prime time spot at 10. Then, Jay says bye and Conan and Jimmy move into their respective late night spots. Not too long after, Jay moves back in to the neighborhood.

But there are issues: (ONE) Jay's numbers suck and he's making it hard for his neighbors, NBC's local news affiliates. I mean geez, you really gotta know you're bad off when you're scaring people away from watching the news. (TWO) Conan's not bringing in the amount of viewers that Jay was and *gasp* Letterman's beating him some (most?) nights. (THREE) Minor issue but, Jay pushed Law and Order: SVU out of it's regular spot and it's only part of their decline in viewers. So, to shorten the rest of this story: Jay's primetime experiment is canceled; he's offered Conana's 11:30 late night spot for a half hour show; NBC says, "Move down a couple houses, Conan;" Conan says, "Pssh, yeah right" and then we get to where we are now, asking "BUT WHAT ABOUT JIMMY???"

JK.

What we're all asking is, "Who the hell is in charge at NBC and how the hell did he get there??" (It's Jeff Zucker, btw, and I don't know how he got there. Go look it up!) The issues that have gotten me most about this whole thing are how there seems to a blatant disregard for promises and contracts and some sort of strange (and possibly misguided) attachment to Jay Leno.

I'm not even gonna get into the debate of who's funnier; I haven't watched either of them long enough to make a proper assessment and I'll laugh at pretty much anything so...yeah. Anyway, what I've taken offense to is NBC's royal screw over of Conan. They just seemed to have it in for him and don't seem to have any confidence in the guy. Yes, it's true that Conan wasn't bringing in the numbers that Jay was when he stepped down but, how could he? Word on the block is that Jay wasn't so hot his first couple years in late night. Not to mention, Conan himself struggled to gain an audience when he first took over Late Night and they didn't chuck him to the wolves then. Think about this Jeff Zuck & Co: Conan moved to an earlier spot losing some of that audience AND he lost some of Jay's devoted audience. I'd think he need more than 8 months to reestablish himself. NBC should get their historians on the books so they remember how this whole thing usually plays out.

Also, I thought a promise was a promise. Not just a promise, a legal contract at that. The Tonight Show shouldn't have been promised to Conan if Jay wasn't ready to retire. Though I expect this becomes a more complicated issue if it so happens that Jay was bullied into retirement. However, if that was the case, I'd imagine Jay would want to take his shtick elsewhere instead of sticking around with a network that was pushing him out of the door. Conan has made it apparent that hosting the Tonight Show was not only a dream of his but also an honor. The fact that it was promised to him and then so hastily snatched away doesn't quite sit right with me.

Another thing (no, this post will never end) is that, it seems to me, that NBC is just wasting a lot of money. Is it really cheaper to buy Conan out of his contract (and risk having to pay the difference for a possibly smaller future pay check) then to risk Jay Leno getting higher ratings on another channel? This is a genuine question though because me and my cynical mind have a feeling this is mostly about money. I mean, these are executives - American executives. I doubt that their main motivation isn't collecting large amounts of sweet, sweet moolah.

Lastly, what's NBC's obsession with Jay Leno? Does Jay have some incriminating photos of the execs? Do they owe him something? Is Jay Leno the epitome of late night hosts and they're really afraid of losing his neverending talent to some other network? I want to know what's so friggin' special about Jay Leno. Please, someone enlighten me.

I could go on and on. Well, just about how Jay Leno keeps trying so hard to play the victimized good-guy but, I'll leave it here for now; I think you get the point. I don't really feel bad for Conan; he's walking away with 30some million dollars so, I think he'll be alright. But I do feel for him. It sucks when you don't even get a year to prove you can do your job. I also admire how he's carried himself through this whole thing: his admirable letter, his concern for poor ol' Jimmy, his concern for his crew's well-being and his general love & respect for the Tonight Show. It'll be interesting to see how everything turns out and where everyone ends up in a year.

*shrug* We'll see.

ciao.

P.S. - Oh yeah, BUT WHAT ABOUT CARSON????? Keep reading...

Dear Loving Celebrity-The Network Edition

Dear NBC,

Stop fucking around with Conan. He deserves better and he's bored of your shenanigans, you dumbies.

Thank you an regards,

The Juicebox

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Why I (Didn't) Love...

...2009!
Curse you 09!


*SIGH* Oh, 2009. It started mildly hopeful (first black prez, Aretha's hat) and then descended into torture (Jon and Kate, Balloon Boy) not too long after. Here are just 5 of many things that made 2009 and me NOT cuddly friends:

1. Celebrity deaths: 2009, being the ruthless murderess she is, took too many lives this year, especially this summer. I'm sure you know of all the great people who passed away this year so I'm not gonna give you a list. The point is, rather, that 2009 took all the WRONG people leaving a big black hole in our famous people-loving hearts. May they all rest in peace. (Stupid 2009...)

2. "Single Ladies": According to Wikipedia, the "Single Ladies" music video was released sometime in October of 2008. So, why why why are we still hearing this song EVERYWHERE? It was cute before ("Oh, that B!") but now it's just annoying. No more. I'm not putting a ring on anything Beyoncé so leave me alone!

3. H1N1 aka SWINE FLU: Dun dun dun! The evil swine flu. Although swine flu was a good excuse to not make physical contact with that one nasty kid and provided fun hand-sanitizing foam, it proved to be a not so fun illness. When knowledge of swine flu first entered our brains, I was afraid it was gonna be the end of the world the way they were going on about it. True, swine flu has joined 2009 with her murdering ways but it has yet to wipe out the whole human race so...yeah...

4. Jay Leno: I haven't seen Jay Leno's new show so it isn't very fair of me to be criticizing him. Too bad; I'm gonna do it anyway. Supposedly Mr. Leno has been screwing over Conan by ruining his (pseudo) lead-in duties and sending viewers running to other channels for the 10 o'clock slot. Jay, this was year to retire, drive your numerous cars, stuff your face with meat and buff your chin. Maybe 2009 would've been better if you had just quit like you were supposed to.

5. More Twilight: Ugh. This year, thanks to New Moon, we sane people had to suffer through more Twilight crap: more Twihard squeeing, more Team Jake vs. Team Eddie arguments, more insanity. If we must endure Twilight for TWO MORE YEARS can we please stop insulting everyone's intelligence and admit it is NOT a saga? Please?


SO 2009 was kinda annoying and I'm a bit whiny but it wasn't all that bad. We got to enjoy Taylor Swift's happy-go-lucky songs. We got to see Miley shake her thang in booty shorts. We got to be entertained by iCarly. We got to make fun of JONAS. We got to root for Conan in LA. And King Kevin took a Queen. Not great, but not too bad, no?

Here's to hoping that 2010 is much, much better!

ciao, 2009!

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Video Vomit: "We Didn't Need to See That" Edition

The Juicebox gives you an early holiday present. Enjoy!

Ok. Let's talk about this before it gets too old. Today's vomit comes courtesy of Beyoncé and Lady Gaga. "Beyoncé featuring Lady Gaga" was never a collaboration I could ever in my wildest dreams imagine. So, naturally my head almost exploded the first time I saw this video. Lucky I'm not epileptic because I almost had a seizure too.

I went through a range of emotions when I first saw this video:

Before I even clicked on the link I was nervous. What kind of trauma was I about to endure? The song is called "Video Phone;" you can't write a song about a video phone. Well, Beyoncé, being mistress of her domain (whatever that means) proved me wrong. You can write a song about video phones, kiddies. Not a good song, but a song nonetheless. (I guess Nelly's ode to his Air Force Ones shoulda clued me in)

Next I felt confused. "What's Rihanna doing in this video?" I thought. It took me a couple seconds but I soon realized that it was Beyoncé. After my brain settled I began to feel concern. It appeared that someone had attacked Beyoncé and taken most of her clothing. I wondered why those men, who appear to be bodyguards, did nothing to prevent Beyoncé from being violated in such a manner. However, I soon realized that B was probably just on her way to the pool for a swim in her sparkly bathing suit, trench coat and leather boots. Those men are probably just on sunscreen duty.

As the video progressed I began to feel anger. What was Beyoncé doing with my favorite Star trooper bra and panties?! I want them back.

Then I was amazed! Beyoncé's backside appears to have some kind of...mystical power! It entrances men; especially those with cameras for heads.

Most of the video passed without incident up until another wave of confuzzlement washed over me. What the hell?! Why is Bette Midler in this music video? And how'd she get so young?! It wasn't until "Bette Midler" began spazzing out...I mean, dancing (?) that I realized it was Lady Gaga. And then I was just amused by how little she was compared to Queen B. (Wittle Gaga!!)

After the chair dance, I spent the rest of the video being angry that I was still watching the video.

...

As I've said before, I do think Beyoncé is talented and I tend to think Gaga is too. But they're too much for me! Do you see the kind of pain they put me through? The whole video was grossly unnecessary. I'm glad that Beyoncé got to channel her inner Rihanna (hair), Gaga (lots of pantslessness), Winehouse (eye makeup), and Miley (butt popping). And it warms my heart (not really) to hear her make sex noises in my ear. But none of this is new. Actually, seeing Lady Gaga almost rip her own head off was kinda interesting. Eh.

I guess what I'm trying to say is the only reason I would watch this video again is if I wanted to induce a seizure to get out of finals. Hmm...that's not a bad idea...

ciao :]

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Why I Love...

..."Look Around You"

Look around you. Look around you. Just look around you. Have you figured out what we're looking for? If you answered "10 minute shorts parodying 70s/80s British educational television" then you're right. If not, then sorry, you're dumb. (jk)
(not)

"Look Around You" is a great show for numerous little reasons. First of all, if you love Simon Pegg & Co. then you'll have fun getting glimpses of Nick Frost, Ed Wright and Simon himself. The show also features Peter Serafinowicz aka "Dwayne" from Spaced or "Pete" from Hot Fuzz.

Also if you love running jokes like unnecessary labels, pencils as pointers (even to point out pencils) and absurd portmanteaus then this is the show for you.

"Look Around You" is also very educational. Who knew that germs came from Germany? Or that there are secret, forbidden keys at the end of a piano? I didn't know these things. But I am now equipped with this valuable knowledge thanks to LAY.

It'd be kind of annoying to list all the little things that make "LAY" so grand so you'll either just have to believe me (I am the authority here) or you'll have to go look for yourself - which I HIGHLY suggest.

Ok...I have to admit, this is a lazy "Why I Love..." but I really do love the first series of LAY and I know you will too. So go on over to YouTube RIGHT NOW and watch it! I command you!

ciao.

P.S. - If that's not enough to convince you then hopefully this is. :)

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Pop Culture Justice: You SUCK at Parenting

Case Background:
Since the beginning of time, there have been parents and there have been stupid people. Most of the time, when these two worlds collide, (i.e. stupid people + offspring) we get Bad Parents.There are many different ways to define a Bad Parent, but for our purposes, a bad parent is any parent who clearly cares more about everything else (ex. money, fame, drugs, whores) more than the well-being of their children. The Worst Kind of Parent will neglect their children to the point of the offspring's near-demise and still think that the kid is A-OK! (Let's keep up with the math here: stupid people + delusions of the brain + offspring = Worst Kind of Parent) Most of the time these parents are called out for their bad behavior, but are rarely brought before the court of law. The American legal system is slacking and, because I'm such a good citizen, I'm picking up the slack. On the docket today are Michael Lohan and Joe Jackson. This should be fun!
Court is in session.


Case #1
Plaintiffs: Dina "Famewhore" and Lindsay "Leggings" Lohan
Defendant: Michael Lohan
Complaint: Fails majorly at being a dad by constantly airing Lindsay's druggie laundry for the world to smell.
Evidence: If you're a gossip blog frequenter like yours truly, you probably know by now that Michael Lohan keeps releasing private tapes revealing his daughter's personal problems. Some of them are phone calls between him and his ex-wife and some are messages I assume Lindsay left on his phone. I haven't listened to any of these tapes because I'm not really into reveling in the misery of others. (I'm only just a little into it)
Mr. Lohan claims to be releasing these tapes to the public to get Lindsay help for hr alleged drug problems. This is where Mr. Lohan receives a big fat F on his Parent Report Card. The last time I checked, these sort of PRIVATE matters are meant to be dealt with in PRIVACY between the members involved in a PRIVATE manner. Mr. Lohan is doing nothing but bringing upon himself the wrath (via incoherent Twitter rants) of his daughter and his ex-wife (via ET & TMZ, etc./ aka, her best friends)
Mr. Lohan displays his sucky parenting skills by making it quite clear that he doesn't really care if Lindsay gets better but is more concerned with keeping his irrelevant name in the news, especially now that him and Jon Gosselin are no longer torturing the world with their "friendship."
While it's entirely true that Lindsay is doing nothing to get better and is not really hiding her private woes very well (once again, via incoherent Twitter rants), her famewhore of a father has no right to tell everyone just how bad his daughter is. If he wants her to get help then maybe he can do this very innovative thing where you sit a person down, face-to-face, and you - wait for it - TALK TO THEM! Crazy, I know.

Verdict: Due to all the evidence put before me, I have no choice but to find the defendant GUILTY!
Sentence: I sentence Mr. Lohan to share a room with Heidi and Spencer in hell. He'll also have to massage the Devil's foot bunions for 12 hours a day while listening to his daughter's song, "Daughter to Father" on repeat.

Case #2
Plaintiffs: Blanket and his Minions (Oh, you know Blanket's got 'em in check)
Defendant: Joe "My son is worth more dead than alive" Jackson
Complaint: Continues to prove that it is possible to love money, being creepy and scaring children more than your own offspring.
Evidence: Holy Mary Mercy Me! Where to start? No need to go back any further then the recent death of his son, Michael Joesph Jackson. (Anyone else find that so ironic? I can't get over how ironic that is.) When Michael Jackson passed on, Mr. J. Jackson, went trapezing onto the red carpet at the BET awards and started rambling about his record label. Mind you, this was merely days after the death of one of his children; which is often cited as being one of the biggest emotional upheavals a parent can experience. We gave him the benefit of the doubt though. "People grieve in different ways," we replied. "Maybe he's still in shock," we said. "Maybe he's getting senile," we shrugged.
However, it has come to my attention that Joe Jackson is neither senile, shocked nor even grieving. Nope. Dude is just shameless. I almost admire it. Mr. Jackson just has no shame. He doesn't even try to fake like he's not happy he's getting some extra money from all this. If I were in his place, I'd at least try to squeeze out a tear or two for sympathy but no, not Joe Jackson, no siree.
It became increasingly clear that Mr. Jackson loves da sweet mula when he recently tried to get his grubby hands on his dead son's estate, even after MJ wrote HELL NO on his will where it said, "Money for your dad?". (In case you didn't know, that's how a will is formated. It's just a series of questions about who gets your money, your kids and your favorite PJs.) When asked about his grandfather's attempt to get his share of the estate, Blanket replied that he "Ain't having none of that shiznit." You go boy - take names and kick ass. I'm behind you all the way. I can't not get behind a kid who's hair is almost longer than he is tall.*

Verdict: ANYWHO (luscious hair is distracting), Joe Jackson is a sucky parent because, like his friend Mr. Lohan, he's really bad at pretending he likes his kids more than money and fame. Therefore, I find this dude GUILTY!
Sentence: Mr. Jackson will be responsible for the upkeep of his grandson, Blanket's luscious locs until he comes of age. When he's not brushing and conditioning hair, Mr. Jackson will get the Sisyphus treatment. Except, instead of a boulder, it will be a big ball of money. Then, when it gets to the bottom of the hill, it will break and all the money will be snatched up by poor, but very strong, orphans. Then, Mr. Jackson will have to wrestle each and every dollar from each and every poor (but very strong!), orphan and reassemble the dollars back into their ball form. He will then roll the ball back up the hill and that will go on forever and ever with "Speed Demon" on loop. Elaborate, I know.

Well, that'll show those two to mess with Judge K.I.A.

ciao, bellas.

*Because you care so much, I'm sure you will be happy to know that one of my fellow judge-people repeated MJ's HELL NO. Then he told Mr. Jackson to go home and read a book or something. I'd also throw some French toast eating in there because French toast cures ALL. TRUTH.

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